People complain about the heat waves but they don't bother me.

I'm a 90's kid.

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📅︎ Aug 22 2022
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What do you get when you cross an earthquake with a heat wave?

Shake 'n' Bake.

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👤︎ u/DENelson83
📅︎ Feb 13 2023
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Did you know that there is a grape surplus in France due to the heat wave?

Just raisin awareness on currant issues

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👤︎ u/SteveM06
📅︎ Jul 24 2022
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What would you call south Texas in a heat wave?

Corpus Crispy.

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👤︎ u/DENelson83
📅︎ May 17 2022
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With this recent heat wave, I can't help but feel bad for the pigs.

They've got to be bacon

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👤︎ u/Bluesox4
📅︎ Jun 16 2018
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Bugasum
📅︎ Jun 10 2022
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I was arguing with my friend

He insisted that Harry Potter was a true story, while I was certain it was made up. As the argument drew on, things got more and more heated. I was waving my copy in his face when he grabbed it and threw is across the table where it slid with ease

With a sigh, I said “Well, I guess that settles it. The book is non-friction”

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📅︎ Aug 13 2022
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How does the sun say hi to the moon?

With a heat wave!

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📅︎ Jul 22 2019
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What do you get when you throw chilli into the sea?

Heat waves.

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👤︎ u/minesh245
📅︎ Mar 12 2019
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What do you get when you cross an earthquake with a heat wave?

Shake-n-bake.

👍︎ 30
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👤︎ u/DENelson83
📅︎ Sep 05 2021
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