My daughter just dropped this one on me: Why was Cinderella so bad at playing tennis?
...Because her coach was a pumpkin.
Bad news, Christmas carolers! Turns out one of our most sacred songs was communist propaganda all along, a hymn to nothing less than Karl Marx’s “The Communist Manifesto”!
Now don’t you feel bad for singing “O Commie, Commie Manual” all those years?
I've been trying to get a job as a dealer in one of the casinos but none of them will hire me because I have a bad habit of biting my nails. so I got a job as a plumber last week.
I start dealing at the casino on Monday
I always thought chiropractors were a bunch of nonsense until I went to one for my bad back and I gotta tell you,
My dad once told me, “If you ever meet a girl with a bad tattoo, she’s the one for you.”
“It shows that she can make a terrible decision but still stick to it.”
I thought of this while practicing piano: Behtoven's diarrhea was so bad one moonlit night...
One thing that is bad about me is my ability to lie.
I only know one bad pun about paper
When my dad died, one last bad joke was sent from his account.
He had built a dad man’s switch.
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
That’s just unpresidented
Sorry this one’s bad… really bad
A Man walks up to the doorstep of another’s going door to door
He asks the person who opened the door “would you like to donate your feces for science”
The man replies “No, I don’t give a shit”
This one is bad. I’m so sorry.
The difference between a good electrician and a bad one...
This one is Bad
I'm the reincarnation of Michael Jackson. My pronouns are hee/hee/hee
I've had some bad pickup lines, but this one is the cheesiest
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.
This is a bad one. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
Bad one but an effort was made though,And for the fact police,I know he was 6 ft
I had this one night stand and I felt really bad about it.
So, the next morning I raced out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
My five-year-old came up with this one: "What does Daddy drink when he has a bad cough?"
"Coffee. Get it? Cough-ee."
one very bad pun
i like dulphins (i spelt it wrong on porpoise)
Pretty bad one, then ouch.
Why, Vueling, Why .... SUCH A BAD ONE
The one subject I was bad at in school
From all tubed meat I have tasted, this one was really bad.
I only have one option when my kleptomania gets really bad ...
One of my coworkers told me that my dad jokes are bad.
But I think deep down they know nothing could be father from the truth.
This one is just bad.
So two hunters are doing their jobs and suddenly, one of them gets mauled by a bear. The other hunter calls 911 and says, "Hey! You need to come over quickly! My friend is being mauled by a bear! Actually, I think he might be dead!" And so the lady said "Alright, but can you make sure he's dead?" Through the phone, the lady heard a *POW* and the hunter said, "Okay, so now what?"
If one was bad and ten was good how would you rate the Harry Potter franchise?
I would rate it 9 and 3 quarters.
The difference between a bad haircut and a good one.
This one is really bad my family was at the pizza place donatos, my uncle says to my dad “do you want more donatos”
My dad says “the whole restaurant?” I laughed because it was so bad
Not a dad, and I hope this isn't a bad one!
Say, a certain age demographic has a fascination with pandas fighting in boxing rings. If a movie studio takes note of this and shoves an unrelated, random panda-in-a-boxing-ring scene in their movie, would it be seen as...
Pande-ring?
There's no such thing as a good dilemma. They are by definition bad. Give me one example.
An example of a good dilemma? No problem!
Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."
The second doctor responds, "Suture self."
My kids were watching Voltron when I noticed one of the bad guys was able to shoot his prosthetic/cyborg arm as a projectile...
Me: "Did he just shoot his arm at that person...?"
Kids: "Yeah"
Me: "Well that's pretty handy."
Kids: *groan*
I'm going to have an army of angry people after me due to my bad jokes one day...
But it's okay, I'll take my pun-ishment.
A real bad one to use in the workplace
I was helping a colleague measure something on the workshop floor with a tape measure. I held the end and he walked away with the reel. He got to the end and I looked down at the tape and said "It's zero."
I once tried to do a fancy knot in my necktie, but it turned out so bad I went crazy and summoned a Great Old One.
Never figured I would bring forth and Eldredge Abomination.
I had this one night stand and I felt so bad about it...
So the next morning, I rushed out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.
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