Gurkha Contingent Puns

Howdy! Here's Glushkin, and 14 months after the previous diary, in this new 2022 we take a closer look at yet another faction that is fighting to unite the fallen United Kingdom.

This time it will be about the Conservatives, a clique of High Tories who have taken control of the county of Kent.

The Backstory

The end of 2019 was the final chord in a long symphony of betrayals and disappointments that befell the South of England during the Civil War. Following the occupation of Sussex by the 'Red King' Henry IX, the remnants of the 'legitimate' government based in the county of Kent found themselves cut off from the main force under Prince Charles, based in Wessex. Tired of the incompetence and inactivity of the legitimate heir to the Windsor throne, local elites rebelled under the leadership of High Tory leader Jacob Rees-Mogg. The latter's original plan was a simultaneous bloodless coup against a passive king across Wessex and the Earldom of Kent. However, Rees-Mogg's plan was thwarted by the unwillingness of Roger Scruton, one of the king's chief associates, to participate in what he saw as a 'mad venture'. Scruton's authority was so great that any attempted coup throughout Wessex was foiled before it had even begun.

By failing, Mogg's adventure further isolated the Kent government from the outside world, locking the remnants of the garrison into the small county without any chance of success.

At least, that was what the situation seemed like at the end of the long 2019. After the collapse of Eurasia and the first diplomatic contacts with the countries of the European Federation, the first ray of hope in many years shone on the forgotten land of the High Tories.

Starting Situation

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The starting situation in Kent can be described as rather deplorable. The number of available human resources barely exceeds a couple of tens of thousands, the economic potential of the region is virtually non-existent, and the north of the county is constantly raided by various London gangs. The socio-political sphere is in utter disrepair.

Unlike all other players on the island, who will be ready to fight with their nearest neighbour within the first year, the weakened position of Kent forces the player t

It was another week before the big launch day. Global media was in a frenzy, with live coverage at the military bases where the pickups were to take place.

Fred had been steeling himself for the event for a while, but even then, seeing the massive tribune as the Mjölnir approached moved him greatly: Sure, his previous global thank-you tour had been quite impressive, but it had also been pretty rushed with many of the locations still in mild chaos. This time everything had been planned well in advance, and not only that, then people were celebrating him and those joining him for something they were about to do. It was pleasing to Fred, though quite strange, how people supporting his course of action – not just applauding something he had already done – seemed to touch him so much deeper.

“Why are you crying?” Lady Vris asked, leaning in from his left as Fred reclined in his captain’s chair which totally wasn’t copied off star-trek.

Fred wiped his eyes and looked over at Lady Vris: “They’re honouring us. The king, the prime minister, everyone”

Straightening up, Lady Vris beheld the screen showing the stage that had been set for them as the Mjölnir made its final approach: “I recognize the media icons, and the leaders you said – but there are others… what about them?”

Looking at what Lady Vris was pointing at, Fred figured that it might be the families of the Danish contingent of soldiers they were meant to pick up. The list of boarding parties was long, with prize crews from many nations, but a select few had been chosen to supply what amounted to bodyguards to Fred for the battle, among which Denmark had a spot – likely more as a gesture towards Fred’s own nationality, as opposed to an honor intended for the nation: It never hurt to have people aboard your ship who actually spoke your native language if things got heated.

The ceremony itself was scheduled to be brief, with King Frederik the Tenth standing ready in full military dress uniform to receive Frederik, next to the Danish prime minister and some body guards and other dignitaries, on the small stage built on the parade grounds where the royal guard normally trained, at the corner of the royal gardens in the middle of Copenhagen. Parking the Mjölnir some thirty meters above the ground and coming down via a floating silver disk, Fred and Lady Vris probably looked quite grand, Fred having spruced up the not-star trek uniform to be a little more contemporary with military fashions, while Lady Vris

#FROM THE DESK OF RONALDO

> January 18th, 2040:

> ###ALPINE ASYMMETRY

Two years into the EMMOE expansion has run its course and demonstrated the viability of Mountain Hunter POBs, but the Pyrenees have yet to be truly situated to support the Siberican Terrestrial Garrison.

It is more than likely that should the KOS ever enter a military engagement, the substantial discrepancy in numbers, technology and training against that of our neighbours will force our infantry to battle in an uphill asymmetric warfare environment.

Asymmetric warfare is officially defined as the 'application of inferior tactical and/or operational strength against the vulnerabilities of an opponent of unequal military and economic resources', but this portrayal doesn't accurately capture the true attributes of such a concept. In this depiction, almost every conflict in recorded history is an example of asymmetric warfare. This is not the case. A better encapsulation is recorded as follows:

> "While the stronger military side strives to secure a rapid, decisive victory on the battlefield through the massive use of force, the weaker party, recognizing the military superiority of its opponent, will avoid open confrontation that is bound to lead to the annihilation of its troops and to defeat. Instead it will tend to compensate for its inadequate arsenal by employing unconventional means and methods and prolonging the conflict through an undercover war of attrition against its well-equipped enemy."

> -Toni Pfanner, 2005

Whilst Pfanner's piece in question goes on to elaborate upon the measures taken by the Iraqi army to evade exposure to the former US military, the tactics elicited in his work are not equivocally transferable to the Siberican Terrestrial Garrison, for an amplitude of reasons. Implemented conscription alongside a possible lack of rules for engagement invalidate the possibility to hide within the civilian populace as the Iraqis did, and retreating far enough to reach such a cover is implicit of a surrender in itself.

Securement of prolonged conflict lies in the Mountain Hunter Polyvalent Organic Brigades. Military strategy, notion of time, and organizational characteristics of the conflicting parties is equally important as any difference i

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

> #STOICS Operation: Leviathan
##Objective (primary): Evacuation of UKOBI civilians
###Objective (secondary): Security of Sovereign Base Areas
##Allied Response Military Authority Status: Granted
Let justice be done though the heavens fall.

The EU-Greek invasion of Northern Cyprus (involving 31,000 soldiers and 100 tanks) has begun against one of the most militarized areas on earth, with as many as 30,000 Turkish soldiers garrisoned on the island. As part of British Forces Cyprus, there are currently 7,388 Irish civilians (including 360 civilians directly supporting the Service presence and their 7,028 dependants). They are now firmly between the crosshairs of two warring powers, and their safety is no longer guaranteed, particularly in the wake of Turkish reprisals. In addition to preventing spillover of further violence across the Island, these civilians must be evacuated to Greater Éire until further notice, in what is the STOICS equivalent of the Berlin Airlift.

Escalation of the war (and attempts by outside powers to bomb Warsaw) have effectively closed off Eastern Bloc Airspace (tempting a missile from Kaliningrad is not really to one’s taste). That said, the recent partnership with Siberica offers an excellent opportunity to get our civilians out and replace them with proper defenders, CRBND equipment and all.

Gibraltar International Airport will serve as a layover point to establish a pair of rotating aerial carousels between the Irish-Nordic Commonwealth

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Just recently, Jabzy of 3-minute history dropped this video titled ‘Why was the Qing Dynasty so weak? History of China 1644-1839 Documentary 1/3’. Its scope is actually somewhat bigger, covering from the 5th century AD up to the beginnings of the Taiping War in 1850, and it devotes enough to the Opium War that its end date ought to be 1842. Jabzy does a few things right here, and his narrative intent seems decent enough, but there’s a lot of mistakes of varying scale here that I think need to be picked up on.

0:07 – Why specifically this map of China, corresponding to the height of the Western Han? Marco Polo would have visited during the period of Mongol rule. This map includes territories of Chinese occupation like the Tarim Basin, northern Vietnam, and arguably southern Manchuria, to describe ‘China’ writ large, instead of a more limited map of ‘China proper’, say during the Northern Song.

0:30 – Uh, the Jewish community in Kaifeng still exists.

0:36 – ‘Dark Ages’? Seriously?

0:38 – No, it was not the Nestorian Church, but the Church of the East, colloquially called ‘Nestorian’ but with, at best, dubious theological links to Nestorius.

1:02 – What does it mean to say that ‘the Muslims dominated trade between East and West’? It seems like a bit of a non-point, like ‘the people in the middle were between the people in the east and west’. Separate but related, the idea that the middle exists to facilitate trade between the extremes is a problematic assumption worth examining: recent historians of Central Asia like Scott Levi have suggested that we see Central Asia not as the middle stop on an East-West route, but as a distinct region which other regions had a specific interest in, which coincidentally led to cross-continental transfers.

1:19 – That’s not Guangzhou, it is the Qing-era borders of the entire province of Guangdong. Also, the extent to which we should see the 878 massacre at Guangzhou as either having a six-digit death figure or as being specifically targeted against foreign merchants writ large, let alone Muslims in particular, is open to question. This AskHistorians answer by /u/mikedash synthesises a lot of the limited information we have and is worth a read, along with the cited sources.

1:24 – ‘Then the Mongols invaded China and invited the traders back.’ Holy timeskip, Batman

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

There hasn't been a post all year!