"Hey man so I was walking trough the forest yesterday and I came across this complete freak. He was laughably tall and thin and wore a suit in the woods like a weirdo. I'm certain he's some kind of psycho stalker."

"That's slander, man."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slashycent
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Me: Hey, Dad, is that a man standing next to an igloo over there?

Dad: It's just an Aleutian.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rimfax
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Friend - Hey man could you call for some flowers for me from online?

Me - Yeah sure bro I will cauliflowers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pranavbrijwani
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...

"Oh, it's the peanuts.

They're complimentary."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elawn
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Returning home from the barber, had a true old man moment today. My kid: β€œHey dad, did you just get a hair cut?”

β€œNo son, I got them ALL cut!”

The cycle is complete. I have become my father.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mardrom_Bransle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey man, you want this pamphlet?

Brochure

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/p50cal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A man on one side of a river shouts to a man standing on the other side, β€œHey, how do I get to the other side of the river?”

The other man responds, β€œYou are on the other side of the river.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Suuuuuuuure
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2016
🚨︎ report
"Hey man can you give me that piece of paper?"

Yeah brochure.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsNoot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a butcher store and sees a side of beef strapped to the ceiling. As he approaches the counter he asked asks β€œHey, what’s with the beef?”

Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,

β€œNah. The steaks are too high.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tkl15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey man
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/d13n3m4n
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Matt: Hey man, I'm so tired of people walking all over me.

Art: At least they don't leave you hanging.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey son, you see that silo over there? A man died there once.

He was trying to find a corner to pee in.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BobRoss_keepcrits
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey man,

A book fell on my head, i only have my shelf to blame

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AAAAURTEJEKYD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheeling sticking out of his crotch. The bartender says, β€œHey man, what’s with the wheel?”

The pirate says back, β€œArrr! it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotoriousL2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Hey man! Did you get any snow out by where you live?

Nope, just mist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spinmeista_flex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey! See the cemetery we are passing now? Well, the man who invented the crossword is actually buried there...

... his grave is 3 down and 7 across!

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarcusBondi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2015
🚨︎ report
Two teddy bears are walking down the road. One says, β€œHey, man. You hungry?”

The other says β€œNah man I’m stuffed.”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"

The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChazyLamy
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Hey man you here about that joke on Reddit?

Yeah, I think I already reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingpron0t
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Hey man, are you all right?

No... I’m half left!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_solidwarp_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
🚨︎ report

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