I am baffled how I got a job with a tree removal company.

Completely stumped.

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👤︎ u/JoeFas
📅︎ Jan 25 2020
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The doctor said to me, “You have a severe iron deficiency.” Baffled, I asked, “How do you know? I just walked in!”

He sighed, “Your shirt is all wrinkled.”

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📅︎ Jan 24 2019
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I'm baffled at the fact that my cat always shakes (my hand) when I ask her to.

She always gives me paws.

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📅︎ Oct 22 2018
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My 3 yrs old son told me he got a girlfriend

I asked him what's her name

Son: " Sophie "

Me: "Son,you can't be serious "

Son : "is it because she's older than me?"

Me : "No, it's because she's our cat"

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👤︎ u/Slymood
📅︎ Jun 27 2020
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The effectiveness of suppressors is simply baffling. imgur.com/mVpbrEC
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📅︎ Jan 13 2019
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The fact this is a real company is ewe-tterly baffling.
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📅︎ Feb 09 2018
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Why do my university lecture theatres have all this blank artwork on the walls?

Link.

It's baffling.

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👤︎ u/ktisis
📅︎ Mar 17 2020
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Happy Bill NYE everyone!!! vignette3.wikia.nocookie.…
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👤︎ u/tasteless
📅︎ Dec 31 2016
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My neighbours were being too loud every night

I wanted to install some soundproofing, but the choices were just baffling

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👤︎ u/The_Possum
📅︎ Aug 23 2019
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Two friends are out at the lake..

One of the guys pulls out this really, really long lighter. And his friend says, "Hey, that's a cool lighter. Where'd you get it?" He says, "Oh, I've got this magic genie in a lamp. You know, rub the lamp, get a wish." Friend goes, "Well shit, man! Don't hold out! I want a wish!" "Okay, man, but I have to warn you.. This genie is *really* old.." "All right, whatever, just give me a wish." So he rubs the lamp, the genie comes out, and grants him a wish. He says, "I want a million bucks!" "Your wish is granted," says the genie, he disappears into the lamp, and suddenly a million *ducks* descend upon this lake. The guy is baffled and says, "Hey, what's the deal? I asked for a million *bucks*, not a million *ducks*.." His friend replies, "Dude, you think I asked for a 12-inch *Bic*?"

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Jun 03 2019
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I walked up to the cashier with my new waistcoat, jacket and trousers.

He said, "That will be £725."

"What!" I replied, staggering back. "Do you intend to pocket the remaining £724.97?"

The cashier was baffled. "I don't understand, sir."

"The assistant over there told me it was a 3p suit," I replied.

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Oct 08 2018
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A Swedish man was selling cars...

when a man came by and said the price was insane. The Salesman offered him a second car free with it. The man, baffled, replied with "Well, that sure does Sweden the deal!"

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📅︎ Dec 09 2014
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There was a train operator who had a really bad temper.

There was a train operator who had a really bad temper. Nobody liked him. He would always bark at people and be aggressive towards them. One day an 18 year old girl tried to get on his train near its departure time, but being the man he was, he started moving the train, she fell under it and died. The man was immediately hauled off to court where he was sentenced to desth by electric chair. So they strapped him in and pressed the switch, but nothing happend. Baffled, they let him go. The operator thought long and hard about his actions and decided to improve his life. So when an old woman tried to get on his train near the departure time and seeing her, he waited for her to get on. Unfortunately she tripped, fell, and died. He was hauled off to court again and due to his past reputation, he was sentenced to death by electric chair again. This time when they pulled the switch he was shocked and he died.

Why did it work this time, but not the first time? The first time he was a bad conductor, but the second time he was a good conductor.

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📅︎ Jun 04 2017
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My dad doesn't make many jokes, but this one was too good not to share.

I have letter magnets on my fridge so people can spell out messages. For some reason my dad put up "YOYO TRICKS". I'm completely baffled by what this is supposed to mean. So I ask him and he replies "What's a yo-yo trick?" The first one to come to mind is "walk the dog". He was telling me to walk the dog.

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👤︎ u/Quaytsar
📅︎ Jan 26 2017
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My all-time favorite.

A man is walking down the street with a herd of penguins following him. A cop stops him and says "What are you doing? You can't have these penguins here! Take them to the zoo!" The man says "Um, okay."

The next day the man is walking down the street with his herd of penguins and they're all wearing sunglasses. The cop looks at him, baffled, and says "I told you to bring those penguins to the zoo!" The man responds "I did! Now we're going to the beach!"

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👤︎ u/AgentD
📅︎ Aug 18 2014
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I can stand on one hand

Okay so one night the whole families just laughing around, having fun.. when my dad randomly says, I bet you I can stand on one hand. Naturally, we were all baffled, so we let him try. He got up and told me to get on my hands and knees on the floor. I was quite, weirded out at this point but I did it anyway. He comes up to me and stands on my hand which was on the floor. -.- D:

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📅︎ Apr 08 2014
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Decorating by my uncle

My aunt was looking around our house at the christmas decorations and says to her husband "Oh, we have to decorate, Ron" He looked up at her baffled "Why do we have to decorate me?"

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📅︎ Dec 08 2013
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Trumped

Me: it baffles me how Trump has made it this far and is leading in the Republican Party.

Dad: well, he's obviously just "trump"ed the competition.

I tried not to give him the satisfaction of laughing. But I did.

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👤︎ u/toechill
📅︎ Dec 23 2015
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My girlfriend showed me Moulin Rouge for the first time, tonight.

I was baffled at everyone ignoring the elephant that's the room.

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👤︎ u/Omnificer
📅︎ Nov 09 2014
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