Bright Side of the Road Puns

The one stamped Idaho!

Chicken clucks to his friend, “Don’t do it mate, you’ll never hear the end of it.”

Apparently it was littering.

He’s afraid to get across

I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.

Man it can fart

He just didn't choose the right thing

It went off without a hitch

The outside

gorilla jokes

Dim sum.

They said I was weaving all over the road.

They’re alright now

I felt his presents.

So when they return to the port they can Scandinavian

I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it

Still can’t figure out how I fit under it.

You could almost lichen it to a compass.

It didn’t make the cut.

To get to the other sigh.

Because that bit there is samizdat bit there

To scan da navy in.

The cocktail

I told him it was the car berater.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before.

The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night; he tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk.” The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks." In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is

Because he chickened out.

You’ll sheet metal

I guess he's just a little ruff around the edges.

He’s all right now.

One donkey said to the other “shall we cross over?” The other said, “we had better be careful look what happened to the Zebra!”

As told to me by my son.

The outside!

There was instant confusion

Washington DC.

The doctor said he is alright. The nurses say there is nothing left in him.

It got stuck in a crack

I said "Now that's a nice cube!"

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

He flew the coop.

but there are already nuance on the way.

He told me he was playing by ear.

He thought it’s a boundary

“Bison!!!”

~Was shocked to speechlessness when my 5 year old kid said this with a straight face. And this happened when I was trying very hard to teach him the right format of a knock-knock joke. I was stumped for about a minute as he combined a chicken-cross-the-road with a wordplay. Laughed so hard after that - until my wife had to use a pan on my head to stop us both.

I'm sure that must have been a record

He said "I'm a farmer see"

To get some bok bok bok choy!

They charged her with littering!

DON'T, you'll never hear the end of it

So they can Scandinavian

To get to the other sighs.

So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian!