Why did the crab have to delay retirement?
Don't mind Cyberpunk 2077's delay
It just needs a little Polish
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...
she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.
My friend tried to delay the inevitable by locking himself in a public bathroom...
"No Time To Die" movie is delayed. Thread goes full-pun mode
I was at a concert but the singer got delayed
With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships'
A group of geese is a gaggle, agroup of rats: a mischief, a murder of crows, bats a colony and men a crowd. What's a group of batmen?
Just got a delayed grin from my son on the way back to our hunting spot.
Son: Wow that stream is really rush'en.
Me: oh good that is so much better than German.
I just had to pick a country real quick not trying to make any statement....
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
Samsung delays the release of their new tablet/phone collab...
Guess the plan just didn't unfold.
Which rock group has four members and doesn't sing?
I'm not a fan of my new French milk delivery service, "Milk Without Delay"
They keep sending me empty bottles.
The local reptile show had to delay on account of misbehaving lizards.
They had a severe case of a reptile dysfunction.
My flight was delayed an hour, but we got to our destination on time.
Our pilot must have been flying.
Fortnite Season 11 has been delayed
Delays on the subway completely derails my day.
Who always hits their target, but only after a delay?
Alice realized she would have to delay her trip a day since the White Rabbit demanded she give him a trim right now. She sighed, "Oh well..."
"...hare today, gone tomorrow."
When shipping delays cause one day of presents to last a week, is it called Amazonnukah?
If you're here for the yodelling lesson....
Pleased form an orderly,orderly,orderly,orderly queue.
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?
Got my gf with a delayed effect.
So last night we were brushing our teeth before going to bed, and I ask her "You know why eating a clock is a bad idea?"
She looks at me funny, because she knows what's coming.
"Because it's very time consuming."
She just rolls her eyes, and goes to bed. But because the joke was in English, and English isn't our first language, I think she didn't quite get it.
A minute after she lies down, I hear a loud groan coming out of bed, followed by "that was really, really lame, honey!"
My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."
"But at least it's made with whole groins."
The Tailor Delay
My girlfriend is having her bridesmaid dress altered, but they pushed back the finish date. The wedding is next week.
I looked at her and said, "That's cutting it close."
It hit so hard that she might be pregnant (I'm not a dad).
In a group chat with my girlfriend and her dad and he sent this
https://imgur.com/a/zLeRYMp
While discussing my 2 hour delay for work with my wife...
Me: The delay was cause they said it was icy. (It wasn't icy at all in reality)
Her: Icy, my ass!
Me: I see your ass, too ;)
So I went to my local astrology group and was asked to take roll call. And wouldn’t you know it?
All the signs were there.
My son asked me what procrastinate meant.
I said I'd tell him later
Delayed cheese shredder
Cheese shredder broke last week - ordered a new, fancier one. Snow slowed the shipment down.
Emailed wife: "Shredder is delayed - I bring you this news with grate sadness."
A group of bedazzled tarps and a bunch of poles walk into a restaurant and order some stakes....
Things became pretty tents.
Did you read about the new group that was created to foster dialogue between Wiccans and Jehovah’s Witnesses?
It’s called the Witch Tower Society.
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
A group of people meet up and eat together every night. But they do not talk about it.
They are part of the bite club
told dad my flight was delayed 50 min...
"better than to find that it took of 50 minutes early before you arrived"
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
The doctor says it's terminal.
Did you know Bennie and The Jets were the first group to social distance ?
I was wondering if this group could help me come up with puns for my husbands promotion watch. It’s an omega speedmaster. He loves puns and I am truest bad at them.
Barry, Robin and Maurice Gibb wanted to start a gangster rap group
They really wanted to be Gs
What do you call a group of horses and male swine that live on a farm nearby?
With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the World Origami Championship.
What rock group has only four members and none of them sing?
I went into a church and asked the minister how much it would cost to rent a church singing group.
He asked, "do you mean a choir?"
I said, "OK, fine, then how much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
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