What do you call a duck with a condom?

A rubber ducky

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JesseLynx
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Son: "Dad, what are condoms used for ?"

Dad: "To avoid such questions."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œDad, what are condoms used for?”

I said, β€œUsually to avoid answering questions like this one.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m thinking of starting an innovative condom manufacturing company.

Decided to call it Lay Techs.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamantcondition
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a box of condoms from the store the other day and the cashier asked me if I wanted a bag

I said β€œnah, I’ll just turn the lights off.”

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
If you really think about it condoms are just sonblock.
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theKidWithCam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Girl, when a guy swears he doesn't need to wear a condom, don't fall for it...

... don't kid yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lapsangsong
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One is a Goodyear. The other is a very good year

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gauisg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who used punctured condoms?

Dad

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should you always wear a condom when having sex with a member of the Dark Side?

You could catch Sythilis

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Condoms...

PPE for the peepee....

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yodas_Lil_Helper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
So I’m rolling through the supermarket and I see these Bare Skin condoms...

And all I can think is, β€œGod please let it be panda”.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brannono
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the leprechaun wear two condoms?

To be sure, to be sure.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beefjerky27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said to my thirteen year old daughter, β€œThey covered it with a giant black condom.”

That is it. That is the joke. Welcome to Asheville, NC.

https://www.bpr.org/post/vance-monument-fully-shrouded-lee-marker-removed

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aplcnlife
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Edible condoms are literally junk food
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tschatz1010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of condoms do frogs prefer?

Ribb-ed

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdegannes87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
During my first ultrasound, the nurse pulled out the device that goes inside, and put a condom on it.

My kid's dad says, "Oh, so that's how you keep from coming here."

Actual, horribly painful dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snarktopus420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!

A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.

"Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xenevi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do I put a condom on my debit card?

Filthy slots.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rippegari
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does a deaf guy never use condoms?

He has never heard of it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robindc_93
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are there broken condoms on the couch, honey?

Stop calling your kids that.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Husband: Why are there broken condoms on the couch?

Wife: Would you please call our children by their name?

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Always put condoms on your ears when listening to loud music

Otherwise you might catch hearing aids.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When I turned into a teenager, my dad repeatedly emphasized the importance of using a condom whenever I have sex.

He said, β€œAnyone who would sleep with you would sleep with almost anyone else.”

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me to explain what burning a used condom is

I said it's just genocide in a nutshell

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CocozuBR
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Condoms are for fucking pussies
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMoroccanSultan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Condom commercials should just be a short clip of a couple trying to enjoy a nice meal in public with children.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrClapCheeks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the frog say at the condom product development meeting?

Ribbit

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A condom manufacturer kept getting criticized because its new gimmicks never did anything for women. So they did what any good company would do and went to the most knowledgeable frog in the world for advice. You know what the frog said?

β€œRibbit.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smacksmackums
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I made my son sit through a 1 hour long PowerPoint presentation titled "The utmost importance of wearing a condom".

All the slides were just photos of him.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slavameba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you call someone whos unsure if they should use a condom or not?

Someone whos discombobulatex

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Condoms are not always safe.

You can still be shot by her husband.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened to the man who put his condom on backwards?

He went.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CunnyFunt123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the condom say to the guy weightlifting?

Practice safe sets

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Son asks dad "what are condoms used for?"

Dad: To avoid such questions!

πŸ‘︎ 173
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid asked me, β€œDad, what are condoms used for?”

I said, β€œUsually to avoid answering questions like these.”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œDad, what are condoms used for?”

Me: Usually to avoid answering such questions.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How many condoms can you make from a tire?

Well there are 365 in a good year.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VestigialHead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms ?

One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n4snl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, what are condoms for?”

β€œUsually to avoid answering questions like these.”

πŸ‘︎ 320
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What advice did the frog give to the condom manufacturer?

Rib it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eachard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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