If I could just bring one thing with me to a remote deserted Island..
..then I probably wouldn't bother going.
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︎ Aug 10 2020
A coconut tree in a deserted island
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︎ Aug 29 2020
The best thing about being on a deserted island with a pair of twins?
Starting fires are easy since each of them will always have a match!
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︎ Jan 27 2020
A red ship and a blue ship crash on a deserted island
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︎ Nov 12 2017
I told my wife I'd never deserted her.
I brought her a cake today.
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︎ Jul 08 2019
If Donald trump and Hilary Clinton weβre stuck on a deserted island, who would survive?
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︎ Jun 03 2019
So I was given the ability to fly the other day, decided to give it a whirl over the pacific. Little did I know how tired I was getting but just in the knick of time I saw a remote location that looked deserted off the coast, so what do I do?
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︎ Jan 19 2017
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender...
"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.
The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hangin'."
"The hangin'? Who are they hangin'? Anybody I'd know?"
"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.
"Never Heard of him. Why do they call him Brown Paper Pete?" the cowboy asks.
"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, a brown paper vest, and brown paper shoes."
"Well I don't reckon I know anyone like that," says the cowboy. "What're they hangin' him for?"
"Rustlin'" says the bartender.
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︎ Mar 13 2019
What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island?
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︎ Feb 18 2019
A man crashed a boat full of Viagra on a deserted island.
He was extremely hard on himself.
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︎ Jan 12 2018
Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are stranded on a deserted island
Sherlock says: We need to get off of this island!
Watson says: No ship, Sherlock!
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︎ Jun 15 2018
How would you describe a TV clicker on a distant deserted island?
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︎ Feb 22 2018
How many years did Robinson Crusoe spend on a deserted island?
Zero. Once he arrived, the island was no longer deserted.
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︎ Nov 04 2016
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Two balloons flying through a desert.
One balloon to the other : watch out, thereβs a cactussssss
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︎ Jan 01 2021
My friend said that its impossible for a river to move through the desert.
I told him he was in deNile.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Edit: My first ever attempt at a dad joke, and i never thought i would get anywhere this much upvotes. Thank y'all so much!
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︎ Jul 17 2020
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What is a jeweler's favorite desert?
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︎ Nov 04 2020
For my diorama, I tried to make a few desert elevations...
I really made a mesa things though.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What is a desert nomad's favorite cheese?
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Did you hear about the couple getting ready for a day in the desert?
They were dunesday preppers.
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︎ Oct 10 2020
How do you hide a horse in the desert?
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︎ Sep 07 2020
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the desert menu.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Certainly," he replied.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"
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︎ Jul 17 2020
How do soldiers stay hidden in the desert?
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells βitβs a bacon treeβ then runs to it and is shot up with bullets
It wasnβt a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush
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︎ Sep 22 2020
What kind of drugs do people in the desert do?
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︎ Sep 08 2020
How do you get rid of a Witch in the desert?
I usually toast my sand Witches.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
What do Christmas and a cat in the desert have in common?
They both have Sandy Claws.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Two vegans were travelling through a desert...
A few weeks into their journey, they ran out of food. Unable to find plants to eat, and after an entire day of discussion, they decided that if they found meat before plants, the would eat it.
A day later, in the distance, they saw a small tree. As they got closer, they saw that there were strips of perfectly cooked bacon hanging from the bare limbs.
The first vegan grew excited. "Look! It's a bacon tree! Food!" And with that, he took off running toward it.
The other vegan hung back, looking at it suspiciously. "No, wait!" he called. "That's not a bacon tree!"
"Sure it is! It's a bacon tree!" the first vegan yelled over his shoulder. When he reached the tree, he jumped, trying to reach the bacon from the lower branches, but before he could, a pair of wild boar darted out from behind the tree and skewered him on their tusks.
The other vegan shook his head. "I tried to tell you it wasn't a bacon tree. It was just a hambush..."
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︎ Aug 12 2020
What do you call a joke about a desert
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︎ Jul 25 2020
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are stranded on desert island.
Whilst gathering food, they find a magical golden lamp. The Englishman says βrub the lamp!β They do, and a genie appears. βI only have three wishes to offer,β he says, βso Iβll give you one wish each.
The Englishman says, βIβd like to be living in a penthouse in London with Β£1,000,000 in my bank account.β His wish is granted.
The Scotsman says βIβd love to live in a renovated Scottish castle with Β£2,000,000 in my bank account.β His wish is granted.
The genie then turns to the Irishman: βAnd what do you wish for?β The Irishman says to the genie, βItβs getting a bit lonely here, can I have the other two back?β
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︎ Aug 20 2020
You won't ever starve In the desert
Because of all the sand-which is there.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Ghandi spent a lot of time walking through the desert, so his feet hurt and he was always thirsty and weak. It's also very hard to brush your teeth in the desert.
He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.
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︎ Jul 14 2020
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree thatβs draped in bacon. βA bacon tree ! Weβre saved!β He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
/r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/β¦
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now itβs $1.50. You know why?
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︎ Jul 22 2020
A starving tribe marched their way to the desert to get food
because of the sand which is there.
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︎ Jul 25 2020
An Irishman was asked what one thing would he take with him to a desert?
He replied, βMe car door. That way, if I get hot, I can just roll me window down.β
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︎ Jul 12 2020
The Sahara desert walks into a bar.
The barman says "long time no sea."
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︎ Jul 08 2020
Why did the Doctor desert to Kim Jong-Unβs regime?
He wanted a change of Korea
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︎ Jul 08 2020
What jokes are funniest in the desert?
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︎ Apr 28 2020
I was out in the desert on psychedelics , and I started tripping way too hard. So I took an acid reducer.
It didn't help me one bit!!!!
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︎ Jun 08 2020
My dad went out for cigarettes 8 years ago & finally came back.
He said he was in the desert with his camels.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Many years ago, all the female Warlocks perished in the desert.
The individual male Warlocks, try as they might, could not master the art of bringing back their counterparts and all seemed lost.
Then, two young Warlocks found that, by working together - one recreating the body while the other recreated the soul - they could bring them back to life from the very sand they died in.
It's crazy but they could finish each other's Sand Witches.
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︎ Oct 20 2019
Someone stole my hairpiece
When I find out who took it there's going to be hell toupee!
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︎ Sep 27 2020
What is sweet and walks in the desert?
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︎ Sep 22 2019
Why don't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
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︎ Jun 24 2020
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