It’ll be called “Snitches Get Stitches”.
Why does everything in video games have to be a political statement?
It’s the pre-cons they should be worried about.
A phoney
(That means I speak down to people)
Does that make him a small medium at large?
True story. Yesterday he and I were peeling mangoes to make popsicles and ice cream. The peeler caught the tip of my finger and cut my nail just to bleeding short. So I yelled ow! And everyone said what!?
I showed them my finger and as they cringed I said - well I guess whoever gets the fingernail wins a prize!
Grossed out and groaning at the dad joke everyone walked away.
So the fingernail did not come off no one will really get it…but… wait for it… my son (11) in true +1 dad style humor says I’m going to put a piece of rice in one! I said oh son that is so good let’s put a piece of rice in each of them!
I was floored and I can’t wait for people to hit the rice grain while licking their popsicles and remembering “the fingernail”!
Liars
.. a condescending con descending
If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then the opposite of PROgress is CONgress.
It's called prose and cons
Well it's complex and I don't think you'd understand if I tried explaining it.
It definitely had its pros and cons
They call this the con sequence of their actions.
What a load of bologna.
https://preview.redd.it/9auxavpt25d61.jpg?width=481&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=420abab00fc836d0bea8185270be4b870d10b133
And I thought to myself that's a little con descending
A condescending con descending
It’s my cake day, just wanted to share my favourite dad joke, which I probably saw here.
He was a little Strange.
Because it's better to have pros
Con SU-PERmiso
this plays off another, funnier post but i couldn't find it again
Dria stood triumphant, surrounded by the other convicts he had vanquished in the prison brawl. He roared and beat his chest. A guard entered and then abruptly stepped back. “What the?” He whispered, aghast at the carnage, before catching his breath. And then the warden stepped around the stunned guard. “Don’t mind him,” the warden said, motioning to Dria. “That’s just the Mighty Con Dria. He’s the powerhouse of the cell.”
he gets two worms, puts one in vodka, and one in water. The worm in vodka dies in 20 minutes, while the worm in water survives 3 whole days. the man asks his son, "what did you learn today?" and the son responds "never bathe in alcohol"
Pros: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady
Cons: Al Capone, Frank Abagnale, Ted Bundy
Without her they're ruthless.
The same thing that arkansas
I had a little mishap with a pruning saw in the yard and asked my wife to patch my finger up. She's a nurse, so I figured she'd dress my wound better than I could. She started off with cleaning up the cut with a betadine swab.
Wife: "This might sting a little bit."
Me: Yup. Yup that stings.
Wife: Sing a song. It'll take your mind off of it.
Me: "Roooooxanne, you don't have to put on the red light,
Those days are over you don't have to sell your body to the night..."
Wife: sideways look
Me: "Roooooxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight,
Walk the streets for money you don't care if it's wrong or if it's right..."
Wife: sideways look
Me: "You know who sings that, right?"
Wife: "Yeah, the Police."
Me: "Who and the Police?"
Wife: "Sting?"
Me: "Yes it does."
… I’m considering “Prose and Cons”
A Pyramid Schemer
He was taken for granite.
So basically, stockbrokers.
A condescending con, descending
A condescending con descending.
A condescending con descending.
They call that the Con Sequence of their actions
is progress the opposite of congress?
And don't forget constitution.
Then the opposite of “progress” is “Congress”
(Dads can be woke too)
it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?!
