I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.

I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Heinz
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImElyk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz-sight.
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouselise
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Heinz Doofenshmirtz build inators in men's restrooms?

Because he would be defeated by a gent pee.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paPAneta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Heinz tomato ketchup joke

That tomato better ketchup because it’s be(Heinz)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cursed-boy
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
In Heinz sight, the sign wasn't a great idea.

https://i.imgur.com/4p6xf5X.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/commanderjarak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.

In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My son told me, β€œDad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”

I said, β€œThat’s Heinz sight for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 453
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I just spilt baked beans everywhere.

In Heinz-sight, that was a bad idea

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Salt_E_Plum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I decided to rub ketchup in my eyes

In Heinz sight it wasn’t a good idea

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LarryLones
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I can always tell what I should have done as long as I'm looking at ketchup.

Yeah, you could say I have perfect Heinz-site

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baronvb1123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally rubbed ketchup into my eyes

In Heinz sight, I definitely should’ve washed my hands first.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CharlieFoxtrot432
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeusJZ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Catch up with the times.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does ketchup always have good vision?

Because Heinz's sight is always 20-20.

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What have I done..
πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faggyswag21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I poured ketchup all over myself

In heinzsight, it was a horrible idea

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LOLFLYINGPIGS2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I feel his pain
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jnr_jinx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes.

But that's Heinz sight for you.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoneMoreHip
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I just poured ketchup in my eyes

because I heard Heinz-sight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazy_gnome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I realized I shouldn’t have rubbed ketchup in my eyes.

I guess Heinz sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been watching the market closely and I think I'll invest heavily in ketchup next year...

Yeah, my Heinz sight is 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I think I put too many baked beans in my eyes

It was a poor decision, in Heinz sight.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My attempt at juggling 3 cans of beans resulted in a messy kitchen,

in Heinz sight, it was a bad idea.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adc2502
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call ketchup with 20-20 vision?

Heinz-sight

πŸ‘︎ 494
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2017
🚨︎ report
I just got home from the grocery store and realized I forgot to buy ketchup while I was there...

Heinz-sight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNotNSFWAcct
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I can see ketchup pretty well...

I guess Heinz-sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keterotronic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I am from Britain and visited America last week. I noticed that the ketchup tastes extremely bad,

In heinz-sight I should have brought my own

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What would you call the Queen if she had ketchup all over her face?

Your Royal Heinz.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you do when you get beheinz schedule?

You ketchup.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VRMac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Ketchup story with daughter.

While eat French fries my 5 year old daughter she managed to get ketchup under her nose. This of course looked like a perfect toothbrush mustache. I proceed to shout out "Heinz Hitler." My wife and children stared for what I'm sure was an eternity for them, while I laughed for days. The downside is my 3 year old daughter repeated this for several weeks after the incident.

πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xkillabudx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
I got my in laws with this gem.

Last night while having dinner at the in laws we were sitting down to eat. Well my father in law finished the ketchup and set the empty bottle down. I took the bottle put it up to my eyes and made "oooh, ahhh, ehhh, ewww" sounds for about 30 seconds. Finally my wife asked what I was doing. I told her "Everything's different in Heinz sight" the entire table proceeded to groan.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Choeseph_Hilbe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once.

It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

πŸ‘︎ 682
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I just squirted ketchup in my eye

In Heinz-sight, it was a bad idea.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PinkShrimpz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew I shouldn’t have rubbed ketchup into my eyes

But that’s Heinz sight for you

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewwap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I really regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes last night...

that's Heinz sight for you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashAndCAD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I rubbed ketchup in my eyes

In Heinz sight it wasn't the best idea

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigShowFardy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What did mustard say when ketchup got glasses?

Heinz sight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I regret wiping my eyes with ketchup on my hands.

But that's Heinz sight for ya.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I just realized I shouldn’t have rubbed ketchup in my eyes.

I guess Heinz sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried cleaning my glasses with ketchup today.

In Heinz-sight, it was probably a bad idea.

πŸ‘︎ 187
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathintheMine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my boyfriend the other day

I asked him if we could make plans on his day off. He said it depends on the catch up he has. I asked him, what if it's heinz?

πŸ‘︎ 318
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elephanttusk123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
🚨︎ report
I forgot to buy ketchup

But hey, Heinz-sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schmeebers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
🚨︎ report
I should have got more ketchup

Heinz sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fortbuild
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report

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