I asked u/the_poop_expert why he picked that username.

The details went over my head but he certainly knows his shit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/greatfriendinrome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the art expert that broke his friend out of prison?

He Frida Kahlo

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/baconlord906
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2021
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How do you become an expert of penises?

By reading the dick-tionary!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/itchypeanutsog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2021
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What do you call a wash given by a potato expert?

A protuberance.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/justacuriouswombat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a friend who is a demolition expert. One day, I made a bet with him, a dollar that he couldnt raze the whole neighbourhood

No matter who wins, its still four quarters gone

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What's an Australian demolition expert's favorite dessert?

BOOM-meringue pie!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/racermd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2021
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The world’s leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant β€œDo you have β€˜European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

β€œCertainly,” replies the assistant. β€œWould you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, β€œI'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotFunny_69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine thinks he's an expert on tree types.

He refers to himself as a conifer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
So there’s a man called Michael

Michael is married to a woman called Lorraine, but he is getting a bit bored of her. Michael wants to start a little side thing with this girl called Claire. Her name is Claire Lee, to be specific Lorraine doesn’t want this, so she forbids Michael to go out with Claire. One day, Michael was at work, and while Lorraine is out walking the dog, she gets hit by a car and dies. Michael goes to the funeral and of course everyone’s sad, and they want Michael to go up for a speech. Michael goes up, he’s obviously quite sad, his wife just got killed, and he says β€œoh, this is sad, I’m sad, she died too soon but-β€œ

β€œI can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dook3210
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2021
🚨︎ report
The world leading expert on wasps is walking down the street when he passes a record store. /r/Jokes/comments/ngw5zr/…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/General_Georges
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What would Brexiteers say to people they couldn't trust?

"Europe to something, aren't you?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2021
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Do you know who is an expert on the Dunning-Kruger effect?

Me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
"Son, do you think we should find an expert to guide us in our trek up Mt. Everest?"

"Sure, pa."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/logansworth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2021
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Eating more fresh vegetables makes you an expert pooper. It's right in the name.

Pro deuce

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
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I wish I was an expert at tying ropes together

but I’m knot

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bagelfaceass
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Cat Expert.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 118
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whyyoutookmyname
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Found out martial arts expert Bruce Lee had a vegan brother

His name was Broco Lee

πŸ‘οΈŽ 89
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sacrelidge
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03 2020
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I'm an expert at idioms

I know them like the front of my hand

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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What do you call a Catholic Sister who's an expert in stealth and martial arts?

A nunja.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JakeIsTheEnemy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2021
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I am very expert when going to sleep.

I can do with my eyes closed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ATalkingDoubleBarrel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25 2021
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What do wilderness survival experts use to cook their burgers

Bear Grills

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/carcival
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
[need for help] Pun experts, share the best pun you know about academia/professors/education/writing for grants. Any help deeply appreciated!

EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sedulas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2020
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Y'all acting like overclocking is an expert thing
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an expert wine taster from the horn of Africa?

A Somalier

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/peva3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a new show on BBC where heroin junkies can determine via experts, how much money they've shot up over the years.

It's called,Cash in the Addict.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rossco1874
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:

;

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/edhere
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".

That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vbloke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
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What military branch is an expert on belly buttons?

The Naval Corps.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/themoistimportance
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
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What do you call an old explosive expert?

A BOOMer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JayFlitz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Experts have confirmed that bowling is officially the quietest sport.

You can hear a pin drop, after all.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/that_dirty_juggler
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2020
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What do you call an expert at dad jokes?

A master of pun fu

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2020
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You'll definitely need an expert for that
πŸ‘οΈŽ 82
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ELZEKO_gamer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2020
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My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!

Dad calls him "Chop Suey."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
People Who Are Expert Fishers Are Also Master Baiters
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xoyamec69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
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What does a martial arts expert drink?

Kara-tea

πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Radish00
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I met this rich, easy-going fingerprints expert.

"Wow," I thought to myself, "This is really a man of the whorl."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jaderosegrey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2019
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Driving past a farm, I said to the kids, "Those are expert horses..."

"... They're out standing in their field."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 89
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kuzinrob
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Experts warn that all this social distancing is causing a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression.

The Flat Earth Society is especially worried. They think their members might be driven over the edge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jfshay
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2020
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What do you call a denim expert?

A jeanius.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 233
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/flyingfishtaco
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I talk to myself...

Becasue I want expert advice!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GatoAmigo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you see the news about the new virus infecting people ears ?

Experts believe best defense to be heard immunity

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bonnieblack100
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Pun experts, I need your help

I want to change my IGN to something that includes puns. right now I came up with "PunKneeShare" which I think is not that original nor good. what are your suggestions?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Awesome_Arsam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2019
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Why are mobsters expert at chopping down trees?

Because they're goodfellers.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.

They took one of their prized possessionsβ€”The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamondsβ€”to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.

The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."

Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"

The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2021
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Did you know a lot of drug addicts are experts in geology?

They’re called stoners for a reason, you know.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mastercore8112
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Dunning-Kruger Effect AMA

I read one article and now I’m an expert on the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

AMA

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrhitman83
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report

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