Brewed coffee Puns

That’s the last time I have a dark roast.

I went full sexist pig, “YOU'RE in charge of cooking around here woman and YOU should do it, because it's YOUR job and I can just wait for my coffee.”

She replied coldly, “No, YOU should do it and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

I guffawed, “I can’t believe that, show me!”

So she fetched the Bible and opened to the New Testament and showed me the top of several pages, that it indeed says, “HEBREWS!”

They said it was grounds for termination.

To make sure they are well roasted.

I said decaf.

They use a perkele-tor.

Using a brrrrr grinder

Due to extreme weather, this years coffee crop will be very difficult to grind. Experts fear there may be trouble brewing.

"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

I poked my head in his room, and he was blathering about how he wanted to quit school and be a truck driver.

"I'm gonna get one of those big beautiful Peterbuilts, with all the running lights everywhere. Or maybe a Mack with an extended cab..."

"Better brew him a pot of coffee," I told his mother. "The final is in a half hour, and he's only semi-conscious."

I was telling my wife a story about a programmer that was able to run a computer script on a Coffee Machine.

It would brew the coffee for the person exactly as they reached the machine, my wife jokingly said, "he speaks computer coffee."

That is when Dad Joke came in and I said, you could say that he speaks Java.

She walked outside without saying anything and stared at the yard for a while.

After it brewed, the coffee had too many grounds to appeal...

My pregnant wife, whose sense of smell is extremely heightened, complains about the smell of coffee as it is being brewed.

My response is that it is heaven scent

It's call HeBrews Coffee.

He brewed us some coffee.

I'm sorry

Family in kitchen awaiting breakfast

Dad: "Honey, make me some coffee."

Mom: "Make your own coffee"

Dad: "A women's place is in the kitchen, so you have to make it"

Mom: "No, it says in the bible that men make coffee"

Dad: "It does? Where?"

*Opens bible and points to the book of "HeBrews"

I made some Coffee and I said with to myself out loud as I was getting my cup:

"Coffee! Don't mind if I brew!"

That's when I thought of the name of a Cafe I need to open.

We went to a bagel and coffeeshop this morning for breakfast. As we were fixing our coffee, two coffee workers began arguing over thrown out bagels.

My roommate looked at me and said, "looks like there's some bagel drama brewing." I told him he will make a great dad some day.