I recently traded in my manual transmission car for an automatic.
I have a fear of automatic toilets.
They scare the crap out of me
Why are dogs more likely to chase standard cars than automatic ones?
My boss put one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom.
It scared the shit out of me
A talking, mindreading ATM would be an Automatic Telling ATM Machine...
My son kept losing spitball wars at school. So i upgraded his straw to a semi-automatic...
How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel. (Cred to my actual dad)
Automatic response from my dad when I would say, "Really?"
Whenever there's an automatic door
Dad: let me get the door for you
[request] Pun Rating Questionnaire
Hello everyone! I am part of a team project from the Computational Linguistics department in Saarland University. We made an automatic pun generator and we want to test our system. The following questionnaire will ask you to rate punchlines. It's short and we hope you can get a giggle out of it.
Thanks for your help (and please delete it if it goes against the subreddit rules).
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdTRNrncAZTemkojUBZytgevxXx5FJ5qh0kquZiirlaGioNPA/viewform
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”
The price of my air mattress went up this year.
Automatic inflation is great!
What is the least spoken language on earth
Does this count as a pun?
I'm not sure she can bear this
I think this fits here better
My wife she needed a smart man, so I went and got two degrees.
I think I would actually do this
My brother wanted cold hard cash for Christmas. I think I delivered well
Why should you never grab another person's facemask?
It's a 15 yard penalty and automatic 1st down.
These ancient people are something!
Cold shoulder on a cannibal feast
If you don’t get this joke then your a boomer
It's cold and dark outside, so I have drawn the curtains.
I think dads automatically gain access to a dadjoke reservoir the moment they become dads...
My aunt recently had a baby, and she was telling us about the experience the other day at a family get-together. How beautiful her little girl is, how amazing the experience was, yadda yadda. Then she told us about my uncle's reaction, which she was less than thrilled about.
When my uncle saw his daughter for the first time after my aunt had just labored for hours, he said:
"Damn, it's 2013, you'd think they'd have started making these things cordless by now."
Boomer on the other side of the phone.
A Pun I Made In 5 Minutes On MS Paint... Merry Christmas!
Making the most out of a typo
When you realise that Christmas is commercialised
Joe gave a girl a ring for Christmas
“Marry Christmas” He said
Christmas pun - Joaquin in a Winter Wonderland
What did the Canadian say when he entered the Mexican Butcher store?
Break-in at the Apple Store!
Police searching for iWitnesses...
My girlfriend asked me to stop singing the Shrek soundtrack, I thought she was joking
Important: Help me name my plush neuron!
I got a plush neuron for Christmas and I’m having trouble coming up with a cute, punny name for it! Any ideas?
Just saw this at the moment.
You think your tunes bump?
Asked gravity if it would be my wing man last night. Alas, it kept pulling
What safeword would a sheep use?
Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)
Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there
Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!
How does the Jewish man get his coffee?
What do you call jokes for old people?
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
Stairs are the same as elevators but with more steps
My wife asked me what I do for hours at a time at the beauty school library. I replied ...
My parents went out last night, came home like at 2 am
Everyone always talks about their standard poodle
Am I the only one who drives an automatic?
What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?
If you are wait-listed for a weight training course, do you automatically deserve an "A"?
My friend and I went to a basketball game dressed like dancing chickens, and got immediately escorted out of the arena.
Because two flagrant fowls means an automatic ejection.
If you ask a member of the NRA what they think about machine guns, be prepared.
They'll give you an automatic response.
What do you call a miniature Yoda?
Did you hear about the gun that only shoots Israeli produced bullets?
I hear it's a semite automatic weapon.
I managed to break even at Vegas this weekend. I lost a load of money on the blackjack table.
But then won it all back on the ATM machine.
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in one day, and the box said 2-4 years!
Witnessed a dad joke in the wild today
Just witnessed the greatest dad joke of all time. This woman was about to leave the grocery store with a full cart. All of a sudden this older man runs over and says “let me open the door for you”. He walks in front of the automatic door, waves his hand to open it and proudly walks away as it opens automatically. He is my role model in life.
Escalators make me feel uncomfortable.
They automatically stair when I enter the room.
My friend and I got kicked out of a NBA game because we went dressed in brightly coloured chicken suits.
Two flagrant fowls means an automatic ejection.
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