A G walks into a bar in A minor and orders

A Gin&Subtonic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jannehirsimaki
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem

A minor inconvenience

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesus_the_gamer69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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The other day I was attacked by a bunch of children...

but it's okay since I only took minor damage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/David-EN-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I was reciting A, C, and E music notes in a bar. They kicked me out ...

They said no Minor allowed here . ..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Theseus briefly visited Crete

as part of his minor tour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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C, Eb, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.

It's in A flat minor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPeteO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Someone keyed a music note into my car

The damage appears to B Minor

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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A child was slightly injured while digging for gold

Not to worry, only Minor Miner Injuries

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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A man walks into a bar and orders a child

"Sorry," says the bartender, "we don't serve minors."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Who did the band director date?

Aβ™­ Minor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AvGeek1245
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Did you hear about the kindergarten where the roof collapsed?

Thankfully, it only caused minor injuries.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrelse
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Im near sighted and tone deaf

I can’t C sharp, but I am the dad of A minor, That boy is nothing but treble.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeffer90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Why did the prospector get a fake id?

The bar doesn't serve minors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
E-flat walks into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says,

β€œI’m sorry. We don’t serve minors.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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Joke

Unwanted children are minor mistakes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onekillerde2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a paper on immigration?

Minority Report

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πŸ‘€︎ u/New-Kekistan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Huh? Why does my son carry around a small pickaxe?

Simple, he's a minor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ego_Sum_OlleApril
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Do you know why I was sent to the coal mines as a child?

Because I was a minor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
In the early 1900's, a number of protests arose because of employment of children in coal mines.

I suppose you could say the owners had a minor minor miner problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poison_us
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the coal mining startup that used child labor? Thankfully they caught it early.

So it was only a minor minor miner issue.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shargus_live
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Gotta start early if I wanna be a pro dad someday

Sometimes I fumble when switching between chords on a guitar, but it’s just A Minor inconvenience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotDsdguy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?

Because he fingered A Minor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryryryn0
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
As an orchestra conductor, I could tell when the entire violin section missed the key with no sharps or flats...

It was A minor error.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you hear when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HolyMackerel14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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What do you call a kid that searches for gold in a cave?

A minor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinateUniverse
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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Guitar Classes

Only place where you can learn to finger A minor!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/faix_pass
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My car got keyed

The good news is that the damage looks to b minor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Did you hear about the situation in which a black, 17 year old excavator robbed a small convenience store?

It was a minor minority minor miner notoriety.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dishwasherfetus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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I was at piano duel, and then all of a sudden the cops broke down the door and arrested the pianist.

He was arrested for fingering the wrong minor

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Why don't child actors ever really become famous?

They only seem to get minor roles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aidiera
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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All year, I've been telling my friends I just want to meet someone, fall in love be married by my next birthday...

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.

So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."

This went on all night until she got to "forty."

It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't mining towns have hospitals?

Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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My wife just got her breast pump going...

So my wife just got her breast pump all set up. She's got the double suckers rolling, tits out, milk flowing like a minor tributary. And I ASK "ARE YOU PUMPED?!" fucking genius.... She stared silently for like 10 seconds. Then told me to post here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeremySTL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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Never pick a fight with a music teacher

You may think it’s A minor offense, but the punishment could B major

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the musician play that landed him in jail?

He played a D minor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kboisno
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of people under 18 years old going somewhere?

A minor detail.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diagonal-E
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
C, E-flat and G walk in to a bar.

The bartenders says sorry we don't allow minors in here

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theflashsawyer23
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What chord do you hear when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Victoroftheapes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a child digging?

A minor miner

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Garfunkle0707
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Guitar Classes

Only place where you can learn to finger A minor

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faix_pass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Waddya get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A Flat Minor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fred8Ross
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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