Where do cows go on their first date?
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︎ Apr 04 2023
I remember when I dropped off my son on his first day of school. He looked worried, so I asked him, βWhatβs wrong?β Nervously he answered, "How long do I have to go to school for?β I laughed and replied, βUntil youβre 18." He nodded and thought about it quietly.
When we got to the front gates, he said, βDad, you will remember to come and get me when Iβm 18, wonβt you?β
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︎ Jan 15 2023
Why did the world's first dating agency for chickens go bust?
They couldn't make hens meet.
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︎ May 05 2023
The first thing I do when I get to work is go and hide
Because they say a good worker is hard to find!
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︎ May 04 2023
You just got turned into a ghost, where is the first place you go for help?
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︎ Feb 04 2023
First joke. Go easy on me fellas. In these difficult times of the pandemic, who could benefit most from herd immunity?
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︎ May 01 2022
Name one good thing about an alcoholic; I'll go first:
They sure are good at lifting spirits.
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︎ Jul 09 2022
A woman I met recently let me choose where to go on our first date: an art museum or a science museum
When we went to the art museum she said the chemistry wasn't there.
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︎ Oct 25 2022
At first I wasnβt going to go through with my brain transplantβ¦
β¦but I thought about it and changed my mind.
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︎ Sep 19 2022
Two homies stand in line at the cinema, the first one asks the cashier if the second one can go in for free, she asks:βand why is that?β
He answers: βCause heβs my emotional support dawgβ
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︎ Jul 19 2022
Two trucks pulled up to a scale at the same time. The driver on the right got to go first.
He had the right of weigh.
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︎ Jun 30 2022
Less a dad joke, more a dad observation.... People lament on the first fish evolving to live on land and wish it had just stayed there so we don't have to get up early to go to work.
But then we'd have to go to school every day.
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︎ Nov 14 2021
My son just told me his first dad joke. He's 8, so go easy.
Son: what did the fig say to the table?
Me: I don't know, what did the fig say to the table?
Son, angry voice: Hey! I'm asking the questions here. You FIG-ure it out.
Edit: thanks for the silver, I'll tell the boy in the morning!
Edit 2: explained to my son about the up votes and awards. When he heard that someone spent real money to congratulate him for the joke, he said he bets it was his grandparents. He's excited y'all enjoyed it.
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︎ May 23 2020
It the first thing you do on January 1st is go to a restaurant and order a starter dish, youβre having an APPY new year.
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︎ Jan 01 2022
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
First post go easy
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︎ Aug 20 2020
My first pun here. Go easy
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︎ Apr 17 2021
When you mess up on the first go but you have a good recovery
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︎ Feb 25 2019
First post here. Go easy guys.
Son: Hey day, you wanna go for a run?
Me: Nah, my Keen hurts.
Son: You mean your knee?
Me: Yeah, my Knee got dislocated.
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︎ Jul 02 2021
At first, I was uncomfortable with taking my plants wherever I go.
But now it's growing on me.
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︎ Oct 15 2021
When I was in elementary school, I learned that "when two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking".
I think that rule is graet.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
A son and his father go fishing together for the first time.
Son: how do I catch a fish?
Dad: Easy, just throw this clickbait into the water.
Son: Got it, whatβs next?
Dad: What happens next will shock you.
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︎ Jul 21 2019
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when Iβm down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
A surgeon had three surgeries assigned to the same day. After the first one he said: "One done, tumor to go"
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︎ May 08 2020
For the first time in 6 months, it was warm enough to go outside in just a t-shirt today.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Iβve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!
If you ask me, theyβre cheapskates.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
If a mob of clowns ever try to rob you then remember to go for their jugglers first
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︎ Oct 04 2019
We got a new microwave at work. After heating my food for the first time in the new microwave I go to my colleagues and say to them "I just cut my fingers on the new microwave!"
They all startled "what happened?"
I reply "it's Sharp!"
They murmured something and left the room...
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︎ Apr 15 2021
They say that as you get older, the first thing to go is your memory...
But I can't remember the second thing.
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︎ Nov 03 2019
Where would the first robot rights case go?
The Short Circuit of Appeals.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"
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︎ May 29 2020
My wife asked me if I want to go out to eat for my first father's day
I said, "No. Every mother fucker is going to be out that day."
It took me a second to register what I said, so I turned to her and smiled. She rolled her eyes.
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︎ Jun 17 2016
First timer, go easy if it sucks
Doctor: Are you ticklish
Patient: Iβm not sure
Doctor: Alright Iβm gonna give you a testicle
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︎ Aug 20 2019
I will be flying for the first time so I looked up different airlines. Can anyone tell me if I should go with this airline?
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︎ Sep 07 2018
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, βI heard a good joke today.β Second dog replies, βGo on then.β First dog continues, βKnock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
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︎ Sep 17 2019
Which bus was the first to go from Spain to America?
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︎ Feb 20 2020
After my very first visit to an authentic cowboy ranch, I had to go buy a wiener dog.
I mean, the folks there were so nice, and as I left, the guy told me, "Get a long little doggy!"
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︎ Jul 27 2019
Where do cows go on a first date?
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︎ May 26 2023
Where do cows go on a first date?
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︎ Jan 29 2023
Why did the world's first dating agency for chickens go broke?
They couldn't make hens meet.
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︎ Dec 22 2022
As I was dropping my son off on his first day of school, he worriedly looked at me and asked, βHow long do I have to go to school for?β Smiling, I responded, βUntil youβre 18 buddy!" He nodded, thought about it for a bit and said...
βDad, you will remember to come and get me when Iβm 18, wonβt you?β
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︎ Apr 05 2022
It the first thing you do on January 1st is go to a restaurant and order a starter dish, youβre having an APPY new year.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 01 2022
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, βI heard a good joke today.β Second dog replies, βGo on then.β First dog continues, βKnock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
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︎ Sep 16 2020
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