"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
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︎ Oct 19 2020
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
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︎ Dec 30 2020
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I fell asleep during Catholic mass.
I'm a Bored Again Christian.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
What happens if a cat wins a dog competition during a tornado?
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︎ Dec 27 2020
My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
My coworker brought some vegetables to snack on during work, and he didnβt offer me any
Itβs like he didnβt even carrot all
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︎ Dec 11 2020
During breakfast, my dad said, βLet me sum up 2020 in one word.β
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︎ Dec 24 2020
The best safe word to use during sex is βmeatloafβ
Because it means, βI would do anything for love, but I wonβt do thatβ
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︎ Oct 04 2020
During the delivery of my first child, my wife kept yelling out βcanβtβ, βwonβtβ, βshouldnβtβ, βcouldnβtβ.
The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions
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︎ Nov 27 2020
What do you call an agnostic person during the Christmas season?
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︎ Dec 30 2020
What does a hacker say during sex?
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Which jokes are safest during the recent pandemic?
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Why didn't the pro golfer wear his golf shoes during the round? (Compliments of my stylist)
Because he's got a hole in one.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
A bald man with a hairpiece needed the restroom during a movie.
He whispered to his date, βI have toupeΓ©.β
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
My friend David lost his ID during a trip.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Just happened: my contractor broke a window during our nearly complete renovation
He turned to me and said it's no problem. At this stage it's just a pane.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.
He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Why did Will have a bad time during the war?
Because they were firing at will
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I made a joke during chemistry
I didnβt get a reaction
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︎ Dec 05 2020
I heard that it was very foggy during the last battle of WWII
The Germans could nazi each other
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︎ Oct 24 2020
My HOA agreement has a statement mandating we have an inflatable Santa displayed in our yard during December
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︎ Dec 04 2020
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
A German soldier during World War II was embellishing the number of troops he had with him
When the Allies thought it was just him, he claimed there were not 1 but 2. Then he changed his story to 3. Then he said 5, then 8, then 13, and finally 21. When the Allies made it to his position, they discovered that it actually was just him.
Turns out he was a fibber nazi.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
What do athletes wear during winter?
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 19 2020
What do you call a wolf that meditates during a full moon?
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︎ Oct 24 2020
I'm surprised the tower of Pisa hasn't fallen over during the pandemic...
Without all those tourists helping hold it up.
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︎ Nov 14 2020
During an autopsy, why are the heart, kidneys, liver and lungs arranged alphabetically?
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︎ Sep 12 2020
What did the lesbian pirate say during sex?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
What do the Chinese do during an erection?
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Did you hear about the sea captain that went in for a hat fitting at the local haberdashery during rough seas?
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Why did the caveman musician like to play during landslides?
Cause it was a real rock concert
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︎ Oct 18 2020
I never knew that Peter Sellers was a tank driver for Germany during WW2.
Apparently, it was a pink panzer.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
I asked my local locksmith why he's still open during these crazy times. Turns out he's a key worker.
So is the piano shop owner next door.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
During an organ donation how do doctors decide which kidney to pick?
They pick the right one.
That way there's still one left
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︎ Oct 15 2020
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I saw a big animal during the safari. I think it was an elephant
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︎ Nov 03 2020
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
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︎ Nov 03 2020
For some reason I always get sick during holidays.
I must have a weekend immune system...
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︎ Sep 28 2020
What would you call the King of the trees during the dinosaur era?
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 31 2020
If you are feeling lonely during the Covid lockdown, why not buy some shares?
Itβs always nice to have a bit of company.
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︎ Aug 29 2020
What's the worst safe word you can use during sex?
"Race car"
It can be read either way.
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︎ Oct 05 2020
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