Family friendly pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nailbunny1313
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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What if the joke is almost family-friendly?

Is it halfsome?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivyzord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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At an auction at a Tourette's syndrome charity, I won a bid for an origami sculpture of scissors made by Dwayne Johnson. To emphasize the charity's cause, he replaced a bad word with a family-friendly word on his origami scissors.

The Rock's paper scissors said "Shoot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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What did the family friendly vlogger say to their baby?

Gucci Gucci goo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NormanPersson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Dogs are by far my most family friendly animal.

I shih Tzu not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pewterpantheman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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Juan's friends and family always tell him how to live his life, but he's been doing some solitary soul searching

Because it takes Juan to know Juan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."

Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bleacher_seat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I told my friends and family a coronavirus joke at the start of quarantine, and no one laughed.

Then everybody got it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LOLSteelBullet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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My friends said that while in safari in Africa, his family was attacked by a herd of oxlike antelopes.

That's gnus to me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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My response to my wife’s update to friends and family regarding my surgery
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skhenson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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A family gets a rabbit, and friend comes over.

Friend: So what are you gonna name him?

Dad: It's a hare, actually.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanaanRS
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tecniklee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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please help with puns for a handyman

Trying to help my friend come up with a fun slogan for his new company, he's going to be doing home repairs

So far I have:

-Get a fix

-We know the drill

I feel like there's a whole family of awesomeness i'm just not hitting on. why am I so bad at this. help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/froggie61
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
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Wellllllllllllllllllllll.....
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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What's a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaurusGuy813
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?

A cannibble

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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My friend was creating the world's longest string of hyphens when he had a family emergency...

He had to dash away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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My friends and family came together and bought me a β€œmost average guy” trophy.

It’s a mean award.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuietSquid8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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I didn't mean to tell all my friends Bush's secret family recipe!

I got drunk and spilled the beans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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Why do all melons get married in a church, in front of their friends and family?

Because they cantaloupe 🍈

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoopsrule44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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My cousin posted two jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted both of them.

He is my cousin, twice [removed]

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Went on a trek on time..

Down south in the backwoods. Along my way I met a friendly family that took me in for the night. Despite being impoverished they insisted that I stay the night and have dinner.

When we had dinner it seemed they were serving a kind of stew. Quite aromatic. I asked them what it was and the reply I got was β€œIt’s Ma’s Soup Y’all.” I shrugged my shoulders and started to eat. The food was good of course but the meat was quite gamey. So I asked what type of meat it was?

β€˜Possum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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My friend comes from a family of bakers.

He was bread for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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I've promised my family and friends not to sing Bruno Mars' Uptown Funk anymore

Dont believe me? Just watch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArashiKaru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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I told my whale friend not to eat that family of dolphins in shallow water but he did and beached himself.

That's why you don't eat Tide Pods.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/l3373r7h4nu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
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A Family Friend

As family friend of ours has not been able to make it to various activities because he is a mortician and keeps getting called into work, when discussing this my very nonchalantly says: "we shouldn't feel too bad for him. Besides, people are dying to see him..."

Edit: spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarbleecookie13
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2017
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Tutoring a family friend's son

I tutor geometry to a 14 year old in high school and he was nervous about his upcoming test so I asked him:

"Do you know what the bravest shape is, one that is relentless?"

"I don't know what?"

"The try-angle."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingcp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2016
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Showing my dad a picture of a family friend's baby that was born yesterday

I showed my dad a photo of a family's friend's newborn baby as it was getting its feet inked to take its prints.

Dad: "Pretty dirty feet for a newborn."

Me: "..."

Dad: "Don't worry. You'll get it soon; and then, you'll laugh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigrar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
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My wife and I just found out she's pregnant with our first child.

To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.

"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."

"Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."

"Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."

"Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."

"Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m_bowker-brown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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She's got a good point
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Montelion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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During a conversation revealing a family friend had cancer...

While waiting for a table at a restaurant, we were discussing if my girlfriend's mom would cut off her hair when the friend lost hers. Suddenly her dad asks, "What kind of candy cow doesn't produce milk anymore?" We all stare blankly until he continued "Milk duds." After a moment of silence his wife suggests we get a drink from the bar while we wait.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendOfDylan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
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Eating pizza with family and friends...

When all of a sudden my 3 year old drops her toy mermaid on the table right into a side cup of marinara. I took advantage of the situation.

"I didn't know she was an Italian mermaid"

Groans were had amongst all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NavySasquatch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2016
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A family friend named Lance brought some fatherly flavour to my parents' last Christmas party

[my parents bickering like a married couple] My mom: don't get snippy! Lance: my hairdresser gets a bit snippy sometimes

Everyone else: good lord that was majestic

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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My family and some friends and I went to a restaurant...

My dad ordered their seafood pizza to which the waitress replies, "Thats only available at happy hour." Dad says, "But we're happy right now!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cornpuff27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2015
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Got my friend abandoned by his family for a vacation.

Him: I'm so mad. My whole family is in Milan right now and I'm stuck here at school. Me: Would you say you're feeling a little Milan-choly?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/delawahoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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I met some of my friend'a family this weekend.

Friend: "Oh hey! I don't think you've met Jessie before."

Her cousin's dad: "Well hello, Jessie Before! I'm Terry."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JynxYouOweMeA
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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Dad-joked a family friend

http://i.imgur.com/hrFxsXl.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTurner
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2015
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Why do rock melons need to get married in front of friends and family?

Cantaloupe

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2016
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