One time Chewbacca forgot to release the emergency brake before flying the millennium falcon
Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?
They looked at the reviews... only 1 star
What is the first step in making a solar system?
How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?
Patients who recover on Saturdays and Sundays have a weekend immune system.
If they made a movie about our solar system ...
... the sun would be the star of the show.
My doctor says I should start eating hot peppers to boost my immune system.
He said they're full of Vitamin Spi-C!
My pizza came back to haunt me from beyond the digestive system.
It was in a really crappy mood.
I saw a 1000 year old oil stain
It was from ancient Greece
Imagine Americans switched from Pound to Kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion
I've been using my new U2 navigation system this week and it's the worst...
The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!
How does the solar system keep it's pants from falling down?
I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!
Turns out they’ve got loads of them!
Which digital payment system does the pope use?
Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool...
This is not a drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!
What is The metric system’s favorite bug?
A centipede. I’m a dad, can confirm
Don't trust your digestive system...
If I had to rate our solar system...
Why do women with nieces and nephews have great immune systems?
Because of their Auntie-bodies
What’s the 9 letters of the pirate alphabet? (CORNY ALERT)
Police raised an alert in error, thinking they’d discovered a recently severed appendage.
In the UK we now have new Covid alert levels
I knew it would end in tiers
Two French IT guys have come up with a new system to share files electronically.
It’s a Pierre to Pierre network.
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
What number do rabbits call when they have an emergency?
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
We should have a global storage system for crops...
Some people just want to watch the World Barn.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
I have a rare condition that means I never get days off from work.
It’s due to my weekend immune system
Allow me to introduce myself
What's a celibate person's favourite operating system?
What would happen if you give McDonalds an operating system
I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
What happens if you give a site foreman an operating system
I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.
Tech Support: “It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”
Me: “So?”
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They looked at the reviews, but we only had one star
What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?
There would be mass confusion
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
