Buddy (dog) Puns

Seems a bit far-fetched.

Daughter: "Dad, call the dog!"

My buddy: "What should I call it?"

I asked, 'Which is?'

'Exactly', he replied.

Badminton

My dog, a beagle, was trying to get comfortable in my chair.

I said to the dog: "dammit Blue you're bugging the hell out of me."

My buddy: "Would you say he is hounding ya?"

Commence groan.

It was a Shitzu.

Thanks to Drinking Buddy from Fallout.

He takes his seeing eye dog and starts swinging it,round and round.I asked him,"Hey buddy,what are you doing to that poor dog?"

He says,"Just taking a look around."

She was holding a small female Shitzu and my friend wanted a picture with her and her dog, I snapped the pic and my friend says "I got my picture taken with two beautiful women" to which she replied "Oh my dog is only 4 months old" Without hesitation my buddy says "Well I guess the makes me a PET ophile then" Many LOLs were had, Ive had to listen to him tell this story 50 times since hehehe

(Debating on whether or not our dog Buddy can tell time)

"Of course Buddy can tell time! He's a watch dog!"

I was on training hike with a bunch of my buddies last year for a major trek we were taking that summer. We were hiking Stone Mountain in Georgia starting about the time the park opened. When we had all geared up, we set off to hike the mountain a few times. When we got to the base of the trail, there was a cop there stopping people for going up. Someone asked what was wrong. The cop replied, "There are three rabid dogs on the mountain, we have closed the trail until we can contain them." My friend, really disappointed that we couldnt go up just yet, asked when the trail would be open again. The cop replied, "I don't know sir, the dogs don't really have sense of time or schedules." Without even hesitating, I said, "I guess they aren't watch dogs." The cop was stunned into silence, every single one of my friends yelled their groans. I was 17, and I had to check that I wasnt a father

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

I was walking through the store and nearly bumped into him so I apologized. His response follows:

"That reminds of the guy that went to Wal-Mart with his dog. He walks inside and starts swinging the dog around over his head. The manager run over screaming, 'Hey buddy what are you doing with that dog? Cut it out!' And the guy says back 'Oh you don't understand. This is my seeing eye dog. I was just taking a look around!'"

Then he walked away cackling to himself.

I started working at a jewelry store two weeks ago. I just turned 24, and one of my new co-workers is about 50 years old and repairs jewelry that customers bring. He is a master of dad jokes.

1. One day, I was windexing our glass displays.

Him: I recently started getting the urge to take my clothes off and run around all over the place. My buddy told me to try drinking Windex. It prevents streaking.

2. Another time, it was almost closing time and we were getting bored.

Him: A man was walking his Great Dane and saw a pub. He said, "I'll go have me a drink or two," and tied the dog up outside.

A little while later another man comes in the pub and says, "Sir, is that your Great Dane out there? My dog just killed it."

"What kind of dog do you have?!"

"Chihuahua."

"You're telling me a chihuahua killed my dog?"

"Yea, he got stuck about right here." grabbing his throat

3. Lastly, we were bored yet again at the end of another day, and he came up to me and another worker and says, "Did one of you lose a big wad of twenty dollar bills wrapped in a rubber band?"

We looked at one another confused. "... No."

"Oh, because I had some good news... I found the rubber band." holding up a runner band

I like my new job.

Meeting my buddy's dad for the first time. We're shaking hands; his wife (friend's mom) and dog are there. I begin petting the dog.

"Watch out, she'll like your hands." [few seconds go by] "...the dog, not my wife."