Wut teh fucc did u jus fuckin' say about me, u litle bitch? i’ll haz u no i grrraduatd top of mai clasz in teh navy seals, an i’ve bin involvd in numerouz secret raidz on al-quaeda, an i haz ovr 300 confirmd killz.
am traind in gorilla warfare an i’m teh top snipr in teh entire uz armd forcez. U r nothin' 2 me but jus anothr target. I will wipe u teh fucc out with precision teh likez of which haz nevr bin seen before on thiz earth, mark mai fuckin' wordz.
u think u can get away with sayin' that shit 2 me ovr teh internet? think again, fuckr. Az we speak am contactin' mai secret network of spiez acrosz teh usa an u ip iz bein' tracd rrite nao so u betr prepare 4 teh storm, maggot. Teh storm that wipez out teh pathetic litle thin' u call u life. You’re fuckin' dead, kid. I can b anywhere, anytime, an i can kill u in ovr 7 hundrd ways, an that’z jus with mai bare pawz.
not only am i extensively traind in unarmd combat, but i haz accesz 2 teh entire arsenal of teh unitd statez marine corpz an i will use it 2 iz full extent 2 wipe u miserabl asz off teh faice of teh continent, u litle shit. If only u could haz known wut unholy retribution u litle “clever” comment wuz about 2 brin' down upon u, mebbe u wud haz held u fuckin' tongue.
but u couldn’t, u didn’t, an nao you’re payin' teh price, u goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all ovr u an u will drown in it.
you’re fuckin' dead, kiddo
I love watching animal videos, but I feel adding DoggoLingo captions in a desparate attempt to make it more cute is just extremely annoying and takes the fun out of watching animal videos. We all love animals for what they are and one of the things that make them cute and adorable is their innocence. Humans should not force their interpretation on the audience.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/DoggoLingo
Update: for all of you guys who are not familiar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah6fmNEtXFI
I want to start a doggo-speak/doggolingo lexicon! Will you all help me? If I miss something or misdefine, comment with the word and meaning so I can add it! P.S. I haven't added specific doggo names (longboi, etc) because there's so many and as far as I can tell no definite lexicon, so there's no way for me to look them up besides those chart videos. PLEASE also comment the types of doggos so I can add them!!
ETA: Aw, so I've regained access to this account because while searching for my online presence and personal information I found out I'm listed as the creator of the oldest Doggo Speak Lexicon and that made me happy. I'll be picking this project back up but posting it in a searchable spreadsheet on google drive. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1QGqG4y8LjGWCmKqFicwhDh8UiankVQ0gzN9nVwF1MYc/edit#gid=0
WORDS
Bamboozle - "to fool or cheat someone" from Merriam-Webster
Bepis - Pepsi
Birb - bird
Blep - tongue hanging out slightly of mouth
Bork - bark
Cade - cat, also cate and catto
Cate - cat, also cade and catto
Catto - cat, also cade and cate
Conk - Coca-Cola/Coke, also conke
Conke - Coca-Cola/Coke, also conk
Danger Noodle - snake, also snek
Doge - can be general word for a dog, but most commonly used for the Shiba Inu breed
Doggo - general word for a dog
Dr. Blepper - Dr. Pepper, also Dr. Booper and Dr. Pupper
Dr. Booper - Dr. Pepper, also Dr. Blepper and Dr. Pupper
Dr. Pupper - Dr. Pepper, also Dr. Blepper and Dr. Booper
Feck - fuck
Feckers - fuckers
Fren - friend
Mlem - a lick
Mlemonade - lemonade
Mofeckers - motherfuckers
Pibble - Pitbull breed of dog
Pupper - puppy
Shibe - Shiba Inu breed of dog
Smol - small
Snek - snake, also danger noodle
Sploot - "a sploot is a type of stretch that animals do . . . This special stretch is defined as a pet laying on their belly while stretching their legs out behind them" from cuteness . com
Sproot - Sprite
PHRASES
"Doin me a betray" - you're betraying me!
"Doin me a concern" - you're making me concerned
"Doin me a frighten" - you're worrying/scaring me
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
They’re on standbi
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
