r/punpatrol
r/punKGB
r/Pun_Internal_Affairs
r/punspecialforces
These are the names of our oppressors! There may be more, but they are our greatest threat. They are currently amassing an army to try to end puns as we know it.
If we are to save this beautiful form of our language, than we must unite! We must not divide ourselves by titles, but unite ourselves as punners!
They plan on eradicating all puns by going to the source, the pun user. Are we to let ourselves be undermined by those who think they are better than us? Are we to let ourselves and all future generations be banned from puns? If you say no, then join in the revolt
##VIVA LA R/PUNS
I said: βNo it doesnβt.β
I'm not asking
Envelope
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Unbelievable, right?
He was a pain in the neck
Nothing
Itβs night
It really does, I swear!
It was quite the shindig
>!Firetruck!<
Because that would be edgy
*my kids love this joke*
What starts with a W and ends in a question mark?
It wasn't my type.
Just wanted you to know
He just wouldn't open up.
Me...
I'm a divorce lawyer.
At the Finnish line.
Puns
Interviewer: Impressive! You are hired!
Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob.
He should have quit while he was still a head.
I am a 28 year old male, and for as long as I can remember every time me and my dad move something, such as a chair, or a couch, or a coffee table, he said "alright I'll get the heavy end" and idk why I always just assumed he was being nice and getting the heavier side.
And it literally just occurred to me within the last few weeks when we picked something up, there's no heavy end. They're both the same weight πππ
Edit: I understand certain things have heavy ends, which is why I initially believed it. And then never questioned it any further.
It's a catastrophe!
They immunocompromised.
The bastard kept demanding first and last month's rent and I kept telling him I wasn't here last month
All because they're miners.
So I said "Well which one are you?"
First one was positive for covid, the second one had laryngitis, next one a smokerβs cough and the last one had a sore throatβ¦
I think they were the Four hoarse men of the apocalypse.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."
Opinions.
"Itβd be a shame if someone put an βsβ at the front, and an βeβ at the end!"
Because opinions on those jokes are pretty split. I donβt know if theyβll appeal to everyone.
Three bags of skittles and a small body to hide.
But he never made it as a wise man
It goes on a naan.
I'm going to need a new keyboard.
I messaged him βoh deer, that must have been stag-gering when you fawned out you didnt get itβ.
It really does I swear!
Envelope.
Envelope!
"Firetruck."
I said,βNo it doesnβt.β
"N"othin"G"
