My mom's been cackling at this bad pun for three days.

So my front yard has a lot of weeds and crappy grass I've been trying to get rid of for years. They're mutants, so nothing will kill them. This year, one of the decorative rocks has turned out to be covered by a giant shroom as well. This thing is enormous. It has about a hundred different canopies, but as far as I can tell it's all one organism.

So I was talking with her about things I might be able to use to get rid of all this stuff, shroom included, and after she suggested a mixture of various household products I asked if it would work on fungus as well. She said it was worth a shot and asked why I wanted to know.

I replied, "Because that thing's just taking up way too mush room."

I was over it in a few seconds, but she's been randomly cracking up for days now. Send help.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Batshit_Betty
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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"Dad, why don't mom make bad joke like you ?"

"Well, she already made joke out of me twice and she says she ain't kidding anymore."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kones_6999
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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My mom's sister works in a bakery and is always in a bad mood.

She's my cross aunt.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 41
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ItsKilLikeMine
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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Mom to Dad: Please bring the mayo, but check if it hasn't gone bad

Dad looking for mayo: I think its gone rogue

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Juris_B
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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I'm 23 and was visiting my parents. I was complaining to my mom about my bad receding hairline when my dad walks in...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/brad9
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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Got Dadjoked by my mom this morning (BREAKING BAD SEASON 4 SPOILERS).

I finished Season 4 of Breaking Bad last night and I texted my mom (who's seen the whole show) telling her about what I thought of it.

I said, "Yeah, Gus's death was pretty much the most disturbing thing I've ever seen on TV (alongside a certain Game of Thrones scene, but she doesn't watch that...)."

She replied, "Yeah, that whole finale was pretty mind-blowing."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mr_Wolfdog
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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Sorry this isnโ€™t really a joke but I wanted to say thanks

I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank yโ€™all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesnโ€™t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!

Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and Iโ€™m so glad for yโ€™allโ€™s support!!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MellifluousSussura
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 43k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ebkbk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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My father was in the army...

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me itโ€™s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass itโ€™s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasnโ€™t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

โ€œWhy donโ€™t you just admit it Harryโ€, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

โ€œYou think I could ever do something like this Sarahโ€, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said โ€œWell if the Foux shits...โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RangaRedRascal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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My mom needed help standing up after cleaning the bathroom, so she asked my dad for a hand.

He started clapping.

(Obligatory: actually happened today, my mom messaged me to complain about his bad joke. I thought it was fucking hilarious.)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/malagrond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay" [x-post from /r/jokes]

Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"

Mom: *staring at dad

Dad: ...*clenches fists

Mom: ...don't!

Dad: *sweats profusely

Mom:

Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD

Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rplusg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2015
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Just got the wife with this one...

Her: makes a bad attempt at a joke

Me moments after: "Hey, what's the difference between a mom joke and a dad joke?

Her: ... What?

Me: Dad jokes are funny!!

Then I proceeded to laugh while she gave me 'that look'.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ninjoe87
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Actual conversation at my house while preparing burgers

Me: โ€œBoys, do you want Gouda cheese on your burgers?โ€

Husband: โ€œHurry up and answer your mom. Do you want Gouda cheese or bad cheese on your burger?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/red_polkadot
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
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My mom got us all last night

My family ate out in celebration of my sister graduating. On the way out, my mom grabbed a mint and tried to open it, but the package ripped and it went flying. She looked at the ground, sighed, and said, "well, I guess it wasn't mint to be."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Apparently_Flamingo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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This is a little long so get ready

So this dad likes to listen to his daughter's prayers every time she does them. One night when he is standing by her door, he overhears her say "God bless mom, God bless dad, God bless grandma, and goodbye grandpa." The dad is thinking "Ok that was pretty weird, but whatever."

The next morning, he learns that the grandpa DIED. He remembers what his daughter said last night and thinks "Ok umm this could all just be a coincidence" and he thinks nothing of it.

A month later and the daughter is doing the prayers again. "God bless mom, God bless dad, and goodbye grandma."

Once again, the dad learns the next morning, that the grandma has died from a heart attack. Now he's a little freaked out and thinks "This definitely cannot be a coincidence now, but it still could be, so whatever."

A few weeks later, he hears from his daughter's room, again, "God bless mom, and goodbye dad." Now he is totally freaking out because he thinks he's gonna die today. He spends all day being really cautious so he, you know, doesn't die. At 12:00am, he thinks "Yes! I made it! I didn't die!"

Once he gets home from work, he goes over and he tells his wife, "Honey, I've had a really bad day today and-"

The wife cuts in and says, "Yea me too! The mailman died on our porch!"

~this is my first post so โ•ฎ(โ”€โ–ฝโ”€)โ•ญ ~

๐Ÿ‘︎ 80
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/theresnogoodname
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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My dad called me at 6:30 am today to tell me this. He's in his 50's, I'm 30...

"Good morning, son!"

Hey, Dad, what's up? (Wondering if something bad is up)..

"So, you know why it's never a good idea to get in an argument with your dad?"

(I'm still groggy waking up) Why, Dad?

"Because he already knows all the 'Your Mom' jokes, and you definitely don't want to hear them from him! Ahahahaha!!" /hangs up on me.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/frodohaskids
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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A 7-year-old boy is sitting in court during his parents' custody battle.

He shows up wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, so the judge asks "Are you a Sens fan?" The boy nods his head.

During the custody battle, he is later asked if he wants to live with his mom. His reply is "No, she beats me when drunk."

The judge asks in shock, "Okay, what about your father?"

The boy replies, "But he beats me every day when he comes home from a bad work day!"

With no other options, the jude states "We will have to send you to a foster home." The boy protests.

"Well, who do you want to live with?" the judge asks.

The boy thinks a moment and says ,"The Ottawa Senators. They're nice to people in need, and they don't beat anybody."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JoshP99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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One of my favorites.

When I woke up this morning I had some pretty bad "bed head." When I went downstairs my dad made a comment:

Dad: Hey, nice hair

Me: Thanks I spent about 8 hours working on it.

He thought it was hilarious while my mom just groaned.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SWEET_GHANDIS_TITS
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2015
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Kid looks at moms ID Card

Sex: F

Kid starts laughing, mom asks what happened?

Kid says: were you really so bad at sex you got and F?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/UkuSw0w
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Delivery dad joke

My roommate and I are ordering some Chinese food for delivery.

She asks "what's a good tip for a delivery driver"

I reply "always wear a seat belt"

She won't talk to me now.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 374
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/grease_cat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
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My Dad is Gossip Girls

So my dad is usually really quiet and "submissive" right? Like he doesn't do a lot of loud things except find the distance the chicken had to travel to cross the road in a bad dad joke.

Anyway, whenever one of us(a 6 people family) comments about something in a small group of 1-3 people, he's always got all the information. He just... knows. For example(this happened like 10 minutes ago): Me: "Wow, this tea is pretty sweet today." Mom: "well, did you sweeten it?" Me: "I d-" My dad shakes his head. Dad: "No, the person who made the tea added double the amount of sugar you previously added to the jug." Mom: "Who?" And then he points to the bedroom before I can tell my mom who made my glass of tea.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/charlestheseventh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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My mom and I were cooking corn

Me: (my usual set up for a bad pun) I am trying to think a of joke about corn

Mom:don't split any hairs about it

Me: Oh shuck you took my pun.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Datboy000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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I've been punished for punning at my mother...

My bad mushroom pun has been avenged.

I was having dinner with my mom tonight. Burritos. As soon as I picked mine up, it ripped apart and spewed its contents all over my plate, the table, and my lap.

After I finished swearing a blue streak and started cleaning up, she just casually said:

"Well it is wrapped in a tore-tilla..."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Batshit_Betty
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2018
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I'm proud of my seven year old stepdaughter. I've taught her well.

We're sitting at the dinner table after my stepkid returned from a weekend at her dad's, telling bad puns to each other. This was her response to her mom. Mom (to me): Honey, you tell some terrible jokes. Me: I know. The kid: Mom, they're not BAD jokes, they're DAD jokes.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 328
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tortugaborracho
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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My little sister just dad-joked my dad.

We were at the table, and my mom and dad were talking about when they were dating, and my dad says, "You know what? She's only made me 2 bad meals the entire time we've been married."

Then my little sister goes, "Yea, lunch and dinner."

We cracked up about it and we're still giggling.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 169
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SwingingSalmon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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My dad would say this when I was younger

Anytime he corrected one of my grammar mistakes he would say, "The reason I always correct your grammar is because my brother died because of bad grammar. I remember it as clear as day. I ran inside and yelled, 'Mom, billy fell in a good!'"

It took me forever to finally understand his joke.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 104
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ifoundausername
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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Step-dad just had a great one

My mom was telling me about this magazine title she read at the grocery store for how to calm crazy dogs(my dog has ADD & was currently freaking out about the fireworks since we live close to the fair in town). My step-dad suddenly pointed out "well it's too bad the dog can't read"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrHandsomeBoss
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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I mean, he did kill a lot of ants.

So I get back home from college this weekend and my mom was explaining to me how we had a pretty bad ant infestation coming in through our kitchen wall.

My dad proceeds to tell me that he's gone through two bags of ant bait (they pick the food up and bring it back to the hive) already.

I say, oh wow you must be getting pretty good at killing ants then, and he says "I guess you can just call me the master-baiter". I had to stop and literally applaud him. My mom just rolled her eyes as usual, but I have to give it to the old man this time.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 89
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/I_Need_A_Blumpkin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 25 2014
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My dad's corny jokes

My dad has this habit of pretending he didn't hear what you said, and then "repeating" it. Like if I said I was going to see an art show, he'll say, "You're going to a FART show? I had no idea you'd have any interest in that!" Lots of jokes along those lines, amongst others.

When I was younger I would laugh because he was kinda funny, and also to make him happy, but as I've gotten older I laugh not JUST because he's funny (in a corny way) but because the fact he still makes these jokes makes me so happy and really warms my heart. My mom is physically disabled, my dad has a bunch of health issues, we've all suffered terribly at times because of all this illness. And no matter how bad it gets, my dad is always there trying his hardest to put a smile on other people's faces and to lighten the mood a bit with his jokes. I've always been the type of girl to mope and be depressed when things are hard, but as I've gotten older I've tried to be more like my old man because I think it's something really special and admirable and selfless about stepping outside of your own negativity to give others something to laugh at or smile about. My dad is such a fuckin hero, I love him so much, and I can't imagine how unbearable this world would seem at times without him trying to make us all laugh.

So to all you dads telling your corny dad jokes, don't ever stop. Your kids and wife might groan or roll their eyes, but inside they love their corny old man and appreciate the goofy puns and fart jokes you tell!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 69
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Osusanna
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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Cock and sperm joke for kids

(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)

Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:

"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"

Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.

When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.

My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?

Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DeathrowHappymeal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Dadjoke for my Mom

I've got some kind of allergic reaction going on and my face is breaking out in a bad rash and my mom is freaking out and wants to take me to the ER and my dad was like:

"Let's not make any rash decisions"

and we high fived and now my mom is yelling at us. :)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 61
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/artofcamping
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 19 2014
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[Serious] Thank you /r/dadjokes community!

Throwaway since I could be identified if someone tried hard enough.

My father is currently partaking in a long and grueling pilgrimage of over 300 miles on the Notre Dame Trail. The organizers suggested family members write letters to encourage and motivate the pilgrims.

I have chosen to borrow some amazing content from /r/dadjokes to text to my father on a daily basis. He loves to make bad jokes and is often seen laughing at his own puns. He said he tells the jokes to the group every day when they've finished walking and they always get a chuckle from the crowd.

So sincerely, thank you and keep up the good work!

My mother has also joined him for the final 3 days so if anyone has some good, clean mom related dad jokes, feel free to share them with me!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dadjokethrowaway25
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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For the birds

True story:

Took my stepdad to dinner at Cracker Barrel with my mom and gf on Father's Day. There was an advertisement on our table for a birdbath they were selling in the store part of the restaurant.

Mom (seeing that it was $49.95): "I wonder how big that birdbath is?"

Gf: "I think it's about this big" (holds arms in a circle indicating about 18 inches around)

Mom: "That's actually not a bad deal"

Stepdad: "Well, yeah, but where are the birds gonna get fifty bucks?"

o.o

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NSFAnythingAtAll
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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Dad joked my mom, you could say it was a bit cheesy

Today I attempted for the first time ever to make my own mozzarella. I had my mom help me out because some of the instructions were very exact and I needed some extra hands. As we're scooping the curds from the pot and straining it I paused and said:

"Hang on a second, let me get that out of the whey."

We both stood there laughing for a bit, it was so bad it was good.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LobsterR4geFist
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2014
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A dad joke for the holidays.

I was munching down on chocolate from my advent calendar, having forgotten to eat the previous couple day's pieces. My mom notices and says:

"Is this your way of saying youre too old for advent calendars?" (I'm eighteen)

"No, Im just bad with dates."

My dad speaks up:

"Is that why youre single?" Then laughs together with my mom.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Beauly
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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My dad's jokes can come at inappropriate times..

My mom fell down the stairs and injured her tailbone pretty badly, she calls out to my dad to have him take a look to see if there's any bruising. He takes one look, gasps, and said "holy shit! there's a crack in it!" my mom was not too happy with him!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 89
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LynaM
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
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Dad joke my mom at lunch, stunned look follows

My family is notorious for bad puns, yesterday my wife and daughter, niece, parents were sitting having a nice bbq for lunch. My mom is telling us about how a friend of hers says that instead of cucumbers on your eyes for a facial, use mayonnaise on your face instead. To which I replied, "put some meat and lettuce and tomatoes on it also so you can have an open face sandwhich." The stunned look from my mom and howling from the rest of the table told me it was a new level of dad joke.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Eeeper
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
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Made my dad proud tonight

We went to a hibachi place for dinner and i ordered miso soup as part of my appetizer.

Mom: Why did you get soup? You know this meal is going to fill you up.

Me: Well, i guess because miso hungry.

My dad did the "not bad" face to me

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrjanuary
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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A bit of a read for a pun but...

So, my grandfather by the name of Leonard might lose his foot soon, due to diabetes/infection. Not at all hilarious, sure, but me and him have an awesome sense of humor. He lost his toe a few weeks back and I asked him if they placed it in a jar. He said, "No, they made it into stew."

My mother was less than pleased with our toe jokes but that was not the groaning moment.

A series of texts about my grandfather losing the entire foot ensues between my uncles, mom, sister and I. It went like this:

Me: If gramps loses his foot, in the worst case of scenarios, how would I go around asking the OR to put it in a jar? (directed to my sister who's a nurse)

Mom: OMG. Bad.

Sister: Ew. Lol.

Sister: http://giphy.com/gifs/jar-AuSAduPrXkDgk

Me: Oh man, if in forty years I'm ever at a family reunion all drunk, I'd be doing that. "Come my niece/nephew/grandchild! Speak of all your woes to the foot!"

Mom: STOP! Bad Grandchild!

Sister: You need a nap.

Me: I'd put the foot in an estate so that it can be passed down for many generations. It'll be the GrandPAW of Leo!

Mom: OMG

Sister: Ha!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mof920
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Neighbor lady drops this.

As my family and the neighbors are all watching the NBA finals, my mom asks why Miami is doing badly, suddenly one of our neighbors, a small quiet Filipina, quickly ceases the her golden opportunity with this:

"Well it looks like they're losing their heat"

The groans were strong in our living room.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 40
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lens_key
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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[LONG] Found this on my girlfriend's Dad's facebook.

Sorry, but I need to vent!! So I went to Target to get some clearance Halloween stuff. I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING! So now I'm like, What is her problem?! I finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course who is there ahead of me but this same lady. She turns around and starts staring again. So I start playing with my phone b/c I'm getting a little uncomfortable. Finally she says "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my son who just passed away." I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences. She says "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mama' to me?" Inside I was like buuuuh?!??!, but understanding grief the way that I do, I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves. The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $100.87. I knew something wasn't right, because it should have been like $40 or so. The cashier then tells me that my total was included with my mom's. I'm like, "What?!!!" She said, "Your mom said you were paying for her last few items along with your things. I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my mom. She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama. I'm like OMG...I flew out of the store looking for this horrible person, ready to drag her back in, I see her loading up her car! She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg hard enough that her wooden leg came off!! Omg how is this happening right now?! So I grabbed her other leg and started pulling! Just like I'm pulling yours right now!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/haucker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
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Never thought my dad would do it

My parents are both immigrants from Taiwan and came in the mid 80's. We've always owned restaurants (currently have a Japanese steak house this is important for later) so their English isn't all that bad and has improved over time. I've never gotten a single dad joke from him. Ever.

Que yesterday we are driving home from a family dinner to celebrate his birthday. We all get into the vehicle and my mom says in Chinese "You've got something hanging onto your shirt, it looks stringy. Is that a spider web?"

I respond, "What? That's his pet, he can't raise a pet spider?"

Dad says, "Yeah I raise them really big and fat so we can make spider rolls at the restaurant." (Spider roll is typically softshell crab in a roll with other stuffs for the non-sushi fans out there)

I groaned, chuckled, then reveled in all that was my first dad joke. It was awesome. Thanks for reading guys! Sorry it's so long.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DROpher
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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My dad got me at my sister's marching band festival.

My younger sister, who is in my high school marching band, was in a band festival/competition earlier tonight. As they were doing the awards, there was a particular high school, named Marion Senior High School.

The announcer says the school's name in an award, and my dad said, "I wouldn't want to do that." I say, confused, "Do what?" He replies, "Marry in senior high school. That's just a bad idea."

Cue collective groan/laughs from me and my mom, while my dad is giddily laughing.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BennyJames
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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My dads news this afternoon

My dad text messaged my mom and said "I have some good news and some bad news" "The good news is there's no bad news and the bad news is there's no good news"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheGaminCat
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2015
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Got us at dinner the other day

I was out at dinner with my parents a few nights ago, though I'm only getting around to posting this now. For some background, my mom is basically the nicest person in the universe, but my dad, brother and I are all capable of being assholes on a whim as long as we think it would be funny. This came up in conversation, and we got the following exchange:

Mom: I don't understand how you can be so rude when you live with me.
Me: You're too nice. We have to balance you out.
Dad: We're regressing toward the mean.

It actually wasn't all that bad at first. He didn't over-enunciate "mean" or anything. It really only became a true groaner once he added the ultimate joke killer:

"Get it?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pickelsurprise
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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I've got some kind of allergic reaction going on.

My face is breaking out in a bad rash and my mom is freaking out and wants to take me to the ER. But my dad was like "let's not make any rash decisions" and we high fived and now my mom is yelling at us.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SEanXY
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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