He has a nervous tick.
So my GF hands me play-dough today and shortly after I text her "Wow! this play-dough is just what my hand kneaded!"
Ann C.
Because it is full of Bear Rings.
It’s like they spun out of control.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
So i get downstairs around 06:45AM this morning. Dad's standing in the kitchen, fidgeting around with something. Mind you, he had been sick the past week or so. Dad: "G'morning. How are you?" Me: "Not too shabby, you?" I prepare my breakfast as he responds "Eh, I'm too smart." I wonder if I understood what he was saying correctly, so i ask him to repeat what he said, and he goes "I'm too smart." once again. I keep thinking to myself "WTF man?" He then turns around with a package of these in his hand: http://imgur.com/OMXu5r9 "I have to take retard pills." I give him the classical "really dad" look, after which he said "That was [morally] bad, don't tell anyone."
Jokes on you dad.
