Final Straw Puns

Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",

" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."

It sucks

I have never liked this croppy work environment, but this day's harvest is the final straw!

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the “American dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"

Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"

And that was the final straw.

This has long been one of my favorite jokes. I'd credit the original writer if I could:

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was literature student from Harvard. The other finalist was a lineman from Alabama. They each would have one minute to compose a poem rhyming the word "Timbuktu."

They drew straws, and Princeton student was to go first. He sat and thought for a few seconds, then spoke into the microphone: "Slowly across the desert sand Trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two Destination -- Timbuktu.”

The crowd went wild, certain the Alabama kid was done for. The clock started, and he just stared at the crowd. Then, when everyone thought he was finished, out of nowhere he said:

“Tim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three girls in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu!”

This is the final straw