It’s all about how hebrews it.
A propaganda
A metrognome
That's why it is called "significant" other .... sign-if-I-cant!
He had good morels
Friend: Man my eye hurts so much.
Me: Aww what happened?
Friend: My little sister and I were playing around on the stairs. I slipped and my eye hit the back of her (points down to her ankle) leg.
Me: Awww that's sucks. I really hope your eye heels.
Friend: (Surprised Pikachu Face)
Deaf Defying
......when they are too old to set a bad example.
Tesla makes E-motional cars.
But this picture says otherwise https://i.imgur.com/Gbwfdzu.jpg
He’d be Minnie Driver’s mini Mini Driver.
the TV series would be called Baking Bread.
A pro gamer.
Or a pundit? I think I spun it incorrectly.
[person B]: This one is quite.... fine
Because of the pastry-archy!
My son dropped this unexpected one through dinner last night.
What is the most musical food:
Wraps
Nick
It was a really hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
I have a hunch, it might be me
Because it was two-tired!
Because that is where Destiny is made.
Because of all the sandwiches there.
T hanks
Because his whole life was in ruins.
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
I'm happy I'm part of the 1%
He gives me a run for my money
Good morning everyone! I need the punniest of puns for work. For months, I've been telling my coworkers (either in person, or sending it via email, messaging platform) dad jokes. Lately, though, they're been running a little stagnant and I was wondering if anyone had any really good SFW ones, especially engineering jokes. TIA!
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡Their names are crabA and crabB
I guess that all's well that bends well!
They gave me another one free of charge.
NOKIA!
Wife eyerolled and laughed when I was cutoff in traffic.
You know what the situation is if you have an Atheist who has dyslexia and has insomnia?
You get a person who stays up all night trying to figure out if there really is a dog or not.
Thank you… good night… and tip your servers.😂🤣😂
Propaganda
Deaf defying!
https://i.imgur.com/Gbwfdzu.jpg
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
Everyone
It's when a British person takes a good, long look at something.
