Their wedding invitation for next October told me to "save the date", and rsvp yes or no.
I replied "10-4".
I was like "ok boomerang"
A square dance
We're driving through our neighborhood and a guy pulls out quick and wife says "watch out for the guy pulling out." My 4 year old is at the ask everything stage and says "what's pulling out?" Me "well son, if I did that a little sooner you wouldn't be here" My wife wasn't impressed but it gets better.
So someone in the family recently had a baby and were talking about it and son says "why don't daddies have babies?" We explain and he asks where babies come from. I chime in as I am getting out of the car "well, now we come back to pulling out". He was so confused, wife was pissed but I had a good laugh. I think I'll keep it g rated next time.
I prefer prime ribs.
Daffy finds a bottle and turns to Elmer. "Is this whiskey?" he asked.
Elmer: "Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"
10-4, good buddy!
(Works in America only)
Juu ichi's own, I guess.
I can count on them.
I'm a matheist.
It's too far to walk.
because it was 2²
"That's strange," he says, "I thought Australians usually boo meringue."
Ten-tickles!
“Go ahead! Knock yourself out!”
I kept a log.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
guess i was in-secure
None. They are all copycats.
Because they blessed the rains down in Africa
Props to the dad (or grandpa, rather) who's probably had a lifetime of experience:
(waiting on a table, family is getting into it about politics)
Grandpa: That's asiten!
Son: Acid-10?
Grandpa: No, asiten. As in beyond asinine!
It got a good chuckle from me.
My wife and I just had our first yesterday. My son was less than 10 minutes old when the doctor was doing some post delivery stitching for my wife.
My wife said: "how many stitches is it going to be?"
Doc: "we're not actually counting stitches with this, it's a running stitch"
Without missing a beat, I said "is it going after the fridge?"
There was very brief pause of activity in the room, and then soft chuckles and head shakes. Someone muttered "that's a good one". I feel like I've been inaugurated.
Edit: to everyone confused by this, I'll explain
Back when landlines were the main way of calling people, and cellphones and caller ID was rare (or non-existent), making crank calls was a.... common past-time.
One of the common ones was went like this:
Victim: "hello?"
Pranker: "hi, is your fridge running?"
Victim: "yes, why?"
Pranker: "well then you better go catch it!"
And then you hang up. So the joke here is that because it was a "running stitch" it was running to catch the fridge.
<ba-dum tsss>
Because they're not boy-ant.
I was like where did that come from.
When my daughter was around 10-11, she could be a pain to get up in the morning.
One morning, I came into her room with a maniacally cheerful "Hey Katie, guess what?". I proceeded to keep this up until I get a groggy, grumpy "what?" From her.
I replied "chicken butt". I was serenaded with screams of inarticulate rage as I left her room. Good times!
My 10 year old was putting away her laundry, and I noticed that she had a large pile of unfolded socks. I asked her why she hadn't put them away yet, and she said, "I can't because these are all single."
I said, "I know why they are single. They haven't found their sole mates yet."
She literally snorted, and told me that I finally made a good one.
I feel like this post belonged here 😆
—
“Went and stood in line at the taco bell they built next to my job today. The second I walk in the door all the workers started yelling at me in Spanish. I thought they implemented a new greeting system like Moe's. I waited a good 3 minutes until someone finally came up to the counter and said "Sir, this is a construction zone. You need to leave."
Fucking rude. 1/10 service. Smells like saw dust, nobody in uniform and the menu isn't even on the wall.”
A triathlete walks into a bar to replenish some carbs after a hard workout and orders a beer. "I just got done doing a 10-mile open water swim," he brags to the bartender. "Ten miles, huh? That's impressive," the bartender replies. "I'd struggle to do that much on a bike." "Yeah, well bikes aren't that good in water," the athlete says.
... but all things considered, mine was pretty average, 5/10.
so he hired the 10 most popular comedians in the country to come up with 1 good pun each, hoping one of them would make him laugh.
unfortunately, no pun in ten did
10/4
Lying, stealing etc and thinks they are going to hell. The dev gets to the pearly gates and is met by St Peter...... and their worst fears are confirmed when St Peter pulls out 10 books, all labelled with the devs name.
St Peter says "these books are a record of all the sins you have committed. Do you have anything to say in your defence?"
The dev looks down at their feet and says " I did try to be good"
St Peter says "it's ok, you can come in. You've already paid in syntax"
Too many cheetahs
0-0.
Watching march madness reminded me of this gem from the old man.
