My wife asked if our kids were spoiled.

I said, “No, I think most kids smell that way.”

👍︎ 8k
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📅︎ Apr 01 2021
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I broke up with a woman who loved her job at the suitcase factory.

I didn't want her emotional baggage.

Did I steal this from someone? I'm getting old...

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Sep 14 2020
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I got one-upped by my 6 y.o. son

My son made himself a banana sandwich.

Son: "This is what monkeys eat."

I thought I'd mess with him a bit on this "fact", and throw some dad humour at him.

Me: "What?! Monkeys don't eat sandwiches! How do they even bake the bread?"

Son: "With a g'rilla."

I think this kid is going places. I was completely outdone.

👍︎ 4k
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👤︎ u/ign1fy
📅︎ Nov 08 2014
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Always wants to talk

"During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me;

just the other night she called me from a hotel."

- Rodney Dangerfield

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/tfowler11
📅︎ Aug 18 2019
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