What Balkan country is the most armed?
What do you say when cheering on someone from the Balkan?
Pandora’s box wasn’t actually a box.
In fact, all the trouble started because it was ajar.
Al Gore Beat-Boxing
What do you call Al Gore beat-boxing/rapping?
An Al-Gore-Rythm 😁
My server asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.
I said “No, but I’ll wrestle you for ‘em.”
I spilled the litter box when I was cleaning it.
It was quite the cat ass trophy.
I (Australian dad) have been playing chess remotely against my primary school pen-pal (from Czech Republic) for almost 2 decades. I finally beat him yesterday!
Did you hear about the computer technician who beat up his boss with computer parts?
It turns out he was a real keyboard warrior.
We told my 7 y/o nephew that his dad was to go into surgery to get part of his colon removed, without skipping a beat my nephew said...
Does that mean dad's gonna have a semi-colon?
I keep all my spare change in a wire box. My 1 cent coins, my 10 cent coins, my 25 cent coins, even my 50 cent and dollar coins. But never my 5 cent coins.
Because it's my Nickel-less Cage.
My Aunt lost her battle to beat Mesothelioma cancer.
She did Asbestos she could.
Why is the second to last pen always the best one in the box?
Because it's the penultimate
Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.
I was getting a rubdown when the masseuse started really digging into my muscles with a box of Kleenex...
It was my first deep tissue massage.
An iPhone beat up an Android
He was charged with battery
I can't joke around with my boxing coach
>!He keeps dodging my puns!<
A man walks into a bar with a mysterious box under his arms.
Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"
Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink
The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.
Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"
Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."
Bartender: "Why do you say that?"
Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Disclaimer: Not original.
What do you call a pancake that just can’t be beat?
I went to a warehouse that held replacement keyboard keys. Huge bins overflowing with letters, numbers, function keys, boxes blocking the aisles full of arrows, and Windows and Apple keys. Space bars everywhere!
They were out of Control.
Luckily I found an Escape.
I got Home eventually.
My dad was a midget, but I could never beat him in a race.
No matter how fast I ran, he was always a little father.
Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
Why did the little boy run away when making a cake? Because it said crack 2 eggs, then beat it.
Cake joke for my cake day!
My wife threatened to leave me over my bad sense of direction... I beat her to it though.
I packed up my stuff and right!
How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
Son's first good pun for Father's Day
My 7 year old son tries to tell puns, but he's really bad at it. After going to the zoo, he noticed that his right ear was itchy. Upon inspection, we noticed that the skin around his ear was flaking. We discussed if it was a sun burn, but he had been wearing a bucket hat all day. Without missing a beat he said:
I guess it has to be an "ear"itation. He even used air quotes. Proud moment for Father's Day!
Hope you had a great Father's Day as well!
My wife said she wanted divorce because i play too many video games
What a stupid thing to fallout 4
The old beat up sneaker asked his lace if he would make it through the run. The old lace replied
Did you hear about the half-man half-snake boxing champ?
Goes by the name of Rocky Balboa Constrictor.
Life is like a box of chocolates
It won't last long if you're obese
Who is in charge of the pencil box?
The ruler
Credit to my elementary school niece
Did you hear about that boxer from Finland that got beat up?
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks her. "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
I got a box of Viagra teabags last night
They do nothing for your sex life but they do stop your biscuit going soft when you dunk it.
In Schrödinger's thought experiment, if you open the box and the cat is dead,
then your curiosity killed the cat.
My wife said, “I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
My brother opens a box of cereals before finishing another, wasting them. Lets just say...
Friend sent me a timelapse of her folding cardboard boxes, this is how it went.
So I've started wearing boxing gloves while I vacuum.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
I had to throw an entire box of animal crackers away.
I retired from boxing to become a stand up comic
I had too many punchlines in my head
I didn't know if my boxing instructor was any good
We have a box of dead batteries at home.
They are all free of charge
I keep all my spare change in a wire box. My 1 cent coins, my 10 cent coins, my 25 cent coins, even my 50 cent and dollar coins. But never my 5 cent coins.
Because it's my Nickel-less Cage.
Not to brag, but yesterday i beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
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