Multiple thefts of porch steps from different addresses in downtown Detroit.

Top Detectives have been assigned to the stair case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Team_Pineapple
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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My friend who lives in Detroit had his toilet stolen.

Can’t have shit in Detroit

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AviationApple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Did you hear about the problems the ducks in Detroit are having?

There's a huge quack epidemic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeple2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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( X-post) Someone once asked me to make a joke about Detroit's hockey team.

I said I wasn't prepared and I would have to wing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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6am at Detroit metro airport, my first real dad joke hatched.

FiancΓ©: where do you want to eat?

Me: well there's the mcdonalds and the currency exchange over there

...

We can get a euro.

She just walked away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dovachu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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What comes before Detroit?

Cetroit.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
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In a Greek coney island in Detroit

My friends and I were eating in a restaurant where all the waiters are Greek and have heavy accents. Our waiter walked by, said something inaudible, and walked away:

Friend: What did he say?

Me: Dunno, it's all Greek to me!

many groans ensue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Victors27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
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It's a shame Detroit Tigers great Al Kaline didn't play pitcher or catcher

I think he would've worked out great in a battery!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vernonpost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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Biden will NEVER, EVER be my president

because I live in Canada.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Only-Lurk-SRD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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In Illinois, it's illegal to have legal possesion over fecal matter of any sort.

Can't have shit in Detroit.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meini_Studios
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 43k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebkbk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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Mom and her son

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers, "Yes."

After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"

She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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The Red House is 4th from the left, and the Blue House is 8th from the right. Where's the White House?

Washington, D.C.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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Neil DeGrasse Tyson's dad joke

If the Chicago Bears moved to Detroit, then Detroit would have the Lions, the Tigers, and the Bears. Oh MI!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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I'm just a bystander of a dad joke. I survived, though I'm not sure about the rest of the family as I couldn't bring myself to look.

I visited Detroit yesterday and walked to the riverwalk (which Canada is right across the water). As my wife and I are taking in the view I hear behind us:

random dad: "Oh... Canada"

family: ...

rd; "you know, they should make a song like that."

family: ...

rd: "actually with those exact words; Oh Canada....."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trouzy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
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An Airport Twofer

I was hanging out with my dad and grandpa this weekend. My grandpa was talking about how big the airport in LA was compared to Detroit.

My dad chimes in "yeah it's a big airport but I heard the security is pretty LAX" groans ensue

He adds "I heard when you retire from working there they give you a bottle of ex-lax"

That'll do dad. That'll do.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sindustrial777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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A classic joke my dad tells

My dad is a truck driver. This story gets everyone he's ever told it to: Dad: "So I'm driving through Detroit at about 3-4am to start my route. As you know, most of the inner city roads are crap, and are polluted with potholes. Suddenly I see an ambulance in my mirror going full speed with its lights on. I immediately pull off to the side of the road to let it pass. This is where it gets crazy... The ambulance drives through the intersection bouncing through potholes and as it does, the back door flies open and a cooler pops out, but the ambulance keeps going like nothing happened. Well I was the only one around at that time of the night so I immediately stopped to grab the cooler. I bring it into my cab and it has a hazmat sticker on it but the seal is broken. So I decided to open it up and see what was inside. It was a human toe!" Me: "Holy shit! What did you do!?" Dad: "I called the toe truck"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rylon2008
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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What game are you playing?

Me and my dad were riding in the car and I was playing Where's My Water on my phone.

Dad:What are you playing?

Me:Where's My Water.

Dad: So, what, you're in Detroit?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2014
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Got dad joked by my dad

I was explaining to my dad how I won a match in a pool tournament the night before...

I had to play against the best player in the house but he had hurt his back earlier that day so he couldn't even walk straight. He won the opening lag to earn the right to break. I jokingly asked him "are you sure you want to break with that back injury?" He broke anyways and didn't make anything. My teammate and I proceeded to run the whole table, including the eight ball, to win the game as underdogs. Afterward my teammate said to the pro, "Hey, didn't /u/DetroitLarry warn you not to break?" At which point my dad interrupts my story to say...

"Now that's just adding insult to injury!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DetroitLarry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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My old man dropped this on me yesterday

While discussing my moms trip she is currently on in Europe.

  • Me: I wonder if mom will get to see any Fjords while shes on her trip
  • Dad: Well, I don't think she's hitting Norway but she could always stop in Detroit on her way home, I hear that's where they make them
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyondwithinmetal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
🚨︎ report
(X-post) Someone once asked me to make a joke about Detroit's hockey team.

I said I wasn't prepared and I would have to wing it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report

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