The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Adam and Eve were the first people to..

Not read Apple terms of agreement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Damander
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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What did Adam say to Eve the day before Christmas?

Merry Christmas Eve

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cusecuse23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What did Adam said to Eve when she was feeling sleepy?

Everest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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The first computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple that barely had any memory. One byte, and everything crashed.

It probably ran on Python

Credit: u/FriendofHolySpirit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cubic-Zirconia
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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It’s pointless to get into an argument about the Adam and Eve creation story versus evolution.

It is comparing apples to origins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Some Christmas Dad Jokes

Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?

Because they are rain-deer.

Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?

He had low elf esteem.

source

Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?

They always drop their needles.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?

Frostbite

​What did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?

It's Christmas Eve!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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So 3 nuns die and go to Heaven and are at the pearly gates...

After dying in a fatal car crash, 3 nuns end up at the pearly gates and the saint there tells them "Since you're so pure of heart and free of sin you can all go into the Kingdom of Heaven if you answer 3 questions. I'm going to ask you one question each."

The saint turns to the first nun and asks: "Who were the first two humans God created?"

She says: "Adam and Eve!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the second nun and asks: "What was the one thing Adam and Eve were told not to do in the Garden of Eden?"

She says: "They weren't allowed to eat the fruit of knowledge!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the last nun - the mother superior - and says "Since you're the mother superior my last question is going to be difficult to answer, but if you answer correctly you can get into Heaven. So my question for you is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they realized they were naked?"

Now she has to think a little and as she thinks she's close to conceding, uttering "Gee, that's a hard one..."

The saint lets her right into Heaven.

The End.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thora-suan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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When was multiplication invented?

A long time ago. Adam and Eve were the first to multiply.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milkchaser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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You lied to me!

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/H-KEVIN
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Church School

Sally was at Sunday school, when she fell asleep. The teacher realizes this and says, β€œSally who is the creator of life?” Her friend, Colin, who sat behind her. Poked her with a needle to wake her up. She wakes with a jump and yells, β€œGOD ALMIGHTY” The teacher responds, β€œVery good Sally.” Soon later, Sally falls back asleep. The teacher, again notices and says to her, β€œSally who is our savior?” Colin again, pokes her with a needle. Sally jumps up and yells, β€œJESUS CHRIST!” The teacher responds, β€œVery good.” For a third time Sally falls asleep. The teacher, having enough of it, asked, β€œSally, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 17th child?.” Colin again, pokes Sally with a needle to wake her up. She jumps up and yells, β€œI SWEAR TO GOD, if you shove that thing in me one more time, I’m going to rip it from you, and shove up your throat!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NashYaBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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In the garden of Eden

Adam and Eve were spending time together, and it started to get hot and heavy. When Eve tells Adam to stop, he asked what's wrong? She sits up and pulls a fig from behind her back and says I don't wanna have sex on the first date

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Sized
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups... (Long Pun)

When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups. There was a brand identity project for a new company, and I was in charge of typography, but those two disagreed with my choice of font.

The first one was this stony-looking Peruvian-American man named Esteban Ferrero, but since that's Spanish for Steven Smith, and our company had a rule that everyone has to call each other using nicknames instead of last names, everyone, including himself, just called him Steve. The second one was a Dutch woman with a sharp glare named Evelien van der Berg. She was famous for giving designers a hard time convincing her that their design choices work better than hers. In accordance with the company rules, we called her Eve.

Anyway, I showed Steve my first draft, and he wasn't convinced that I chose LinoLetter as the main font, and told me that I should use a sans-serif font. But I stood by my position that serifs add legibility to printed and digital material, that it fits the company's identity as an organic store, and that it is hard to stand out with a sans-serif. It took a lot of debate, but in the end, Steve was convinced that LinoLetter was acceptable.

A few days later, I showed Eve a more elaborated version, as for the sizes and styles of the font, and the pairing of LinoLetter with Century as the headline font. She insisted that I should have used a sans-serif font for the headline. I expressed my view that LinoLetter is a font with composed and legible shape, and Century, while it is also legible, has flair at larger sizes. She kept disagreeing with me, saying I should use something bolder and more contrasting, like Tungsten. It felt like hours had passed before the conversation went anywhere, so I had to give up and look for a sans-serif font that goes with LinoLetter.

So it goes to show that the one who gave me a hard time was adamant Eve, not adamant Steve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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A friend on facebook acknowledging all the men's rights activists for the holiday...

Happy New Year's Eve, everybody!

And to all you men's rights activists out there, Happy New Year's Adam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mydogsnameisrocky
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
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The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Edits: Thanks for all the awards!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deant_b01
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.

And then everything crashed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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What did Adam say to Eve the night before Christmas?

It’s Christmas Eve. (I’ll let myself out...)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewbaccaNZ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Did you know the worlds oldet computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve?

The computer was branded by apple, but it had very limited memory. It only had 1 byte and then everything crashed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masesarkidd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with just one byte. And then it crashed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buildblox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple.

It had extremely limited memory. Just one byte. Then everything crashed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krystx57
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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How were people born?

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alternatingcn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Found this joke online xD

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything CRASHED.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueMeteor134
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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