Unedited; questionable language.
Previously: Pole dancing. Cat fighting. I think that might be just about every "previously on" description for this show.
It is morning. Rodeo works out. Sam brushes her teeth. Well, at least one girl has perfunctory hygiene. Heather reminds us that there are two camps in the house: the bad girls/A Team/varsity squad, who are her, Brandi C., Lacey, and Kristia; and the good girls, who are Magdalena, Erin, Jes, Mia, Sam, Dallas. Heather also calls these the "fake girls." Tough talk from a woman fashioned of silicone, rusty car parts, and Tang. Lacey tells us that she's feeling devil horns poking out of her skull, and is going to have to do something to get her current archnemesis, fur- and meat-loving Dallas, out of the house.
Big John delivers some Bret Mail: "Hope you're all rested/'Cause today your skills will be tested/Are you the one that goes fast?/Who puts the pedal to the gas?/Well, get geared up and ready to start/'Cause today you girls will race for my heart./The fastest four will win a date." Oh my God, could they not just add a "hurry up and don't be late" or something at the end? I can't bear the unresolved rhyming couplet! Kristia is psyched, because she's a big fan of the crosses -- motocross, supercross, snowcross, Jesus on the cross. She's all about it.
The girls get dressed and head to a motocross track, where there are bikes all lined up for them. Three helmeted folks come racing toward them. One is Bret, who takes off his helmet while ensuring that his black bandana doesn't come off in the process. And I mean, thank God. We've seen what's on top of his head, and it's quite possible that it has turned people blind and/or to stone. Bret is a big motorcycle and motocross fanatic -- he says that motocross is one of the most important things in his life, and he wants his lady to enjoy riding as well. He introduces his co-riders: nine-time women's world motocross champion (or something) Mercedes Gonzalez, and soon to be nine-time world champion Charity Okerson. Oh, yay, some real lesbians and not just Tawny and Heather doing shots out of each others' cleavage! Bret says that they're bitter rivals, and are going to take their aggression out on the contestants. On the motocross track. And perhaps off. I mean, who really knows? Erin looks terrified. I don't know why, since if she flies off of the bike and lands chest down she'll just bounce right back on. Heather, however, is psyched, and determined to win th
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Buenosdillas
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
2 girls 1 cup 2g1c 4r5e 50 yard cunt punt 5h1t 5hit 5ht 666 @$$ a s s a s shole a$$ a$$hole a2m a54 a55 a55hole abbo abeed abuse acrotomophilia addicts adult aeolus africoon ahole alabama hot pocket alaskan pipeline alligator bait alligatorbait amateur amcik anal anal impaler anal leakage anal sex analannie analprobe analsex andskota anilingus anus apeshit ar5e arabush arabushs areola areole argie arian armo armos aroused arrse arschloch arse arsehole aryan asd asexual ash0le ash0les asholes ass ass clown ass fuck ass hat ass hole ass monkey ass-fucker ass-hat ass-jabber ass-pirate assbag assbagger assbandit assbang assbanged assbanger assbangs assbite assblaster assclown asscock asscowboy asscracker asses assface assfaces assfuck assfucker assfukka assgoblin assh0le assh0lez asshat asshead assho1e asshole assholes assholz asshopper asshore assjacker assjockey asskiss asskisser assklown asslick asslicker asslover assman assmaster assmonkey assmucus assmunch assmuncher assnigger asspacker asspirate asspuppies assrammer assranger assshit assshole asssucker asswack asswad asswhole asswhore asswipe asswipes auto erotic autoerotic axwound ayir azazel azz azzhole a_s_s b a s t a r d b i t c h b i t ch b o o b b!+ch b!tch b!tchin b*tch b00b b00bies b00biez b00bs b00bz b0ner b17ch b1tch b7ch babe babeland babes baby batter baby juice backdoor backdoorman badfuck bag licker bagging ball gag ball gravy ball kicking ball licking ball sack ball sucking ballbag balllicker balls ballsack bampot bang bang (one's) box bangbro bangbros banger banging bareback barely legal barelylegal barenaked barf barface barfface bassterd bassterds bastard bastardo bastards bastardz basterds basterdz bastinado batty boy bawdy bazongas bazooms bbw bdsm beaner beaners beaney beaneys beardedclam beastality beastial beastiality beastility beatch beater beatoff beatyourmeat beaver beaver cleaver beaver lips beef curtain beef curtains beer beeyotch behenchod bellend bender beotch bescumber bestial bestiality bi curious bi+ch bi7ch biatch bich bicurious big black big breasts big knockers big tits bigass bigbastard bigbreasts bigbutt bigtits bimbo bimbos bint birdlock bitch bitch ass whore bitch tit bitch' bitchass bitched bitcher bitchers bitches bitchez bitchin bitching bitchslap bitchtit bitchtits bitchy biteme black cock black people blackcock blackman blackout blacks blonde action blonde on blonde blonde on blonde action bloodclaat bloody bloody hell blow blow j blow job blow jobs blow me b
... keep reading on reddit ➡What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
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Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
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Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
Do your worst!
Bob
