Driving Rain Puns

She kept telling me that I need vipers.

and my sister complains that the windshield wipers aren't going fast enough for the weather. My dad replies: "They're already going 55mph, how much faster do you want them to go?"

it was raining pretty steadily and he was driving really slow. he apologized and said, "sorry. i'm just worried about deer. i don't have time for these rain deer games."

We were wetving now.

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Cruise control.

I mean... Did I really have to write the answer?

She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'

An older American couple visits Russia for the first time. They are a little concerned about the language barrier as neither speak Russian. Luckily they find a very friendly cab driver named Rudolph at the airport who speaks fluent English. He gives them his mobile number and says he'll be happy to drive them anywhere they need to go during their stay.

The next morning the wife calls Rudolph and asks if he can take them around to several of the sites. He agrees and warns her to bring an umbrella as it's going to rain today.

She tells her husband who promptly looks out the window and sees clear blue skies. He says the cab driver is just pulling her leg and refuses to bring an umbrella.

The cab picks them up in front of the hotel and they have a very nice morning seeing the sites. Just after lunch the sky starts to fill with dark clouds. The cabbie reminds them to take there umbrellas at the next stop as rain storms in Russia can be severe.

The wife turns to her husband and says .....

See, I told you! Rudolph the red knows rain dear.

... I'll see myself out now ...

Alright so quick synopsis of what I do for a living is treating industrial waste water for oil fields. Part of our process is removing solids from the water and using a hydraulic press to squeeze the water out of it and dispose of the dry cakes. Once a day, a waste company rolls in large trucks to remove the big bins where we store the cakes, and put in fresh ones.

Today I was talking with the driver of the truck as he replaced my last bin. I wished him well on the road since we live in California and lordy knows nobody understands how to drive in the rain. As I was turning away from him I said

"If you'll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to."

And immediately started up the steps to our press building, laughing the entire time.

The second woman looks to the first woman and asks what they should do?

"God will save us" she says.

The two women sit there for a while and watch the water continue to rise. Eventually a rescue team in a rubber dinghy turn up.

"Jump on" says the rescuer. The second woman quickly jumps into the dinghy. The first woman looks annoyed and states bluntly that "God will save me". The rescuer shakes his head and drives off.

A few hours go by and the rain begins falling harder and harder. The entire house aside from the roof is submerged.

She hears the sound of a helicopter before she sees it. The helicopter hovers above and throws down a rope ladder.

"Climb up!" Shouts the rescuer.

The woman shakes her head refusing to move "No, god will save me".

The rescuer shakes his head and the helicopter flies off.

Time passes by and the water is now up to the top of the roof. She hears an aeroplane swoop in low overhead, dropping life jackets along the street for anyone left behind.

"No" she shakes her head "God will save me!"

The inevitable happens and after she drowns the storms into heaven upset. "God! Why didn't you save me?"

He looks to her and rolls his eyes. "Well I sent a boat, a helicopter and a life jacket what else do you want me to do?"

So I was leaving the local music store on an overcast day, and I passed by an older gentleman outside on the walk to my car. It had started sprinkling pretty hard at this point.

Old man: "Looks like rain" Me: "Feels like it, too!"

Blank stare as I get in my car and drive away

My brother and I were driving through a horrific downpour to go to the local archery range. When we get there we discover that the range is closed. My brother states "well I guess we will have to take a rain check" I then look up at the sky and say "yup it's raining alright."