What you get when you play the song "walk with me in hell" at double speed?

"Sprint with me in hell"

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shaicnaan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2019
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Too bad OJ didn’t play for Denver. Could have been a double whammy here.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gcarsk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2019
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Why can't you play football in a road where there's a double yellow line?

Because it's a no passing zone!

.... I'll show myself out.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Returningdarkness
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2017
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Stolen Antidepressants
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dufosho
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04 2018
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One of my all time favorites
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Andearen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 27 2018
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I'm unobservant, and I keep bumping into things, so I made a note of it.

Bβ™―

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Feet2Big
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2016
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I just got a new job at a prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jonts26
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2015
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Why are Irish people so rich?

Because their capital is Dublin

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/XX2AJ3XX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2018
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You did what to a toy monkey?

So my daughter owns a toy monkey called Mimi.. It's her fave monkey of all time it goes everywhere.

Anyway Mimi was covered in flour from a days worth of mucking around with homemade play-dough.

As I'm putting her to bed I'm attempting to knock all the flour off Mimi before giving the monkey to her.

She got grumpy that I had Mimi and I said to her without thinking "Just wait a second Daddy needs to finish de-flouring Mimi... "

I'm just glad she doesn't understand that particular double-entendre

πŸ‘οΈŽ 73
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/insanemal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2015
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Roger Federer and Ron Paul are playing tennis

Roger Federer and Ron Paul are playing tennis. The set is close and Federer has serve. His first delivery sailed wide, but his second serve clipped the net and just barely landed on the line. The umpire called a let.

Ron Paul started arguing with the chair ump, he was positive that the serve was out, resulting in a double fault.

Needless to say, Ron Paul is vehemently against the Federer Re-serve.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kevo31415
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2013
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On the golf course

I was playing golf with my dad and his friend, we had all hit our tee shots in the rough on the right side of the fairway.

>Me: This sucks, we're all in a bad position.

>Dad: Why? Being right is great!

>Me: ??

>Dad: It's better than being wrong!

Thanks dad, I still got a double bogey....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LED4lyfe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2014
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Christmas robber

So Christmas morning. We're all opening presents, and my dad and uncle do a bit of a double team. My dad started talking about this thief who went about and stole a bunch of turkeys from a local supermarket.

My uncle then replied "ah I heard about that. The police suspected there was a bite of fowl play"

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheHellaFella
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2013
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