A bae-B
Needless to say... he was bamboozled
It said “No, I guess you could say I’m still searching”
G: I’m going to the bathroom
B: Fine...
G: Hey! There’s a turd in the toilet in the shape of the letter U
B: Don’t you understand?
G: Hmm?
B: I dumped you
Prose before hoes.
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
My wife was telling her mom about a story she read online about a crazy boyfriend who cut his girlfriends young sons head off. Her mom freaks out and goes omg where? Dad responds right above the shoulders where else
My roommate's girlfriend is currently participating in a study abroad program in Seoul, SK. She had posted something to my Facebook wall and my dad asked me over the phone what she is doing overseas. I told him and he asked what she studies. I said international affairs and without skipping a beat he said "Ah, I see: Boyfriend here, boyfriend there..."
I'm a lead host at a restaurant when this couple walked.
Me: Hi! Welcome to restaurant. Boyfriend: Hey do you guys have any tables here? Me: No sorry you have to eat on the ground.
He instantly realized what had just happened while his girlfriend was laughing super hard.
So I'm at the promotion ceremony of my girlfriend's Dad today. He's being promoted to Assistant Surgeon General so it's a pretty big deal. He's giving his speech and he's acknowledging all the people who are in his life and have come today to celebrate with him. He says this with Surgeon General Murthy sitting behind him, "there are also two of my daughters boyfriends here with me, Mr other daughter's boyfriend, and Mr. Jack The_Baboons_Ass. Let me tell you something about the Mr. The_Baboons_Ass, if you don't know him, you don't know Jack." The Surgeon General looks on not knowing what too think while I'm cracking up. The Surgeon General then comes up to me after the ceremony and introduces himself, saying "Nice to meet you Jack, I guess I do know Jack now" and walks away
My boyfriend was just finishing up cooking for his friends as one of them was plating the food. He (friend A) asked his girlfriend (friend B) to find him a fork.
Friend A: "did you find a fork?"
Friend B: "no, but I do have a spork!"
Friend A: "I don't need that, I hate using sporks!"
Me: "aw, don't be such a spoiled spork!"
I at least got a groan from one of them
