Commencement speech Puns

I graduated top of my class in college and gave a commencement speech.. the award included a brass bowl. My mother literally told me that the bowl was hers and it was her work that earned me that bowl... I'm like: "it's a f*ing bowl...show me your degree." She then continued telling people that she paid for my college tuition despite the ~$200k I took in student loans to pay for my tuition. She also said she took a reverse mortgage on her house to pay for my tuition, but she actually took the reverse mortgage on her house to pay for home appliances, unnecessary repair work, entire landscape projects, a new balcony, new trees and tree removal, driveway repair, purses, etc.......... And actually she left me hanging without the money I needed to complete my full degree.

I have the first draft of the 5-min speech and welcome any suggestions to make it more Swift inspired with like lyrics, album names, song names and other Taylor quotes. I would like suggestions on any part of the speech including the part I haven't written😅.

We stand here today on the precipice of the future. It's not a distant reality anymore. It begins here. It begins today.

It has been a long four years, but here we are, ready to graduate. We worked hard to get to this point, but we didn't do it all by ourselves. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to a lot of people.

So, here's to our teachers, thank you for unselfishly sharing your time, talent, and knowledge with us.

Here's to our parents, thank you for supporting us in more ways than it's possible to count.

Here's to our coaches and advisors, thank you for making school about more than just classwork.

Here's to our custodial staff, nurses, hall monitors, and lunchroom attendants, my deepest gratitude to each of you for taking care of us and keeping our school clean and safe.

Here's to all the administration staff, thank you for keeping things running smoothly, especially in the past year.

Here's to our guidance counselors, thank you for listening and trying to keep us on the right track for graduation.

And here is to you, my fellow graduates. Some of us will go on to college, others will go straight into the workforce or to the military, but each of us will travel our own path. No matter where we go or what we do, there are challenges ahead of us. What I'm asking from each of you, and myself, is to meet those challenges straight on with your head held high and your heart wide open.

So with this turning point upon us, I’d say remember these moments. Somewhere in the back of your mind. All the ups and downs of the past 4 years. Hold on to these memories and they will hold on to you. This was a tumultuous year but we'll stand up as champions tonight because we have come out stronger and never scared. Life about isn’t how to survive the storm; it’s about how to dance in the rain. So long live all the magic we made and long live the CLASS OF 2021!

Thank you, everybody.

(edited with suggestions from comments)

The air was thick with smog as the man walked out to the podium. The sunset was pink and purple and unnaturally vibrant, though hardly anyone could see enough of it to take it in. The man took a hold of the microphone.

"From the moment a person is born, to the moment they die, they are sold a dream. For some it is simple, inheriting their family's farm, or working a 9-5 and retiring at 65. For others, it is to work a high powered, high payed job, or to serve their country, in some capacity or other. For others still, it is simply to be better, to rise above the childhood sentence they served, to be better than their parents, and give their children all that they can. You have all taken the first step towards your dreams."

The speaker paused for a moment, coughing in to his elbow, and looking out at the audience, clad in their cap and gowns, one step from the future they had all studied for years to attain. On their faces he saw excitement, contentment, even regret.

"What if I told you, you can aspire for more? That the dreams you dream need not be your limits?"

On some faces, he saw disbelief, on others, agreement. He coughed in to his elbow again, ignoring the hint of red in his spittle. The faces in the crowd were as varied as the snowflakes in a blizzard, or the waves in the ocean.

"In every one of you, there is the capacity to do more than you have dreamed, to push past the boundaries of your own mind, and do things you could have never imagined. Would you believe me if I said that?"

The speaker paused again, this time for dramatic effect. The crowd was silent, looking at the speaker in confusion. They did not know where the speaker was going with this speech.

"Well, it is true," he continued. "Every one of you has the chance to be more than just the sum of your parts. You can rise above it all, and become the remarkable people I know you all can be. Every person is given a choice, when faced with their own contentment. They can continue to live out their dreams and live a peaceful life, or they can rise above, breaking the boundaries of everything they have ever known. My generation, and many before it have been content to only live their dreams."

The majority of the crowd still seemed confused, though the quickest among them appeared to be catching on to the speaker's point. The speaker, seeing their confusion, understanding it, and hoping to quell it, continued.

"What I am trying to say is, be better than just mere dreamers. Lead this w

Bill Watterson was the guest speaker at Kenyon College in 1990.

http://timhulsizer.com/cwords/cglimpsed.html

Hello all,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I am graduating from Brigham Young University—a university owned and operated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormon church)—this semester. I was just told that I am a candidate to speak during the commencement ceremony. If I am selected, I will either be speaking to graduates from the social sciences department or to graduates from the honors program.

Next week, I will be meeting with a committee to discuss what I would like to say were I selected to speak.

So, my question is: What you think I should say? What do you think social science students or honors students from a religious, conservative university need to hear?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Can someone clip her telling the entire graduating class to pull thenselves up by their bootstraps at the very end of her speech? Cause that was so sudden and like what😬