If a Bluebird has blue-babies, and a blackbird has black-babies, what kind of bird has no-babies?

A Swallow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qdontevenknow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Work is killing my feet: they are all black and blue
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sine_nomine1859
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Dad: β€œI like to have my shoes match my pants. For instance, my brown shoes go well with my blue pants and my black shoes go well with my gray pants. My stripper heels on the other hand...”

β€œ...don’t go with anything.”

My dad never makes β€œdad jokes” but, he actually said this yesterday and I’m so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueholeload
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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What's brown, blue and black?

They're colours son. Colours.

Edit: Wow... Didn't expect this much karma. Thanks guys!

Edit 2: Yes. I am fully aware of my bad grammar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foxsight
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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When my friend saw my black and blue toenail.

Him: "is that from skiing?"

Me: "yeah, that's mah-ski-toe!" proceed to make mosquito noises

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πŸ‘€︎ u/E-So-Money
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…

He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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My daughter has learnt well

My 8 year old came home from school and on the car trip home

Daughter: mum I bet I can make you say black

Wife: oh really?

Daughter: what color is that car

Wife: Blue?

Daughter: And that tree?

Wife: Brown

Daughter: told you I could make you say brown

Wife: no you said black!

I have never been more proud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noragen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What happens when you break your teacher's red pen?

You get black and blue marks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shimshamshum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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"Did you get into a fight?!"

So a little back story, I work at a fitness center as a lifeguard. I'm on a pretty friendly basis with a lot of the regulars because the same group usually comes and swim laps around the same time. I usually like to joke with them as they come in, catch up, comment on new swim suits or haircuts or whatever.

Anyway the joke, so a woman comes in wearing a new blue suit with black trim.

I threw my hands up in the air and ask from across the pool, "oh no! Did you get into a fight??"

When she looked at me confused, I then followed up with "You're all black and blue!"

Her audible groan couldn't have been more perfectly timed.

We had a good laugh after that though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanThePenguin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
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Hit my roommate with this one.

Her: Why are your earbuds black and blue? (One has a black coloured covering, the other blue)

Me: Because they're beats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRedArrow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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My friend dad-joked me today

I was going to get together with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, and I wanted to go out to lunch sometime.

Me: "What does your schedule look like?"

His response? "It has white pages, with black ink, and a blue cover." He then chuckled heartily.

I fear he must have gotten his girlfriend pregnant or something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taterbawgs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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Dad dropped this bomb at dinner

My mom, sister, and myself are all blonde with blue eyes, but my dad has black hair and green eyes. While discussing our coloring he dropped this on us. My mom-"you're so lucky. With your coloring you can wear nice oranges when we can't." My Dad-"Wouldn't oranges be awful heavy as clothing?" My mom-"just stop."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tearsinmyweave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2014
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If a Bluebird has blue-babies, and a blackbird has black-babies, what kind of bird has no-babies?

A Swallow.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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an old man died and was delivered to the local mortuary.....

.. and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.' 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says. 'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' 'So I just switched the heads.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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