Where does the mortitain buy his milk?

The coroner store

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NateTheSimpleOne
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2021
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Why were the group of coroners excited?

Because it was open Mike night!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boop66
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2021
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What's it called when the heir to the throne gets Covid?

Coronation Day

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/spmgd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
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I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office

It’s a pretty big undertaking

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Axnjxn_55
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
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A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...

"in vivo lost vagus"

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VeryOriginalName98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2020
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Why are City Morgues always square?

It's because of all of the coroners.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
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Why was Kristoff from Frozen so bad at sports?

Because he didn’t have any coronation.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KillarBeez
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2020
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I invented a new myth to delight my kids

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.

Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2020
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If the queen gets sick...

Will there be a coronation?

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/morphotomy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2020
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Let’s all hope no countries are unfortunate enough to lose their monarchs.

We don’t want an entire coronation.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ExplodedToast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2020
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The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.

>!They had coroner-virus.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2020
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There's a new epidemic among forensic doctors.

They call it 'coroner virus.'

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MeVsTheMountain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2020
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Why is the morgue the best place to work at a hospital?

They give you the coroner office.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JasonInNJ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2020
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There was this shop in my hometown located where two streets met, they sold things like embalming tools and other specialty tools for working on dead bodies. This store was also known as....

The Coroner Store

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JohnJukes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2020
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Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.

. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,

β€œNobody puts baby in a coroner”

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2019
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The medical examiner’s office was told to reduce their budget

So they had to cut coroners.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2019
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I saw Michael Stipe from R.E.M. die last night, but so far only two people know.

🎢 That's me and the coroner 🎢

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dpearse2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2019
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Did anyone see where the dead body went?

Yeah, it's over there - in the coroner

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2019
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What did the police say when they finally caught up to the corrupt medical examiner?

Stop! We have you coroner’ed!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nodzest
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2019
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How do you tell a coroner from a surgeon?

It's a dead giveaway.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tokyo-dawn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2019
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My mail order bride arrived today, deceased. The coroner's report noted she was missing an organ...

and the company refused to refund my purchase because it had already been de-livered.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VariousOtherLesbians
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2019
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Coroner Dad: He died at precisely 11-45 p.m.

Detective: Are you positive?

Coroner: It’s difficult with all the dead bodies around, but I’m hanging in there.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2018
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How are a coronation and child birth similar?

They are both crowning achievements.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lordofspork
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2018
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What would you call a mortician near an intersection?

A street coroner!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/L337Cthulhu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2018
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Did you hear about the guy who died last week?

Apparently a Dodge Caravan lost it's radio antenna on the highway and it killed a motorcycle rider.

The police coroner called it "Van Aerial disease"

Edit: I know I butchered the joke. Some 75 year old guy told it to me yesterday, but I forgot to write it down how he said it.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xAsilos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2017
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The bellman's brother

There was this guy with no arms who lived in the bell tower of some church in Europe. Since he had no arms, he rang the bells by slamming his head against them.

One day, he fell out of the tower and died. The police wanted to notify the next of kin. The coroner looked at the man and said "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."

A few weeks later, the man's twin brother came to take over the bellman job. On his first day, he too fell from the tower and died.

Again, the police wanted to notify the next of kin. The coroner looked at the man and said "I don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/alx924
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2016
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Bβ™­ found dead

Bβ™­ was found dead after the C Major party. The massive amount of drugs in its system led the coroner to list it as an accidental overdose.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VaderMcTater
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2016
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Why did the jealous coroner kill his girlfriend? (Dark, obviously)

So he cadaver all to himself.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2015
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It's a pity the new female Medical Examiner will never get pregnant

Because nobody puts baby in a coroner.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2015
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I can tell I'll be a good dad

I went out to eat with a friend and his family

Friend's mom: "That guy over there is the local coroner. I sometimes have conversations with him."

Me: "What's it like to talk to a coroner? I can image the conversations to be rather dead."

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jbone17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2014
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So my friend's dad is a coroner...

The other day we were watching a baseball game he got called in to work. He stood up and said "well, I've got to go. Some people are just dying to see me."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/touchethedouche
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2014
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I just found out Michael Stipe from R.E.M. died, and only two people know..

That's me and the coroner.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TehIrishSoap
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2017
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