I broke up with a woman who loved her job at the suitcase factory.

I didn't want her emotional baggage.

Did I steal this from someone? I'm getting old...

👍︎ 10
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I got one-upped by my 6 y.o. son

My son made himself a banana sandwich.

Son: "This is what monkeys eat."

I thought I'd mess with him a bit on this "fact", and throw some dad humour at him.

Me: "What?! Monkeys don't eat sandwiches! How do they even bake the bread?"

Son: "With a g'rilla."

I think this kid is going places. I was completely outdone.

👍︎ 4k
💬︎
👤︎ u/ign1fy
📅︎ Nov 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Always wants to talk

"During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me;

just the other night she called me from a hotel."

- Rodney Dangerfield

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/tfowler11
📅︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.