Emotional dysregulation Puns

My ADHD has become so overwhelming that any negative thing is enough to make me explode. I lash out at people, even when they just want to help me. I can't stop hurting the ones I love, and I don't know what to do. It's like I'm not even in control of myself. My own mother is afraid of me. I just wish that my problems only affected me, I feel so selfish, they put so much work in to help me and I just say awful things to them. I'm tired of making the people I love feel bad because they can't do anything but watch me suffer through this. It's only a matter of time that everyone realizes I'm more work than I'm worth. I'm so tired of being this helpless mess, I had dreams, I wanted to help people, but I just sit here all day and waste away. Is there anything I can do to lessen my emotional dysregulation so that my loved ones don't have to suffer with me?

TL;DR: I can't stop lashing out at people because I'm so sensitive to every little thing. Is there anything I can do to make it stop?

My feelings towards something can differ significantly, even on such matters as if I love my partner or not. I can swear I do and truly mean it, only to perhaps feel indifferent or even contemptuous the next day.

I don’t let this shine through, because it simply doesn’t seem fair. I can’t think of anything as to why I feel so averse against them. I reckon it is a projection of my fears in some way

I feel as if my emotions are oftentimes irrational, and I’ve coped with this through analyzing the patterns and creating consistent behavior from those patterns, as an attempt to create clarity and have any foundation at all to build meaningful relationships upon.

I have this with anything meaningful, really. I severely struggle to care about something consistently. Which really does severely undermine my ability to build foundational principles to guide myself by, and work towards meaningful goals.

By no means do I intend to imply meaning should be consistent, it’s fluidity is apart of its beauty. Yet I reckon you can imagine how difficult it makes it to make emotional decisions, specially on the short term. Even more so when you’ve established a mutuality with someone, as you do in a partnership. Where you cannot and should not direct emotional responses towards that they didn’t deserve and you cannot justify.

It is likely just a weird mess of complexes, I oftentimes feel as if people have no sense of how much internal debate it takes for me to reach a conclusion on how to healthy function. As they only witness the tiresome string of outcomes that comes together as a seemingly pretty healthy way to function. I like to think I am making progress, yet analyzing, dissecting, understanding and reconstructing every thought and emotion before being able to act on them is weighing down on me.

I feel as if I function, through sets of templates I’ve created through reaching the same conclusion through that process enough times to have internalized what the outcome should be. It feels like muscle memory, rather than an intuitive emotional response. it never seems to really grasp the truth, or the life it refers to. It merely represents

Once I got the gist of it into focus, I realized more thinking and over analyzing wasn’t going to fix this. I need to make my logic channel my emotion, rather than use representations of what I think I should be feeling

That brings me back to the original topic of emotional dysregulation, which is still a massive pain in the

The title... I’m so frustrated. Why do I have to be so emotional? Why do I cry or get angry over the smallest things???? Today I drank caffeine a short bit after taking Adderall, and it was a complete disaster. I struggle with Emotional Dysregulation probably the most out of a lot of my other adhd traits, but geez today just sucked. It took my negative traits and instead of the medicine working the caffeine made everything worse. Why do I cry when I’m bored, but don’t have the ability to get up out of adhd paralysis and do anything?? Why do I hyperfocus and then drop something and find everything so boring, but then emotionally suffer due to boredom. I just want to be able to NOT get so emotional over any little thing and have some peace....

My ADHD dx partner was trying to convince me of how great it was/is that they are having *fewer* outbursts, tantrums, and combative/argumentative events since getting on both Wellbutrin and Ritalin (for just a few months so far) -- and saying this meant progress around emotional regulation.

In a way, sure, I'm glad I'm not dealing with as many outbursts.  But in my experience, there is another face to the dysregulation and it's the learned helplessness, childlike, making even more mistakes, uncommunicative (omg, "use your words!"), listless/lost, often crying basket case that just feels to me also childish, in need of constant hand-holding, and non-adult.

I'll agree this is a better version, as I hate feeling attacked and senseless arguments about nothing.  But it's not like having an adult partner, either -- nor like brainstorming constructive ways to make things better.  I often will say something like, "yes, but you're in that OTHER state now, so it's really hard to talk about this with you. . . " and that of course leads to defensiveness and full-on outrage from my ADHD dx partner at calling these affective states "states."

Would a mood stabilizer or some other strategy help this or have any of you found a way to explain to a partner that presentation #2 is still a form of emotional dysregulation and is almost more lonely for the partner because it's almost more non-adult?

Hi there, lately I am suffering more than normal with my ADHD. I was super anxious so I gave a break in my meds, what I do not recommend, and I thought it made me better but actually it just elevated my depression to the point of extreme apathy so it was not that i was helping was just that I was numb.

I always been a very introvert person, being around a lot of people and stimuli just drain me right to the bone. When the pandemic came I was locked away from my husband as I was living in another town for college and he has an autoimmune disease so I was not willing to risk bring it to him, soon all lectures became online and I loved it. Not having to interact with people all day, not feeling self conscious that my classmates are younger than my baby brother seemed like a dream. But not long after things started to get more difficult. I put down to "normal" depression and anxiety that plagues me for as long as I can remember.

The think is, its getting worse... I, as a trully innatentive adhd being, took nearly the whole pandemic to realise that the problem is gettig worse because I am lonely. Yes I have an incredible husband but and while I rather be alone most of the time, I am still human and my personality needs are completelly against my biological needs for human interaction. Christmas is the worse for me, I am not religious but in my country religious or not Christmas is a big family thing that I thought that I hated but i really dont. So while I was procrastinating doing my almost over due assignment I found a video based on science that explain why humans feel lonely on a evolution/biological way and made a lot of sense not only for the loneliness but also made sense, even though the video does not mention, for rejection sensitivity.

per rules of the community I think I cannot post the link of the video but if you look for Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell Loneliness you may find and its sooo interesting and pretty animation too despite beina wee bit long.

PS: I AM IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM ASSOCIATED TO THE CHANNEL OR ADVERSING IT, I JUST WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING THAT TOOK ME OUT OF MY MISERY PIT FOR A BIT.

Is there a difference between a dysregulated nervous system and emotional dysregulation? If the issue is a dysregulated nervous system what helps? Are medications helpful or not for a dysregulated nervous system? Are there certain therapies that help? What causes a dysregulated nervous system and what are signs of it?

My therapist suspects the issue is dysregulated nervous system and she’s explained it some but I’m having trouble understanding or finding anything to help me understand what she’s talking about. Hoping to hear about experiences in therapy etc from anyone else with this issue ?

I have felt like complete crap since this morning because I finally snapped at my supervisor because my co-worker keeps taking "sick days" and/or leaves way early (like around 9-10am). I mean we work remotely, but it still stresses me out. I also have OCD and can't stand when there's emails backed up or old emails not updated (I work for title companies- who are stressful themselves), so I am the one who does everything and makes sure title companies are updated. I push about 70 emails in one morning and my co worker does like 5. She's a single mom with two autistic boys apparently and she is my supervisors ex-sister in law. As anyone with ADHD knows, my frustration threshold is negative and I've had to hold all this in.

Today I asked my supervisor why the inbox wasn't updated after my co worker had worked over the weekend and he responded with saying things like it seems like I'm "bitter about her situation." I also asked to have Friday off and he said no, that there's a difference from being sick and wanting a day off...when I mentioned my co worker gets days off whenever she wants. Not to mention I asked for a raise from my actual boss and all he gave me was a $1 raise this past week. I'm 30 years old making a wapping $16/hr and I live in CA that's like barely gas money, it takes me 3 hours of work to fill up my gas tank. I feel like a complete loser to say the least which doesn't help feeling rejection sensitivity.

I'm also in grad school, so after the convo and work I had to go to class today and I felt like absolutely everyone hated me. I felt left out of conversations, etc. My mom didn't text me back after talking to her earlier and I even felt like she hates me now or is annoyed with me. It even goes as far as posting anything on social media, I immediately hate myself and feel dumb for even posting anything. I end up muting people from seeing my story or deleting it all together, sometimes disabling my entire instagram because I can't stand this feeling. I keep thinking to apply to other jobs, but then the thoughts of "people just won't like me anywhere I go" start to creep in. It's such a horrible feeling

... But I know it's all in my head from just the one bad convo with my supervisor this morning + remembering and thinking about anything bad anyone's ever said about me before while feeling this way.

I struggle really badly with constantly overwhelming emotions, and feeling everything at 120%. It's tiring, and I'd give anything to just be numb and NOT feel things. I've been on literally every antidepressant, but they don't help with the mood swings and feelings that are so intense they cause physical pain, they just kinda take the edge off the burnout. I have a meeting with my doctor tomorrow, and I want to ask about switching from an antidepressant to maybe a mood stabiliser or something? I feel like my life would be so much easier to navigate if I wasn't constanly battling these huge emotions all the time and masking to try and hide them away, the constant crying, the nausea literally thing remotely negative happens, the mood swings that are so extensive I've lost jobs and friends. Does anyone have any experience with medications for this? ARE there any medications for it?! I'm really struggling and I NEED help with it, and I just don't know what to ask for or even how to DESCRIBE it to someone who's not on the spectrum... please, if you struggle with this and you've gotten help, how did you do it? What medications help? What do I need to ASK for?

I am a mom to a sweet 4 year old and had post partum anxiety, which came out as anger a lot after he was born. I hated that time in my life and hope to never feel that way again.

What were your emotions like after surgery?

How did you manage being a wife/mother while going through that?

Does it last the whole time that you are losing?

Any tips for managing?

I was having a good night and watching a funny YouTube video. During this time, I’d been waiting on a reply from a random guy I’d just matched with on Tinder. He insulted me (unprovoked), and I’ve been on a tailspin since. I cried about that, which I know is dumb because I don’t even know the guy enough for an insult to have held any weight in the first place, then started questioning my place in the world and thinking I’m better off dead if I can’t relate to anyone or seem normal. I then started tearing up because I saw Christmas lights and thought of my recently deceased grandma and how I lost the only sense of having a semblance of celebrating Christmas (my home unit never did). And now I’ve just burned my hand with my favorite mug and it feels like the end of the world.

Long story short, I regularly have some sort of spiral of anger or extreme sadness over things that are menial to others. How can I make it stop, or at least reel it in? I’ve tried several different meds, but none of them have helped with every single thing that’s wrong with my brain. 😭

I have always been very self aware and I know how to use logic regarding my trauma, so CBT isn’t working and I’m going to ask this new therapist I’ve been seeing for a referral to someone else who does something different. My main struggles are emotional dysregulation and intrusive thoughts, which both of them you can’t really logic your way out of. The emotional mind will not respond to the rational mind and that’s just how it is, there’s nothing I can do to really prevent or help myself through extreme lows. With my intrusive thoughts I know that they aren’t true, I know I don’t believe them, so it’s not worth thinking about or being upset about them, but I can’t control that. Intrusive thoughts spiral into severe anxiety and depression and a good part of the time I’ll be suicidal during one of these episodes, which happen on a near daily basis. That’s something logic and reframing won’t fix. Same with the emotional dysregulation, one small trigger can have me suicidal and begging to die to end the pain because it hurts so much. I can’t control that. The only thing I can do when I’m upset is go through it and try to survive it, but it’s just so exhausting. I don’t know of any therapy that could help with this and I don’t believe there is one. I don’t see how talking will make it easier to control my emotions, but I hope there’s something, cause I’m tired of being a grown man crying himself to sleep almost every night.

The one thing keeping me around is talking to myself as if I wasn’t alone, pretending and venting to someone who isn’t there and imagining them comforting me. Thats all I have. That’s my one coping mechanism. I don’t know if it’s bad to create a delusion that I’m not alone, it can’t be healthy but if I didn’t the loneliness would be too much for me to handle and it wouldn’t matter. I just know it works and it’s worked since I was very young, like as little as 8 years old. I basically never outgrew having an imaginary friend.

Medications have never helped me either, at least SSRIs, so maybe some other drug class would help. I was lucky to have Tramadol after a surgery that helped stabilize my mood, but it won’t last forever. That and there are so few psychiatrists who would prescribe it for psychiatric treatment since it’s for physical pain, not emotional pain.

I also have sleep problems and have to use benedryl or unisom in relatively high doses to have any chance of sleep (anywhere from 75mg-200mg). It’s been like this since I was a o

I feel like mental health professionals don’t place nearly enough emphasis on emotional instability/dysregulation associated with ADHD. I’ve struggled all my life with managing intense emotions, so I sought years of therapy in an attempt to help this. It never got better, and it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months back that I finally got an explanation.

Rant aside, does anyone have any advice on managing emotions that caters specifically to those with ADHD? And does anyone else relate? My short temper and impulsivity create conflict at times, and it always ends with me feeling ashamed and guilty because I genuinely don’t mean any harm:(

I am emotionally hypersensitive. As a result, I am constantly sensitive to the environment around me and constantly feeling intense emotions. There is no other way to process these other than to compartmentalize and let them buildup unconsciously, and then release to my friends or family. However, there are situations where I can't be releasing it to certain people due to complicated situations. But I don't know how else to address my triggers for lower back pain if not expressing myself emotionally. I believe this approach for coping with emotional dysregulation makes me dependant on others to the point that it leaves me vulnerable to their unpredictability. Dealing with that social aspect then becomes a lot worse for my mental health but I do it anyway so that I can somehow manage to regulate my emotions no matter how tired I become. I want to get to a point where I can regulate my own emotions by myself without constantly seeking external dependence for it (I already have a solid support system of 3 people who live far away, plus maybe one more who is nearby). That way I would reduce the possibility of me getting hurt and having to suffer the aftereffects of me becoming too involved. Unfortunately due to my traumatic childhood I constantly seek out a feeling of safety and security that is hard to find within people and then establish.

What about you guys? Any luck? Haha

So I know ADHD often comes with emotional dysregulation of all kinds, but I particularly struggle with my reaction when I am yelled at. It doesn't matter who it is, if they are substantially older and/or scary looking I just burst into tears :/

A few days ago on christmas a very very drunk family member yelled at me for a dumb reason, and in the moment I was just in shock, borderline amused that someone would yell and bang doors for such a small reason, but as soon as I had time to process what the hell happened I started crying and couldn't stop... everyone made a huge deal about it. I was also accused of "ruining christmas" if I didn't put this behind me on the spot because he was just "too drunk", despite trying to hide the fact that I was crying to begin with.

Fellow ADHDers, do you have any coping strategies for this? I hate being perceived as weak and fragile...

Have any of your therapist ever told you that? They basically said that those therapist that diagnose with BPD are not really good, and the threatments for that disorder aren't good either. He made me lern about DBT, and I think it's great, but I see that people who are diagnosed as borderline use it too! but I want to call it BPD, not emotional dysregulation, becasue it englobes way more of what I have. What can I tell them? He said it's the same, but having specific word for what I have and what I feel makes me feel safe.

Hi all,

I know this has been asked before but I wanted to give some context to my own situation and maybe some of your experiences will be similar? Also, sorry for the length of this post.

I have diagnosed social and generalised anxiety, the generalised being most problematic. I'm currently in CBT. My issue has been, my moods. I feel anxiety fuels this but I spoke to my psychiatrist who said I have 'emotional dysregulation'. Basically, I don't feel happy often and when I do, I'm worried about what will go wrong. Mostly, I'm a mess and my moods are frequently anxious, sad, anger, irritability etc and these can be triggered from the smallest of things and last hours. It's destroying me and having a massive impact on my relationship. I've started going to the gym and doing some mindfulness which kind of helps but only 'in the moment'. Previously I've tried a beta blocker and citalopram, escitalopram and Effexor. All gave me some not so nice side-effects including the sexual issues too but I did not give the Effexor long enough to work. So I've been against all meds since but I can no longer do this myself and feel I need the help.

So here's my question, I want to try Effexor again or a SNRI of some description as I've heard these can help anxiety the most. My main concern is - sexual dysfunction which did happen when on Effexor but again I did not stay on long enough to see if this subsides, weight change as weight used to be a massive trigger for my social anxiety and the apparent withdrawals that are attached to this drug. In your experience (especially for anxiety / mood regulation), what has Effexor done for you? Also, in terms of weight change, sexual issues, what are your experiences?

I really appreciate all of you that take the time to read and share your experiences with me. I just want to feel myself again. Thank you.

Hi, I am nearly 40 and a woman and I just got diagnosed with ADHD and just started meds. This has, of course, prompted my family and I to have a lot of discussions kinda looking through the past with this new understanding of things which has been really interesting. My dad is going to talk to a psychiatrist now about his symptoms and try some medicine (that right there is proof it's never too late!). Anyway, my dad has had real problems with emotional dysregulation and it has caused multiple relationships to end and ours to come close many times.

I had also struggled with it for most of my life.... until I had been diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago and saw a somatic therapist. Even before my adhd diagnosis and meds my somatic therapist was able to reintroduce me to my body in away I had never really been properly introduced and in short order was able to hep me gain control of my emotions. It was life changing and allowed me to address not only my past trauma, but my substance abuse, emotional dysregulation and even some of my stimming behaviors. It worked so well I have sent three other friends (non-adhd) to her and she managed to accomplish the same types of good work.

I just wanted to throw this out there as I know so many of us struggle with these things and also look for non-pharmalogical options for treatment so if you haven't heard of Somatic therapy and are struggling with the emotional aspects of ADHD it is something to look into and consider. <3

I'm a PhD student. I participated in a virtual competition this morning, I have a proposal due tomorrow at midnight, and I have to present a seminar to my entire graduate department tomorrow. On top of that, I also have an experiment that I have to get to on Tuesday, and if I don't get to it, it WILL screw up my study. The experiment is about a 2.5 hour drive away, and starts at 7am, which means I have to leave either Monday night, when the paper will be due, or absurdly early Tuesday morning, which also isn't ideal.

I went to pick up a couple groceries when the competition was over, feeling good, planning to work on my paper once I got back, and my car broke down on the way. So I broke down. Because instead of picking up the groceries I needed, I was sitting in my useless car waiting for a tow truck while my brain spiralled as I realized I wouldn't be able to get to my experiment because I won't have my car. And then how this is time I need to be spending on my proposal because I wouldn't have time tomorrow due to the seminar and the drive, but that I couldn't work on my proposal because I was stuck waiting in below freezing temperatures for a tow truck. And then because the tow truck alone would cost more than I could afford, so how on earth was I gonna pay for repairs? And then my mom tried to help me talk out the problem, but I absolutely hate people seeing or hearing me cry, so on top of the overwhelming anxiety and panic setting it, I was also feeling humiliated because my mom was witnessing it. And then I impulsively hung up on her because it became clear that if my car problems were serious enough, I would not make it home for Thanksgiving, and they were not willing to come out to see me. So then my dad angrily texted me to call her back once I calmed down, which I still haven't done, because even though I've been calm now for hours, I still don't want to talk about it.

And I know now that I overreacted. I knew it as it was happening that I was overreacting. I was wiping the tears off my face getting even more frustrated with myself because I knew I shouldn't be so upset. That I'm an adult and I should be able to handle stress better. I think that's the worst part, being aware even as it's happening that I should be doing better than I'm doing. But now I'm just exhausted and I'm dreading doing any of the things I need to do tonight and I wish my ADHD brain would just handle my emotions for once.

My hubby and I had a fight, and I am hardcore dwelling on it, unlike before my meds where I would have just "forgive and forget".. So i'm wondering, is my ability to focus better causing me to be more emotionally obsessed? I don't even know if that makes sense... But yeah. It seems I can't get past this small conflict because i'm just so focused on the ouch it cause.

Not sure if this is allowed, will delete if not.

But I've had a hard time lately verbally explaining how my emotional dysregulation disrupts my daily life, so I made a 1 pager to kind of break down what it is and how people with ADHD are affected by it.

Edit: for clarification, I created the spread for this using inDesign. information was found online and placed into an easy to share format. I take no credit for the information/research.

Let me know what you think, it's free for people to share if you find it useful.

Double edit: thank you for the gold! I am honored that people find this so helpful 😊

Thank you!

1 pager

Hi. For context I'm 24, male, and medicated (dextroamphetamine).

When I was much younger, I struggled badly with intense negative feelings. I had a wicked temper, and often struggled with self deprecating thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. As an adult, I am proud to boast that I am able to regulate my behavior when I am feeling these things (usually).

As a young adult, I am now experiencing issues with self control. I have impulses for immediate rewards (video games, YouTube, Porn, Candy, ...).

The mental strategies I applied to deal with my negative feelings don't seem to work here.

How do those of you that have dealt with this, control your impulses towards immediate rewards, instead getting to the things that really matter to you?

Everyone knows about the impulsivity, hyperactivity, time blindness, and general sort of chaos that people think of when they hear about ADHD.

But the largest and maybe the most debilitating symptom for me is a complete inability to regulate my emotions. I don't feel anything halfway, everything stings more than it should and it's exhausting. If I'm happy I feel like I can do absolutely anything, and if I'm sad it physically hurts and I'm unable to let it go for a VERY for long time. It's not surprising at all that many people are misdiagnosed as bipolar instead of ADHD, yet no one really talks about this painful symptom; the ability to feel paralyzed by emotions while others can feel the same thing and get over it in no time. :(

Hi guys. I cant take ssris due to restless leg syndrome :(

What have people found works med wise for their emotion dysregulation? I’m talking to my doctor about the mood stabiliser lamotrigine (lamictal) right now. Pregabalin is also an option but I’m concerned about weight gain.

So far only benzos help but of course long term use is not advised.

Let me know what has worked for you and I’ll check it out :)

Thanks ☺️

Edit: To clarify, I am dubious about medication too and believe many meds are hugely misunderstood and overprescribed - I wouldn’t be seeking medication if it wasn’t desperately needed at this moment. I would prefer to re-regulate without meds and have tried the no-med path for many years, however things are so bad that I am going to try meds. I am totally open to supplements too.

Mine is not being able to find something because my family didn’t put it back where it goes. The wrath of 3 suns engulf me specially when I’m hyperfixated and hyperfocused on doing something that requires that item for me to continue.

My boyfriend’s is servers letting his drink go empty. He always asks for another one while his is still halfway full for this reason. He absolutely hates not having a drink (usually beer) with his food. He can go from the most charismatic enfp to a karen in .3 seconds if this happens.

What’s yours?

So I am 32, recently diagnosed, and have been medicated for the past 8 weeks.

Due to the extreme mood swings (i wouldn’t even really call them swings, just a pretty constant state of irritated with a peppering of normal) I have been having, my life is literally falling apart. My marriage is about to end, my relationship with my friends and family are severely strained, I’m driving a wedge between me and my daughter and I feel so out of control. I am in a pretty constant sate of being irritable, hostile, and angry, coupled with crying and extreme sadness and I really don’t know how to move forward. I know I’ve felt happy before but I can’t seem to remember how to be or what the formula is to get back there.

I don’t know if it’s me, the medication, hormones or the fact that I may just be a horrible human. I feel like I am just sabotaging myself with no ability to stop.

I’m trying all of my usual coping mechanisms to de-escalate these feelings and nothing seems to work. Like it’s just the place my brain seems to go now. Nothing is easy, everything messes with my routine, I feel unheard, unsupported and just like a hopeless burden to everyone around me. F*ck. I barely want to be around myself.

I don’t know how to bounce back. I feel so justified in my feelings and emotions and how they got there but the intensity and the way I am reacting is not to scale. I just want to feel better and be happy. I hate that I am pushing everyone I love away from me but I feel like I constantly compromise for them and that they make no allowances or provide me with no support to help me in a way that is constructive.

Like my husband has done nothing to try and understand what having ADHD means or how it affects my behaviours or cognitive ability. He just thinks that there is nothing wrong with me and I just want there to be something wrong. Even though when he lists my laundry list of faults and shortcomings he is literally rattling off real life examples of the diagnostic criteria of ADHD.

I don’t really know what my question to you all is. I guess I just want to see if I am alone in all of this? Or if anyone else can relate and offer some advice or coping mechanisms that I maybe haven’t thought of. I just want to be better and feel better and stop hurting the people I love the most.

So I had a bit of a moment of clarity this morning and wondered if anyone related or had tips.

I care about a lot of social issues. Climate change, refugees, gender equality, educational equality, local and national politics, on and on. But it's a lot. There's so much information, social media is overwhelming and when I can't read a news story without weeping with empathy or shouting with rage, there's a limit to what I can engage with. And because ADHD, I don't know how to prioritise or focus what I care about. But I want to be informed and aware and making a difference. Which means I have to find a way to stop the emotions blocking me.

So how do you all manage your emotions to stay active in the causes you care about?

The title is almost childish, but things I've been through recently have made me wonder if I just... Tick differently? This is an attempt to figure out if it's maybe an ADHD thing.

Anyway. The past 2 years I've largely become included/adopted into a fairly tight-knit group of friends. They all know each other from high school (now ~24 years old). Recently, I started hanging out very much and intesely with this one girl I kinda had a low-key crush on since first time I spoke to her, and this crush turned into an intense infatuation. I told her how I felt last week, and to make a long story short, it won't work out and my heart is broken.

Thing is, all my friends are giving me advice which pretty much amounts to "okay just try and 'fake it til you make it' - keep hanging out with that group, keep being like you're usually am with her and the feelings will dissipate with time🙂". One friend even said that since my infatuation came so quickly (it didn't, it's been growing for 2 years only very fast recently but nvm), my feelings for her will subside just as fast.

And... I just can't understand it. I've been in these situations before. Every. Single. Time. My infatuation lasts for YEARS on end. I cannot stop thinking about the person, I cannot stop suspecting absurd scenarios that turns me jealous. I sure as FUCKING HELL can't "act normal" around the person, and I honestly mostly end up having to cut ties with the person and everyone she's associated with (extreme I know, and extremely destructive) in order to move on.

The fact that others seem to be able to excerpt some kind of self-control and self-discipline that even manages to reduce these enormous feelings is just baffling to me. Is this an ADHD thing or just a "me" thing?

I've gotten my diagnosis a few months ago, and am slowly starting to learn what this means to me. One thing I've been noticing is that it's really hard for me to regulate my emotions. This most often happens when my partner(s) aren't there, and I slide into thoughts like "see, they don't love me". Or when I'm not included in a conversation, which makes me think "see, I don't belong anywhere".

These are very strong emotions, and lead to some very difficult times. I'm trying to tackle this with a therapist with ACT, but that takes a lot of time and effort. I was wondering if someone here has tips and/or tricks that have helped them deal with stuff like this.

I've already seen the suggestion to make some post-it notes (or other reminders) that remind me of when I did feel loved, or did make me feel included. Though I still need to make them 😅 Are there other things I could try/do?

Hi all, My kid (11 yr old) was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and I've been educating myself about it quite a bit since then (also, pending evaluation for myself as well, since stuff is way too familiar). One thing my spouse and I struggle with is how to handle moments of emotional dysregulation with them. I've seen recommendations for things like calming jars, etc. But, my issue with that is that it doesn't really address the moment of the reaction -- it can help after someone else interrupts the reaction, but doesn't help them to recognize it on their own.

I realize that the executive function is delayed, and that I need to lower expectations somewhat for self-regulation. But, what I'm hoping to find is some skills that we can use to help teach them to recognize when they are having an outsized emotional reaction and act more appropriately (e.g., by removing themselves from the situation rather than slamming and unintentionally breaking things).

Also, yes, they are on medication, so we have that portion in place. Just, as I said, looking for appropriate behavioral interventions that would actually work for an ADHD kid.

Thanks!

I was given Lexapro 10mg in 2019 because I was struggling with depression. I was just diagnosed with ADHD-I last week and not medicated yet.

I want to see if anyone else had their RSD and emotional dysregulation improve drastically with antidepressants. Before meds, those two issues were very serious and almost debilitating. I see a lot of people mentioning RSD and I feel kind of strange that I cannot relate to them much nowadays.

Thoughts?

Hi. I'm having a rough time right now, I've been in a romantic relationship with a wonderful wonderful person for 6 months now, and sometimes I worry about them really just "tolerating" me. I've been in an awful relationship last year where my ex was constantly ignoring me, and my brain is terrified of that happening again. I'm so scared if feeling alone with someone. It's something that happens to me a lot, and it takes like a year for me to feel comfortable around someone. My current partner has a lot of stuff going on and a family to take care of, so I often worry about why they're not around, even though I know the reasons. They tell me that they love me ALL the time, they send me letters and are wonderful, but I just can't seem to believe it, I'm so traumatized. And by voicing it too often I'm scared they'll feel like I don't trust them, when it's all me. I'm scared I'll push them away before we can get to that feeling of safety which takes me some time.

I should add that this happens to me with every person I date because in the past I've been in a relationship with abusers and aggressive manipulative people. But this person is so so special, and I don't want to lose them. I believe ADHD is making it worse than it would be otherwise.

TW: description of panic attacks

Hey everyone.

I've only recently been diagnosed in October, but have suspected having ADHD for a long time. One of the main reasons that pushed me to get a diagnosis was my alignment with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and intense emotional dysregulation. I have noticed that a lot of the time, when I have a panic attack, it is linked to those two.

For context: I don't have a long-term partner, but I have a close friend of the opposite sex that I lean on for support and have become emotionally attached to for the past 6 or so years.

There have been a fair few times now I've suffered from panic attacks as a result of my RSD. It seems as though it happens whenever my brain perceives this friend as "rejecting me", leading to intense and unbearable emotional dysregulation. One time earlier this year, he told me he couldn't join me on my trip away that weekend, and I spent that night spiralling on my couch with erratic breathing and excessive crying.

Just today, after he had spent the night with me, he told me he was going home that afternoon. He had told me last week he was going to stay with me a few nights in a row, but had changed his mind due to being concerned he wasn't going to get enough sleep (as he has problems sleeping in beds that are not his own). This change of mind completely blindsided me, and I started to breakdown in front of him: crying, shaking, tightness of chest and unable to speak. I couldn't tell him what's wrong because I felt an intense amount of shame that I was acting this way in front of him. I would open my mouth to reply and no words would come out. I ended up typing up what was happening, why I was feeling this way, and what would help.

These reactions to these types of instances often seem unreasonable and "silly", and my brain has a really hard time being gentle and understanding with myself. It doesn't help that this friend of mine doesn't know how to console me when I am like this, so we sat in silence while I spiralled. I don't feel upset towards him about that, because it was unexpected and he didn't know what to do.

So, I guess my questions are:

• Does anyone else have similar reactions to similar situations?
• Did anyone seek further treatment about these panic attacks?
• What do you need from your partner's/friends when going through something like this?
• What distractions or activities help you pull yourself out of a situation like this?

Thank you 💛

Does anyone feel like the emotional dysregulation is the worst part? Like it sometimes is ruining your life. The inability to control or deal with emotions. Having adult temper tantrums. No matter what I do I can’t control it and just feel powerless. Are there any tips or anything that helps with this? I’m exhausted of myself :/ Newly diagnosed

Hey, my wonderful neurodiverse lady folk.

I thought I’d share some tips on how to handle Amygdala Hijack, I. E. “Fight-or-flight mode.”

Note: I’m not a doctor or psychologist. I studied Communication Sciences and Disorders in college, and brains were my favorite part, but I’m not an expert. I’m just a chick with ADHD who hyper -fixates on learning about it, so I know a bunch.

Second note: your feelings are REAL. Just because others don’t experience them like you do, doesn’t mean they are fake or irrational.

Right. Let’s get on with it.

*What is amygdala hijack?:

The amygdala is the part of the brain that controls emotions, some decision making, and emotional memory. When it senses a threat, it releases cortisol and adrenaline (stress hormones) and gets us to react quickly to fight or escape. That’s GREAT for dealing with wild animals that want to eat us.

The frontal lobes (you know, the ones that are not as functional in us) are responsible for reasoning, decision-making, and planning. They’re great for analyzing things a little more slowly and making well-planned choices.

These both play a role in how we handle danger.

So, in short-form: a threat occurs, our amygdala reacts, our frontal lobes decide if it’s worth that reaction (and tries to override if it can), then we get our best response, right? Right.

Amygdala Hijack occurs when the frontal lobes lose the battle against the amygdala. Your eyes dilate to scan your surroundings, your heart rate increases, your skin flushes, and your logic somewhat shuts off. From personal experience, I also note that my memory gets worse.

The problem with this is that we are NOT living in the wild with creatures that want to kill us (unless you’re in Australia, amirite?). Most of our threats aren’t as threatening as we think. So our reactions to them are often overblown.

*So what can you do?

The best results come from mindfulness and reflection. After an event has occurred, write about it. See what triggered it and analyze how it made you feel. Think about what that reaction was trying to do to protect you. Was it trying to help you escape the danger? Was it protecting you? Was it preparing you? Sometimes, just looking at it from this less-involved headspace can help you get out of it.

*But I need help NOW.

Ok. There are a couple of body hacks to help get you out.

1.) Deeeeeeep breaths. When you are in fight-or-flight, your breaths get shallow. Intentionally breathing deep into your belly mul

I've found that my goals and desires in life tend to vary with how I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel like I just want to drive staight into the heart of a hurricane and experience the rush from all the chaos and stimulation, so I'll think to myself, maybe I need to migrate towards a dangerous and adventurous life style, something like storm chasing, mountaineering, exploring remote places, etc. Then other times my mood changes and my brain wants nothing more than peace and quiet and to be left alone. Maybe I want to work alone monday-friday on some simple project, and just be away from noises and people. Then other times all I want is to be surrounded by a community of people. It's like, my mind is always torn between starkly different life styles, and because of that I've stagnated in my pursuit of a life that makes me happy and content. It's as if every time I set up goal posts for myself they keep changing position. It's easy to feel like I don't belong anywhere, because nothing I choose ever feels "right" for me, and it often feels like I'll never find my place in this world.

I've checked the DSM for Bipolar and have discussed it with a psychiatrist before. I'm almost certain it's not that, so I think it's just a part of adhd, which I most certainly do have.

I struggle with being able to follow through with tasks or getting up to do something, as well as being able to recognize when my emotions might be getting a little "over the top". I know next to nothing on service dogs since this is a fresh idea, so I'd just like to hear some input from the community here.

I plan to get a poodle soon, and I'd like to train my dog to help with certain tasks, especially since they're such smart dogs. I hope these are things I can teach on my own. Some things I want to train my dog are:

Help with cleanup. I've seen dogs trained to pick up their own toys, and I think a "cleaning buddy" would help me a lot. Stuff like training a dog where certain items belong, plastic/wrapper sorta texture stuff goes in a trash, and cardboard texture stuff goes in a recycling. When picking up at night, perhaps a dog could help and encourage me.

Nudging me when a task needs to be done/pestering me until it's done, or reminding me of certain tasks (I've seen dogs can "tell time" to help with those who struggle with schedules but I don't know about that). Like when I'm finished eating and if I don't get up and wash my dishes my dog wouldn't leave me alone until the task has been done. Or reminding me to brush my teeth at night/nudging me to the bathroom at a certain time of night. Reminding me of regular appointments like therapy, maybe with a bark or something.

And lastly for keeping my emotions in check, like when I start to get overly frustrated or stressed out the dog can do something (lean on me, bark, something like that) to remind me I'm getting worked up and gives me a queue so I actually notice when it happens.

I don't know if these are things service dogs help with, and I really don't know if they're things I could train my dog to do on my own. I hope I can get a job that pays good enough for training, but I don't actually know how much these tasks would cost with a professional trainer.

I honestly think having a dog who could help me with these things would be a tremendous help but I'm not sure what's truly achievable.

Today has been rough. I woke up at 7, after only 5 hours of sleep, to give myself time to make my food and drive to my mom's house, which is ~2.5 hours away. I'm making my own food because I am the only vegan in the family, so I know they wouldn't cook me anything. Dinner was going to be early (12:00) because she works tonight. That gave me 2-ish hours to cook my food, it's tight but doable. (Doable for somebody without ADHD)

I had to go to the grocery store twice because forgot to buy ingredients. I had to clean dishes at I went to be able to cook other things. Long story short, I am still not done cooking.

I broke down in the kitchen and cried because I was so overwhelmed. I called my mom saying that I don't even want to go anymore, and she said I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. It took me a bit to remember that emotional dysregulation was common with people with adhd.

I still have no idea why it took 22 years for me to get diagnosed.