Essentially, this idea for a joke came to me recently, which was a play on words. A two story building - that means it has multiple floors, OR, if it's taken literally, has two mental stories, which could be linked to schzofrenia.
In other words, a house with more floors than one has schizofrenia. That's the general idea. But I struggled to build a joke around that. So, jokers of r/dadjokes, I raise you this challenge!
I have no idea what the reception to this post will be, but keep in mind it's just supposed to be a fun experiment.
Too much suspense.
I present the longest pun ever:
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimba
... keep reading on reddit ➡3 men were on a boat, having dinner. In between the starter and main dishes they went smoking on the deck. Once arrived on the deck, the one with the cigarettes figured he had 4 cigarettes but no lighter. He threw one cigarette overboard so that the boat became a cigarette lighter
...but he really knew how to make an entrance.
I work as a salesman in a call center. We were going over some of the more interesting names we’ve seen and called. Without disclosing the last name my neighbor said oh, you haven’t heard of “Cytoplasm XXXXXXX”? I answered. The guy is a computer programmer who I’d imagine changed his name to that unless his parents are that cruel. I start rambling off “Cytoplasm?? Of all the organelles in a eukaryotic cell to name yourself you pick cytoplasm?! What about Golgi apparatus, or endoplasmic reticulum?” My manager chimes in “wow you memorized a lot from bio” I told her I went to college for science shit but “now here I am making phone calls as a professional, thanks college” to which my neighbor replies.... “I guess now you could say you’re a PROkaryote
I'm delighted to say...sales are going through the roof
I gave them up for lint.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I told him he should be a mathematician if he really likes the order of operations.
It hasn't come out yet
Because they make up everything.
Ah never mind, it’s too cheesy
(Warning: some setup required)
My friend and I lived in an apartment building years ago that had grills on the roof for community use. But so paranoid were they about people damaging them that they kept them locked at all times and required residents to reserve the grills and sign out the key from the front desk.
One day we signed out the key and were finishing grilling some burgers when another resident, who didn’t know the policy, came up to the roof wanting to grill. We shared a laugh at how stupid the system was before giving him the key and telling him to lock the grill when he was done.
An hour later, my friend gets an angry call from the front desk asking where the key is. We explain that we gave it to someone else and he should have returned it. Evidently they never did. They eventually had to cut the lock off and were very irritated with us, but we figured there was nothing to be done and the other guy was just being a jerk not returning the key.
The next day my friend goes to take a shower…and finds the key in one of the pockets of his shorts. He quickly tossed the key in a dumpster. We felt pretty dumb, but no one ever found out and we never got into any trouble because in this country, everyone is innocent—until proven grill key.
Sure, I'll sign UP for IT.
This was not any ordinary bird however, as he was able to speak and understand English at a perfect level. For quite a while, he didn't use it much to his advantage. He was content simply fluttering around and living peacefully with his bird wife.
But one day, tragedy struck! Our bird one day woke up to an empty nest, no bird kids, no bird wife, just him and some twigs.
He starts asking around his bird community, and eventually pieces together that his bird wife got tired of him and his lack of ambition. She took the bird kids and flew off to stay with her bird Mother.
Our bird was left with an overwhelming sense of listlessness, realizing that everything he had worked towards in his bird life was now gone.
Our bird, now destitute and lonely, decided he was tired of bird life, and wanted to use his English speaking ability to try something new.
He decides to fly into the nearest human town, and observe for a bit. He perched himself on a tree overlooking the main street of the town, and simply watched.
After an hour or two, he noticed several people heading into a building, one labelled as "Bar". He decides that if he wants to truly utilize his prowess of the English language, the best place to start is with other English speakers, so he flies down to the building and hops his way inside.
Our bird makes his way over the bar, hops up on a stool, and says "Hey bartender, can I get a drink?" The bartender and a few other people nearby notice that these words came out of a bird and are immediately and completely enthralled and bewildered by this sight.
The bartender saunters over and asks "Did you just ask for a drink? But you're a bird! I've never seen anything like this before, but if you want a drink I'm happy to oblige".
The bartender pours the bird some water, places it in front of him, and they start chatting. After realizing what was happening, every patron at the bar is standing around the bird, eager to get another peek at this otherworldly phenomenon. People ask the bird some questions, and the bird happily responds, informing them all of his plight and his goal to take full advantage of his gift. More people make their way to him, snapping pictures and videos to share with their friends. The bird loves all the attention and is more than happy to indulge each and every customer who comes up to him.
After a few hours, closing time rolls around. Most people make their way out of the bar, ecstatic to share their newfound memories with family an
... keep reading on reddit ➡They're calling it an express-o.
- Thanks to sourceshrek for inspiring this joke with his own: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/qqf7i0/a_girl_i_once_dated_was_an_italian_pastry_chef/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
You know how Elon Musk is building those tubes under Los Angeles and San Francisco so people can get to work in their teslas faster than regular roads? Well there’s a problem … the cars go so fast that the passengers are terrified. Whole cars full of commuters arrive at their destination so cramped up from grabbing their seats or steering wheel in terror that they can’t even use their hands to type…
People are getting carpool tunnel syndrome.
“How tall was it?” His friend asked.
“Over 100 stories!” he answered.
And his friend said “wow, that’s a tall library!”
I told her that I can’t stand high maintenance women.
A caterpillar.
Well, you can’t. I’m still working on it.
So I exchanged it for another free of charge.
Nothing. He won’t hear you anyway
But it's nothing concrete yet
There may be an existing English language version of this, but growing up in Sweden, my grandfather would point to these C-shaped apartment buildings and ask: “What do they call the people who live in those banana-shaped buildings?” Me: “don’t know, what?” Grandpa: “why tenants, of course”
Can be used with any unique architecture; enjoy!
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
He couldn't finish building his To-do application.
Told him to MERN up.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡However, some critics say that it needed a little less conversation and a little more action
It’s going to be called Stock Home Syndrome.
They agreed to meet in the middle.
It's almost done. I'll be finished on schedule, I promise
He worked in the olfactory downtown.
I’m still working on it.
Well I'm still working on it.
A smooth criminal.
But all I wanted was one night stand.....
...but I'm still working on it.
No one has what it takes.
