A Bridge over You Puns

"So far two cars, a truck, and a bus."

Dad: hey son, why do you think they strap the boat to the top of the car like that?

Me: well, if it was flipped the other way, I would think the wind would catch it or something.

Dad: no, they do that because if the car flipped on a bridge over water, the boat would let them float on the water.

Me: sigh

So, my town has a major highway that runs through it, and a bridge that people can walk over. Well, some guy decides to tie a ball to a string and dangle it over the side of the bridge. That way, any car that goes under the bridge will think they hit something and the guy could have a good laugh. Well, a semi comes through, and the ball gets caught on the mirror. The guy's arm gets ripped clean off, and he's sent to the hospital right away. The truck driver gets pulled over as he's passing through another town. The arm is still dangling from the mirror. The truck driver is then arrested, for armed robbery. (Badum-tsss) (Thank you, thank you. I can't wait to get 3 whole karma for this one.)

On bridges in Michigan, there are signs warning motorists of ice that forms over them during the winter months.

When I was a kid, I was riding in the car with my dad one hot summer day. my dad says, "boy is it hot..." as he pulls over on the bridge, unhooks his wristwatch and sticks it out the window. I ask, "what are you doing, dad?" And he says, "didn't you see the sign? 'Watch for ice on bridge'!"

He laughed for a good five minutes as he drove off.

A few weeks ago, our band teacher ordered a string bass for the band. It came in today, and he asked me to help put it together. He picked up a wrapped package from the box and I asked "is that the bridge?" And he said yes. "That's a pretty small bridge, how are you going to drove cars over it?" Cue groans from the whole class, minus a volcano of laughter from the teacher.

"hey guys did you know that bridges generate static electricity? When we get over the center of the bridge touch the window"

We all touch the windows even though we have no idea where he is going.

"do you feel it? Do you feel the pane?"

I'll never forget when I was riding shotgun while my dad drove, and we were taking my friend Joe home. We had driven these streets hundreds of times, but at this moment, my dad released all these heretofore unheard-of puns.

We took a right on Cambridge Ave.

Dad looks over and stoically says in a gravelly voice with an -- American Indian?? -- accent, "First came iron horse… then came bridge."

Groans.

As we approach Minot Ln., he asks "do I turn here?" and Joe says "yes," to which dad replies "I don't know, Joe, I might, but I minot!"

Groans.

Finally, we make our last turn onto Cheyenne. Dad says with a deliberate, measured cadence, "You know, growing up, all the girls I met were so forward. It was weird. But then I met Shy Anne."

He finished his sentence right as we pulled into Joe's driveway. He put his right hand on the back of my headrest and turned to face us with a wide smile and the glittering, eyes of a puppy that just fetched on command.

Joe said "Thanks, Mr. Smith," and he got out and ran into his house.

We we're crossing a bridge where, if you look to the left, you see a cliff over a river with an old US Fort. I said "hey, look at the fort, that looks really cool." My dad: "You ain't bluffing."

Once as we were driving over it, I asked why it was called the Tapan Zee bridge.

"Well there was a German engineer working on the bridge and the other workers asked how they would know if the bridge was sturdy enough. The German responded 'you just have to find one of the supports and tapan zee if it is sturdy'"