My dog used to bark Bow-Wow! Older now, he goes AARP-AARP!
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...

I was amidship man.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
The man stood up after a rousing speech, took a bow and marched out triumphantly.

He was protesting against violins in schools.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bttrflyr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Name a bow that can’t be tied?

A rainbow

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Bow before the all mighty
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_y0uR_m0M
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/msshroom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife, Ming, told me, "You would look more professional without that funny bow tie." I have to wear it though. I explained to her, "My jokes aren't funny without...

my comedic tie, Ming."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Bow down to your master, peasants
πŸ‘︎ 261
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edmund22lee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
You should buy a bow and arrow.

it's worth a shot.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnacksAttacked
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the bow of a Benetau yacht?

The beginning of a beautiful French ship.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewszabo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I shot an oar out of a bow, and missed.

It was an air row

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Runeald_Waslib
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Odysseus is lauded as the hero I the Odessy...

But his bow was the unstrung hero.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midas_1988
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
That's not the bow of the boat

He said sternly

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Takes aggressively violent bow
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrum7000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the butter knife put on a bow tie?

Because he wanted to look sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I have spotted a genius over in r/dadjokes ! Take a bow u/24two
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do big-game hunters mount their lions’ heads?

To mount the other end would be a catastrophe.

πŸ‘︎ 383
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/friste
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
*Slap knee* repeat x 5
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Turronno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking

I had trouble coping.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you kill someone with a bow from the high ground?

Death from a bow.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonskuz15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you have a good Christmas? Yeah how
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stvreps
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What does water worship?

A Goddamn

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Asadleafsfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend told me their daughter is saving up to buy a bow and arrow, and my friend is supportive of this.

I said "That's quite Brave".

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Dracula told me to bow in his presence, you could say I was...

Down for the count

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayAspen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Bow Hunting
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AFCBlink
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Guy chose a crossbow instead of a bow.

It was a bolt decision.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinK15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
See what they did there
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NicholasP993
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Cupid is always seen using a bow

Because in Greek, the goddess of love had Eros

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me it's too dangerous to put away dishes in the dark

I said "it's a whisk I'm willing to take"

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrightHausJon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A rope a walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign, says "Can't you read?! No Ropes allowed". The rope leaves the bar, ties himself into a bow and messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender says, " ain't you that rope again"?! The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed not"!
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goodboyBill
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
🚨︎ report
In arrow
πŸ‘︎ 567
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/versifier03
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bow in Spanish?...

... El-Bow

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yogachoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Two original dad jokes for you that involve our dog Habibi

Our new puppy is named Habibi but we all call her Bibi for short. Here are two real dad jokes I've told about her in the past few weeks:

  • What do you call it when Bibi eats one of the Star Wars toys?

Bibi ate

  • What do you call it when Bibi shoots out tiny poop pellets instead of her normal poops?

Bibi gun

Thank you, thank you. bows

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jjjmills
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What if someone made a bow that shot water?

I think it would be called a rainbow. It seems like a really colorful idea. I bet it would really shine.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yabhay-Cake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to go bow hunting in Mexico

But I didn't Habanero.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Where does a boat go when it’s sick?

The dock!

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fonz136
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a rain's favorite weapon?

Rain-bow

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TakasuoHD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
When the police were chasing me I only just got away by firing myself out of a bow...

I tell you, it was a narrow escape.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the sexy brown chicken say to the sexy brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NiTro_Erebus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
An Archer was selling me a really nice bow for a low price.

I was suspicious, so I asked: "What's the catch?"

To which he replied: "Second-hand bow. No strings attached."

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mugsofjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken say, β€œMeow, oink, bow-wow, moo”?

He was studying foreign languages.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devilmonkey6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Cello there
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sirlukethemodest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the bow legged cowboy get fired?

Because he couldn't keep his calves together.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.