Space shuttle made of keyboard keys does not contain any space bars
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Oscar_Lilja
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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Press any key it said
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Captain_Flarg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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A musician walks into a locksmiths, and asks them:

"Do you have any spare keys?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/drozzi007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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A handful of short Thanksgiving Jokes I put together that are worthy for any dad to repeat this upcoming holiday.

Why did the police arrest the turkey? > They suspected fowl play.

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? > A poultrygeist!

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? > To prove he wasnโ€™t a chicken!

What key wonโ€™t open any door? > A turkey!

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? > Goblet.

Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? > A poul-tree.

What happens when youโ€™re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad? >They turn into blueberries.

What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? > Plymouth.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Taylordprints
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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2 Friends named Ryan and Dave were fixing up a car. Theyโ€™re Country-Geeks by day, and Racers by night.

Ryan: Are you Finnished yet?

Dave: No, but you bet Iโ€™m Russian to fix it! Israelly confusing. Kenya help me out?

R: Sure.

Car makes weird sound

R: Guatemala with the car?

D: Iโ€™m Czeching it out, and it seems like somethingโ€™s wrong with a piston or two. You got any ideas, because Iran out. What a Spain. Oh well, letโ€™s put some elbow Greece and try to finish it by tonight.

R: I hope so. Damn, tonight is a Chile one.

D: Yep, and itโ€™s definitely China distract me.

R: Iโ€™m kinda Hungary, I want Togo buy a sandwich or two.

Later

R: Oman, itโ€™s already 9 Pm, thereโ€™s Norway that we can fix it by tonight.

D: Thatโ€™s what we are Guinea find out.

R: I will Taiwan more way to speed things up, but itโ€™s pretty risky.

D: Well, we somehow Ghana find out. 10:30 Pm

R: Ok, Tur the Key!

Car turns on

D: Yes! The Caribb is ean! Uganda be kidding me! I canโ€™t Bolivia did it!

R: Hey, I canโ€™t Belize it either!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JohnThePekka
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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I just sold my car and this was my add

Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! Iโ€™m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you donโ€™t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.

Just like me, itโ€™s been around the birthday block a few times, but thereโ€™s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If youโ€™re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what youโ€™re thinking, โ€œI bet this is a junkerโ€, but youโ€™d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body Iโ€™ve ever had my hands on.

Whatโ€™s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because itโ€™s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds itโ€™s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Iโ€™ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. Itโ€™s whatโ€™s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I donโ€™t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasnโ€™t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, Iโ€™ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if youโ€™re traveling with another couple, Iโ€™m sure theyโ€™ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.

The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesnโ€™t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DjBWren
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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Punsters of Reddit, I need your help

So I need a pun or simply clever line for a lock breaking-up with a key. Some ideas I've had include:

>"You just don't unlock me"

>"I don't think we're a good fit"

I realize these aren't really puns, but /r/DoubleEntendres doesn't have quite as much traffic. Any help would be appreciated!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/strangest_stranger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
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You wouldn't believe what I saw on my way home from work last night.

Okay so I get off at 4:00 and I didn't waste any time leaving the office. Shut down my computer, grabbed my keys, and I was on the road by 4:05. It had been a pretty crazy day and I was ready to get home.

As I'm driving home I notice I'm running on Empty. I probably could have made it home but I was really craving a Coca Cola so I decide to stop at the nearest gas station.

Anyways I'm filling my tank I see an old lady a few gas pumps away putting gas in her old beat up station wagon but didn't really think anything of it and just continued to enjoy my icey cold Coca Cola.

Next thing I know I see this old lady holding the gas pump nozzle spewing gas everywhere. I guess she had taken the nozzle out of the vehicle w out disengaging the automatic trigger or whatever but it went EVERYWHERE. Her car, her arms, the ground, all over the place and by the time she got that thing to stop spraying there was at least a gallon of gas everywhere.

So I immediately run over to see if she's okay and she smells like straight up gas. I gave her napkins to dry off her hands and to clean what gas was spilled on the car. She said she was okay and thanked me for my help so I leave and head home.

So now I'm a few blocks from home, driving over the last hill right before my next turn and all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, she comes flyin past me in that same old beat up station wagon with, I shit you not, her arm CAUGHT ON FIRE. And as if that's not bad enough there are two cops right behind her in hot pursuit. So while I'm freaking out trying to pull over to the side she zooms past so fast I barely catch a glimpse of her frantically flailing her arm out the window as they all go over the hill.

At that point couldn't believe what I was seeing it was just too crazy. So I quickly get back on the road and make my way over the hill and I spot her. She's pulled over in the emergency lane. I see the same old lady being handcuffed and put in the back of the squad car.

Yeah turns out she was arrested for waiving a fire arm in public.

ยฏ_(ใƒ„)_/ยฏ

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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About the newest Microsoft patch

Microsoft confirms that there's an issue with their most recent patch: it can corrupt Windows installations. A Microsoft developer by the name of Benedict [Last name withheld due to reddit rules] admitted that the code he wrote was faulty and could lead to corruption of some system files. However, Microsoft still recommends downloading the patch, since these cases are rare, and a tool that repairs affected installations will be available by tomorrow, and can easily be downloaded, since the faulty patch doesn't break any Internet features. Microsoft estimates that only 0.002% of Windows installations will be affected, and that on all other PCs, the patch does fix the bug it addresses. Although some sources on the net claim otherwise, Microsoft states that...

Benedict's Blunder Patch is low-key.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hypervelocityvomit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics โ€“ the only department of linguistics where itโ€™s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kieuk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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My Mum dadjoked my Dad

My parents and I were sitting around having key lime pie.

Dad "It has a very sharp flavour"

Mum "That will be the lime. If you find any metal that will be the key"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PM-Me-A-Joke
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 12 2014
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Dad at work

I'm a server and at my restaurant we have an item called the lox and lox. I'm serving an elderly couple and the wife exclaims "ooo they have loxs!" The husband looks me dead in the eye and says "Does that come with any keys?"

He said it with such a straight face I almost didn't get it. I cracked up while his wife gave a loud sound of exasperation

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dikbutjenkins
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
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Dad tech support

Got a text from a friend trying to sell his iPhone: "Hey, any thoughts on how to unlock this iPhone? I've looked online and can't figure it out."

I responded in helpful dad fashion: "Did you try the key?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rascaltwitch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05 2014
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Dadjoked my gf

We were moving into a new house and there were a pile of keys. After trying every key in all of the locks, I discovered that none of the keys fit any of the window locks.

I declared, "none of these keys fit the windows. the only windows keys I have are these" and produced a spreadsheet of windows 7 keys

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Seneekikaant
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 03 2014
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What do you guys think of Great Uncle Jokes?

This was translated from Bengali so it might sound a bit funny as I'm not completely fluent.

A boy in grade 5 wrote a letter to Bill Gates.

Dear Sir,

I have a few questions for you,

  1. Why are the letters in the keyboard scrambled??? When will the correct version be released?

  2. We use MS-Word, when will Mr. Word be released???

  3. There is no [Any Key] button on the keyboard yet why does the computer ask for it???

My last question is:

  1. Your name means gates yet why do you make windows???
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/troller_awesomeness
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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