Every time I remember one of my past lives, I start crying.
Why?
Because it always ends the same way. I am born in beauty, got enslaved by deceitful people telling me what to believe, get entrapped by the disease and delusion of falsehoods telling me what it means to love, and then I find a way out by repairing my body, mind, and spirit. But it earns such a deep, hardened respect for the honesty in my conscious life force that I must come back to help my loved ones through the pain and misery; in response I get massive hatred and insults while the few who hear me are grateful for their lives.
I am an old soul who has never had a natural death. Seven generations ago, my ancestor was one of the white pioneers who ranged the Canadian wilderness in service of the Hudson Bay Company. His skills in cartography and navigation made him stand out from his peers as he made conscious effort of his treks and failed to get lost. However, the single most influential decision of his life was to provide his respect to the Indigenous tribes to a deep enough level to earn a place among them and the hand of a chieftain's daughter, Mary Mackagonne. The ancestral knowledge passed down to him amplified his natural talents as his role in two societies helped him found settlements safely and hold a modicum of peace for a time amidst the fear-filled fur trappers and the people defending themselves from invaders. His will stipulated that there would be a fund garnering interest to be opened in the mid-20th century; when the time came, the money was nowhere to be found. At the end of his life he and his family were harassed by rivaling white men who lit fire to his buildings and shot guns in the night while he was sleeping, and a few years after becoming a District Master in a Manitoba town he was buried in an unmarked grave with his cause of death being "disillusionment in the Hudson Bay Company".
I found that last fact out today, the first through a google search and the second by a quick conversation with my mom after these tears of my past lives kept coming up.
Deceit is in the world. There are forces that profit from disrupting the peace and weave webs with their words to entrap you into false beliefs so that your life is wasted away from being in REALITY. There is a reason why people who find the Truth have a tendency of giving up everything they own as they realize how much profit is made off twisting people's worth away from the present of presence incarnate in the huma
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Earlier this year I worked as a semiconductor engineer doing some hands on electronics manufacturing in a Fab. I hated it for many reasons - but mostly because of nearly daily handling of 49% Hydrofluoric acid and buffered oxide etch (ammonium fluoride + HF). I ended up quitting in October because of how skittish I was working with the stuff.
I'm still pretty anxious about it. I find it difficult to touch anything in my car because it's held bags,
shoes, etc. that I took to work.
Definitely something I'm going to need therapy for but I guess from a chemistry perspective is there:
A) any chance I could've gotten a drop of HF on an article of clothing/shoe and not noticed it yet
B)if I had could it have rubbed off on other things
C) would it still even be dangerous, 3 months since I last worked around it
I know how silly this sounds (it sounds ridiculous typing it out) but any insight would be very helpful
I guess the concept didn't work
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
My cousin (Angelo, fake name for privacy) is turning 30 in February. To preface, this is not a slanderous post. He’s a kind person, he’s helpful to our family and he has a good heart. I do not mean to be ageist in this post, I’m just a lot younger than him and I need the advice of others to possibly help him, especially people in their thirties.
Here is the problem. He opens up to me about how he hates himself, doesn’t feel confident, has no self esteem, and can’t make any friends. It’s so bad that he doesn’t even need to say any of this, it’s very obvious he has no self worth, confidence, or sense of self. Even people who don’t know him well have asked me why he’s so gloomy and acts like everyone hates him.
Now, my real question comes in here. I have asked him why he doesn’t change if he hates living this way so much. I have met many people with self esteem issues, but they at least make an effort to recover. Angelo refuses to get out of bed most days unless my aunt asks him to, he awkwardly follows me around the house every single time I leave my room, he rarely showers, he never gets out of his pajamas, he’s always talking about how he thinks everyone hates him, he doesn’t practice basic hygiene, he only eats potato chips, never drinks water, and he spends half the day complaining about everything wrong with him but he doesn’t make an attempt to fix anything.
He tells me he likes to be around me because he likes talking to people, but for him, talking means telling me about how his life sucks. His sister is younger than me, so he doesn’t talk to her as much. I only visit once or twice a week, but each time it’s very sad to see him like this. He’s been this way since I can remember. He’s not been in school in years and he hasn’t ever had a job. No girlfriend.
The only friends he has are mine, but I think my friends are just courteous to him. He hangs out with us when we hangout there. And by hangout, he just watches us from across the room. We are all aged about 17 to 22 so it’s kind of awkward, since he’s a lot older. He doesn’t say anything to us. Afterwards, I’ll ask him how he felt, and he’ll say he had fun. I think my presence in the home is good for him, but I learned from my aunt that Angelo NEVER leaves the house.
I asked him last week how he can live like this. He told me that he just never learned to do anything, so he doesn’t try anything. I told him that I wasn’t given a handbook to life, it’s just good to try things and that I’l
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Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
[removed]
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
They just don’t work!
8F / ~ 50 in. / ~50 lbs / White / Lifelong / TX. She takes 0.25 mg of melatonin on school nights to sleep.
Family history for mental health: Bipolar 2 / ADHD / ASD (mother, that's me - all diagnosed as adult), Bipolar 2 / Extreme anxiety (maternal grandmother), depression (various), alcoholism/addiction (various), peculiar undiagnosed behaviors (various). There are a lot of intelligent, unhappy people coping badly in this family tree.
Hello. Please excuse the rambling nature of the following, as I am very tired and distressed about this. I *am* pursuing help for my daughter through several appropriate channels in real life, this post is just "something to do" in the after-midnight purgatory that I find myself in.
My older daughter has always been a very bright, sensitive, high-needs child. She is sensitive to noises, smells, textures, and crowds. She has never slept particularly well and was more difficult as a baby and a toddler than her younger sister. She read very early and does work well above grade level. She is a model pupil and has had no serious behavioral problems at school, except for a couple of weird incidents where she freaked out over being scolded as a part of a group that was being rowdy (she was being quiet and couldn't handle being "punished" for something she didn't do). She also gets along well with her sister and stays busy with a variety of imaginative activities (lots of reading and writing, art, outdoor play, stuffed animal games, etc.). She voluntarily declines most recreational screen time because she now thinks it's unhealthy, despite previously enjoying an hour of video games or TV in the afternoons. Eats reasonably well, but has a narrower range of fruits and vegetables that she likes than her sister does. She is a messy/clumsy child and can't seem to help it. Not super coordinated with her hands, but she is actually a very good soccer player.
But...she acquires fears so, so easily. She worries so much about things that don't always make sense to other people. She has been accumulating fears since before she could read signs - i.e., a picture of a tornado on a door and the explanation that it was a tornado shelter has made her afraid of thunderstorms. Or clouds that *look* like tornados. She is afraid of cats and dogs, burglars, strangers "because they might have guns" (we saw Home Alone last Christmas and it freaked her out), centipedes, accidental poisonings, and so many other things. Her last den