Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
A good clean joke for you.
An outdoor neighborhood cat was hiding in some bushes while I was hedge trimming. Didn't see him and clipped his tail clean off. I panicked and grabbed the cat and his tail rushing to my car and drove like a mad man to Walmart. The greeter was puzzled and asked why I brought the cat.
"Because you're the largest re-tailer in the world!"
My spice rack fell, and I had to spend half a day cleaning up.
Well, that was a waste of thyme.
How dare they make someone else clean that up
I spilled the litter box when I was cleaning it.
It was quite the cat ass trophy.
DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner...
You become a vacuum cleaner.
What's a dinosaur's least favorite cleaning supply?
How do Australians clean their butts?
What does a mermaid clean her fin with?
I bought a vacuum cleaner to finally clean my home
Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?
They had nothing to go on.
It took me ages cleaning the dishes with my wife.
Next time, I think I'll use a sponge instead.
Why finding a source of clean water is the most important to-do when trying to survive?
Because thirst things first.
Why is the delorean so clean
Because its only driven from time to time
Have you heard they’re cleaning pigs with ham sanitizer?
The strangest job I had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
I asked my dad why he was cleaning the floor at 2am.
He said he was feeling sweepy
I told my wife if she cleans and does the dishes I’ll sweep the whole house. She thinks that isn’t fair...
Just because I bought a Roomba
Have you heard of the underwater google bandit?
They can’t find him because victims are only giving vague descriptions.
I hate spring cleaning...
Darn things bounce all over the place.
I thanked him for cleaning my driveway. But he just brushed it off.
How do you clean Disney World?
The other day I asked my dad why he chose window cleaning as a profession
He told me it was the only job he could see himself doing
When I was cleaning my room earlier I found book on anti-gravity...
I couldn't put it down.
As told by my son to my wife just now. The circle is complete.
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
I cleaned the attic with my wife the other day
Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair!
I texted my daughter, "Did you know that superglue can also be used for cleaning!"
"Your computer keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
First post in this sub, be gentle
From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
What did the aluminum bandits say when they were caught?
How does Dolly Parton clean her swimming pools?
Chlorine, chlorine, chlorine, chlorineeeeeeeeeeee!
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.
He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
How did the dinosaur get clean?
My son never does his laundry so one day I got fed up and told him "If you don't start cleaning your clothes I'm going to leave you all my dirty clothes in my will!"
Sorry, just had to heir my dirty laundry
Before sex, you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself
Moral of the story is, no one helps you after you get fucked
What do you call a dinosaur who is easy to clean, heat resistant and long lasting?
py-rex
I'll get my coat...
My wife said if I cleaned the house the reward would be sex.
My goodness, I wonder who with.
Why does Cinderella go extra crazy with her spring cleaning?
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