A Bust...!
...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”
As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...
“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Heads and Shoulders.
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I think his first name is Dan.
They say he’s Head & Shoulders above the competition...
A few weeks into their journey, they ran out of food. Unable to find plants to eat, and after an entire day of discussion, they decided that if they found meat before plants, the would eat it.
A day later, in the distance, they saw a small tree. As they got closer, they saw that there were strips of perfectly cooked bacon hanging from the bare limbs.
The first vegan grew excited. "Look! It's a bacon tree! Food!" And with that, he took off running toward it.
The other vegan hung back, looking at it suspiciously. "No, wait!" he called. "That's not a bacon tree!"
"Sure it is! It's a bacon tree!" the first vegan yelled over his shoulder. When he reached the tree, he jumped, trying to reach the bacon from the lower branches, but before he could, a pair of wild boar darted out from behind the tree and skewered him on their tusks.
The other vegan shook his head. "I tried to tell you it wasn't a bacon tree. It was just a hambush..."
Head and Shoulders on my knees and toes, knees and toes
As soon as he finished it he accidentally knocked it over and it broke clean at the shoulders. The sculptor picks up the head looks and it and says, well looks like this one is a bust.
Her head and shoulders washed up on the beach.
They found his head and shoulders
Gonna name it Head, Shoulders, Kneeds, and Doughs
After his baseball game, we picked up some take-out food for the family. Driving home and now dark, he and I see three people walking along the shoulder of our street, all wearing dark clothes. I almost hit one of them. I say, shaking my head, "Look at these idiots, wearing dark clothes at night...someone's gonna get run over."
He replies, from the back seat, "Yeah...they're not too bright."
It was head and shoulders above the competition.
She asks me 'Do you have your wallet handy?'
Its in my back pocket so I reply 'Nope! It's currently ass-y.' (I then retrieve my wallet amidst being smacked around my head and shoulders)
We're on the exec team of the student run swim club at our university and were discussing who will be coaching the groups next season.
She mentioned that she "could probably do some fill-ins for another coach if they need the night off".
So I then asked her if she "could do some fill-ings too?"
Took a moment, then there was a collective groan from the rest of the group and a fist headed to my shoulder. Ouch.
My girlfriend freaked herself out because our shower curtain was closed for some reason.
Me: Chris, are you hiding dead bodies in our shower again?
Him: No, just head and shoulders!
My wife was telling her mom about a story she read online about a crazy boyfriend who cut his girlfriends young sons head off. Her mom freaks out and goes omg where? Dad responds right above the shoulders where else
I few months back he asked if I'd seen the Phillips Head..
I told him to check his shoulders.
Laughed way too hard at my own joke that day
... When they charged into the bathroom they found Head and Shoulders.
Was in the kitchen walking around without my shirt, had a couple of pimples on my shoulder.
Dad: "Can I pop that zit on your shoulder?"
me: "huh?"
dad squeezes my head between his hands
Its on your shoulders! Hold Still!
>squeezes head with both hands
"it wont pop, darn it"
I did this to my kid the other day.
Mom left her coat in the restaurant and almost forgot about it
Mom: "I've been a little flakey lately"
Dad: "I recommend head and shoulders."
What fruit keeps your head on your shoulders?
A necktarine!
So me and my gf were on the way back from a Front Bottoms concert in London, getting a lift back with her dad and shes telling the story of the night to him when she gets onto the topic of her photography and says:
"I love my new camera, I was able to zoom in & retain great quality! I got some sweet pictures of the lead singers head and shoulders"
To which I chimed in with:
"Yeah, you should have tried to get his knees and toes as well!"
I can still hear the groans now.
Boyfriend was on FaceTime telling me about how he was going downhill biking tomorrow, and I told him "Please try not to break." (he's been having shoulder problems lately so I was referring to that.) His response: Oh I will, probably around every corner. winks He died laughing as I shook my head in despair...
