I'll beheading there soon.
Legend dairy
They want it CRISPR
He did every other thing on the list
Me: "Well, my-dulla oblongata has my heart racing thinking of the cost!"
It was overcast.
He just didn't cut it
Shocked
Because if they hired males it’d be tellhims and not tellers
Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.
I need a Plan B.
So far nobody has given me a straight answer
It was the Green Arrow.
I chose Mask It or Casket
Heard he has supper powers
It wasn't that I admired him really. To be honest his skill level made me feel a little cellist.
My children are still here
No Cap.
A buck-an-ear!
I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!
Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!
Cape Town
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
I replied, "He's a real Chad."
He thought homes were built, not born.
was a mazing
The camp goers are pretty intense.
It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!
Oops, wrong sub.
Most don't even make the cut.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
My 7 year old son tries to tell puns, but he's really bad at it. After going to the zoo, he noticed that his right ear was itchy. Upon inspection, we noticed that the skin around his ear was flaking. We discussed if it was a sun burn, but he had been wearing a bucket hat all day. Without missing a beat he said:
I guess it has to be an "ear"itation. He even used air quotes. Proud moment for Father's Day!
Hope you had a great Father's Day as well!
The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.
I said, “That’s outrageous!” He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
So I turned him into a frog and expelliamoused him!
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
I charged for the labor but not the paint. The homeowner said, “why didn’t you charge for the paint?” I said, “don’t worry about the paint. It’s on the house.”
Then we met
Apparently the correct term is “conjoined twins”.
Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it!
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
It still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road.
Adolph Hitler. He killed Hitler!
They always give straight "eh"s.
He just didn’t cut it.
