What do you call a dinosaur who stalks its prey by cunning stealth?

Nobodysaurus

...I'll get my coat (again)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byte_marx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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I would like to announce that I am no longer a masterbater.

I am now a doctorbater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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The only thing more cunning than the silent wasp

Is the cagey bee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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What's The Difference Between A Dirty Bus Stop And A Lobster With Breast Implants?

One is a crusty bus station while the other is a busty crustacean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nazykitten
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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What do you call a cunning chair?

Deceit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howlingechidna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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Fishing! What could possibly go wrong?

My old man is quite a character. He once took my sister and I freshwater fishing and taught us how to bait a hook with nightcrawlers. We were perhaps 7 or 8, and somewhat sheltered, so of course what happened next went right over our heads.

Dad: hey, kids! Which of you is better at baiting a hook? Which of you is the β€’removes sunglassesβ€’ master baiter?

My sister and I, of course, immediately begin arguing about it. That wily old man had us going back and forth "I'm the master baiter!", "No, I am!", "No, me!". Dad, meanwhile, was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.

Tl;dr- my Dad is a fucking smart ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinsar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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I watched an amazing nature documentary tonight, it was about the American coyote.

In order to catch its prey it constructed a cunning trap of a grand piano suspended above a target, it then baited the trap with seed and lay in wait for a road runner to pass by.

Very interesting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Have you heard about the Broadway-bound sensation, "The Linguists?"

It's a real play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsterbash
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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In what academic subject are the Zerg most accomplished?

LINGuistics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emeri5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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What is the difference between a circus and a strip club?

The circus is filled with cunning stunts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pdanzar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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Funny quotes from Blackadder the Third

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Morning, Mr. B.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.

[Referring to a suicide pill they have both been given, after being captured by French revolutionaries]

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): I’m glad to say you won’t be needing that pill, Mr. B.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words β€œI have a cunning plan” marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): They certainly are.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Well, forgive me if I don’t do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): We do nothing …

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Yup, it’s another world-beater.

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): No, wait. We do nothing … until our heads have actually been cut off.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): And then we … spring into action?

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): [to Baldrick] Unless I think of something, tomorrow we go to meet our Maker: in my case God, in your case God knows.

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Sounds like a bag of grapefruits to me, Mr B.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): The phrase, Baldrick, is β€œa case of sour grapes” – and yes it bloody well is.

Mrs. Miggins: The Scarlet Pimpernel, Mr. Blackadder! He’s so exciting, don’t you think?

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Actually, I think he’s the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Competition.

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/funny-quotes-from-blackadder-the-third/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Dad just laid this bombshell on me at the park

So me and my dad were outside the local park's eating area, which had a big sign reading "No dogs allowed" on the wall next to it. A family walks straight in with their dog. My dad, expressionless, looks at the sign, then the dog, then looks back at me and simply says: "Uhh... I guess the dog can't read"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heffo1996
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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What's the difference between a circus and a whorehouse?

One has a cunning array of stunts.

(Thanks, grandad)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demipepper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2017
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Speaking French between a woman's legs.....

Makes you a CUNNING LINGUIST...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pecfex_On_Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
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What's the difference between a group of midget geniuses and a woman's track team?

Well, one is a group of cunning runts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevekraft
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2013
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A Sexy Joke

During a night of passionate love making from a couple of German newlyweds, a group of sperm travel, all with the hope to be the one to fertilize the egg. A pair of sperm find themselves in a heated argument:

"I vill be the one who gets there first, after all, I am from the left testicle, we are known for our speed!" gloated the one sperm.

"Nein! It vill be I! I hail from the right testicle - known for its efficiency!" yelled the other.

"Well we lefties are known for our cunning, I will definitely out maneuver you!"

"The right vill be VICTORIOUS!" "Nein! the left vill be TRIUMPHANT!!!" "LEFT!" "RIGHT!" "LEFT!!!!!" "RIIIIGGGHHHTT!!!"

Finally fed up from the constant bickering, a sperm from the front of the load yells

"OH VAS DEFERENS DOES IT MAKE?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EwThatsABoysName
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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I like my dad's jokes

Dad: What's the difference between a circus and the rockettes? one is a cunning display of stunts the other is a stunning display of .....

whats the difference between the Panama Canal and Hillary Clinton? one's a busy ditch the others a dizzy .....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greenautobus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boob implants?

One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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