He's not a flight risk.
He wasn't a flight risk.
Ab-scone-ded.
Christian Bale
Christian Bale
The prosecution said he was a flight risk.
I'm so flaky.
Because he posed a significant flight risk!
They're not even flight risks...
...he told them it was too big to fail.
My dad, ladies and gentlemen -- he'll be here all week! Tip your waiter, try the beef.
Me: "This next song was written for two people, but since my partner couldn't make it I'll just have to duet alone."
Crowd: collective groan
The entire crowd rolled their eyes together, but at least I played well!
We were heading to dinner and driving past a farm (with hay bails) since we are meeting people there my friends dad says.
"Do you think they're going to bail on us?"
Then proceeds to smile and wait for us to laugh.
As soon as it started leaking, he skipped bail.
I used to have a crew cut, but then the crew bailed out.
Apparently he's a quackhead.
I tried to bail him out, they wouldn't let me. Said he was a flight risk.
Christian Bail
I didnβt want to so I bailed
He was Saved by the Bail.
We pass a farm and my dad says:
Dad: hey did you know the FDA is banning those round bails of hey!
Me: No! What? Why? (I was legitimately concerned)
Dad: Yeah! Apparently cows weren't getting a square meal....
Me: ...sighs
Driving in a car
Me: HEY! </points out window>
Her: What??
Her: </Notices bails of hay on side of road>
Me: </Laughs ass off>
Her: I hate you
Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.
Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.
Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked about the spoon.
He told me that restaurant's owner had hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. Everyone started to carry a spoon & since the staff is better prepared now they reduced the number of trips back to the kitchen and are saving 15 man-hours per shift.
A few minutes later I dropped my spoon and & my waiter replaced it with his spare. (I think that he thought I was texting him). He said that he would get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right then. Pretty smart efficiency. These are the types of little changes I plan to make as we move forward.
As we finished dessert I noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. Before my waiter walked off, I asked the him, about the string. He lowered his voice & told me that not everyone is that observant. The consulting firm he had told me about also learned that the restaurant can save time on bathroom breaks. By tying the string to the tip of the penis, the male staff can pull the penis out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash their hands. This small change shortens the ti
... keep reading on reddit β‘I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"
That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.
You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.
As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.
I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.
So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.
However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.
What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.
We were texting friends trying to set up something over the weekend and her best friend bailed saying she needed to save money. So my girlfriend turned to me and said:
"I'm SO pissed off"
"Well that's better than being pissed on honey"
You could hear the groan from a mile away.
Anytime I would start to fall asleep while my dad was driving the back country roads. He would yell hay startling me and as soon as I gained my composer and I would ask "What?" And he would than point at a hay bail and say there is some hay over there.
Fast forward 8 or so years and I was riding in the back of are jeep with my dad and Papa (he doesn't like being called grampa) all of the sudden my papa yells son and my dad slams on the brakes in a panic asking what's wrong. He(papa) than casually points at the sun and says the suns out.
I just turned extremely cold again and my dad was talking about covering up some strawberries to protect them. My response.
"It's a good thing we have a bail (of straw) otherwise we'd have to use blankets. Then they would just be blanket berries..."
It appears cows aren't getting a square meal.
Itβs because the cows werenβt getting a square meal.
Christian Bail
Christian Bail.
Christian Bail
Christian Bale
Christian Bail
Christian Bail
Christian bail
Christian bail.
Christian Bail
Christian Bail .
What do you call it when Batman skips church ?
Christian bail.
