The details went over my head but he certainly knows his shit.
He Frida Kahlo
By reading the dick-tionary!
A protuberance.
No matter who wins, its still four quarters gone
BOOM-meringue pie!
He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”
“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”
"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.
He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”
The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.
Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."
The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.
The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.
"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"
The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.
"What seems to be the problem, sir?"
"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"
The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.
"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."
He refers to himself as a conifer
Michael is married to a woman called Lorraine, but he is getting a bit bored of her. Michael wants to start a little side thing with this girl called Claire. Her name is Claire Lee, to be specific Lorraine doesn’t want this, so she forbids Michael to go out with Claire. One day, Michael was at work, and while Lorraine is out walking the dog, she gets hit by a car and dies. Michael goes to the funeral and of course everyone’s sad, and they want Michael to go up for a speech. Michael goes up, he’s obviously quite sad, his wife just got killed, and he says “oh, this is sad, I’m sad, she died too soon but-“
“I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone”
"Europe to something, aren't you?"
Me.
"Sure, pa."
Pro deuce
but I’m knot
His name was Broco Lee
I know them like the front of my hand
A nunja.
I can do with my eyes closed.
Bear Grills
EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short
A Somalier
It's called,Cash in the Addict.
;
That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.
The Naval Corps.
You can hear a pin drop, after all.
A master of pun fu
Dad calls him "Chop Suey."
"Wow," I thought to myself, "This is really a man of the whorl."
"... They're out standing in their field."
The Flat Earth Society is especially worried. They think their members might be driven over the edge.
Becasue I want expert advice!
Experts believe best defense to be heard immunity
I want to change my IGN to something that includes puns. right now I came up with "PunKneeShare" which I think is not that original nor good. what are your suggestions?
Because they're goodfellers.
They took one of their prized possessions—The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamonds—to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.
The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."
Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"
The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."
They’re called stoners for a reason, you know.
I read one article and now I’m an expert on the Dunning-Kruger Effect.
AMA
